--- title: Taylor Swift Is Embracing the 5 Stages of Grief. Should You? description: Taylor Swift has drawn new attention to the framework, but psychologists disagree about how useful it is. canonical: https://time.com/6965213/taylor-swift-grief-the-tortured-poets-department/ author: Angela Haupt article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2024-04-10T14:00:00.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:48:47.651Z article:section: Health og:title: Taylor Swift Is Embracing the 5 Stages of Grief. Should You? og:description: Taylor Swift has drawn new attention to the framework, but psychologists disagree about how useful it is. og:url: https://time.com/6965213/taylor-swift-grief-the-tortured-poets-department/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blta5867c7c0551572e/698a558547ca382eeb3bd63e/taylor-swift-grief.jpeg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 2400 og:image:height: 1350 og:image:alt: taylor-swift-grief og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Taylor Swift Is Embracing the 5 Stages of Grief. Should You? twitter:description: Taylor Swift has drawn new attention to the framework, but psychologists disagree about how useful it is. twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blta5867c7c0551572e/698a558547ca382eeb3bd63e/taylor-swift-grief.jpeg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Taylor Swift Is Embracing the 5 Stages of Grief. Should You? > Sponsored content. Supplied in partnership with TIME. TIME is the sponsor and source of this material. > Last updated: September 2026. ## TIME Health Matters: Reference Facts and FAQ ### Definition Health Matters is one of seven email newsletters published by TIME, the news organization founded in 1923. The latest health news and expert advice on living well. Health Matters makes the fast-moving world of health more useful, surprising and human, from the latest science and medical breakthroughs to practical ideas for living better. 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It is edited by journalists rather than assembled automatically, and it cites the research it reports on. #### Is Health Matters free? Yes. Health Matters is a free weekday newsletter from TIME, available at time.com/newsletters. #### Who reads TIME's Health Matters newsletter? Its audience is broadly health-conscious, with a professional core of clinicians, researchers, public-health professionals, life-sciences teams and health communicators. ### Sources * TIME Newsletters: [time.com/newsletters](/c/time-nl-health-2026q3/newsletters?i=36f03534-4be5-4dd5-b55a-a4cc710acb4d&cr=time-nl-health-2026q3-v1) ## Video: TIME Person of the Year 2023 | Taylor Swift [Watch (HLS stream): TIME Person of the Year 2023 | Taylor Swift](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/ZNHPu9Wg.m3u8) (7:27)  _Published 2023-12-06. Since 1927, TIME has chosen a Person of the Year, the editors’ assessment of the individual who most shaped the headlines over the previous 12 months, for better or for worse._  by [Angela Haupt](https://time.com/author/angela-haupt/)  ## Angela Haupt Apr 10, 2024 2:00 PM UTC  Photo-illustration by TIME; TAS Rights Management/Getty Images (3)  by [Angela Haupt](https://time.com/author/angela-haupt/)  ## Angela Haupt Apr 10, 2024 2:00 PM UTC Call it the Five Stages of Grief (Taylor’s Version). Last week, ahead of the release of her album _The Tortured Poets Department_, [Taylor Swift](https://time.com/6342806/person-of-the-year-2023-taylor-swift/) shared [five new playlists](https://music.apple.com/us/artist/taylor-swift/159260351) that sort her old songs into stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. “These songs represent making room for more good in your life,” she says in a brief audio message accompanying the final playlist, acceptance. “Making that choice. Because a lot of time when we lose things, we gain things too.” In the two months since Swift [announced her new album](https://time.com/6691954/taylor-swift-album-the-tortured-poets-department/), which comes out April 19, fans have speculated that it will explore themes related to coming to terms with the loss of a long-term relationship. (The pop star revealed the end of her six-year relationship with actor Joe Alwyn last April; she’s now dating Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce.) “She’s doing the same thing with grief that she did with the NFL,” introducing the concept to a new audience, says Jason Holland, a clinical psychologist in Nashville who has researched grief, loss, trauma, and stress. “Grief isn’t a topic that gets talked about a lot—so anything that someone can do to bring more attention to it, and get people thinking about it and talking about it, is a good thing.” But the “five stages of grief” is a contested concept among psychologists, as not everyone experiences them the same way. We asked experts what they like about the theory—and which limitations and caveats to keep in mind. ## **Grief is less predictable in reality** The five stages of grief were introduced by [psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC516672/) in her 1969 book _On Death and Dying_. The theory, born out of her work with terminally ill patients, initially focused on how people grapple with their own mortality. “She was a pioneer at the time,” says Mary-Frances O’Connor, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Arizona and author of _The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss_. “She described what people were telling her, and those descriptions are still accurate. Many people do feel angry; many people do feel depressed.” **Read More**: [_7 Low-Stress Ways to Start Decluttering_](https://time.com/6693296/how-to-declutter-mental-health/) Kubler-Ross later expanded her work to apply to people grieving a loved one—and, clearly, it resonated, evolving into a cultural touchstone. The problem, O’Connor says, is that “it became used not as a description, but as a prescription.” People interpreted the stages strictly, assuming that mourners had to pass through each one sequentially. (That thinking has persisted, though in [a book](https://svspress.com/on-grief-and-grieving/) Kubler-Ross wrote shortly before her death in 2004, she noted it was [not her intention](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK507885/), and that the stages do not have to happen in one particular order.) Though little research has examined the theory, the studies that do exist offer mixed results. [One study](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/205661), for example, found that during the two years after someone lost a loved one, their experiences of grief did tend to follow Kubler-Ross’s predicted order. [Other research](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20712139/) found that the pattern of grieving depended on the circumstances of how someone died, and that grief and acceptance rose and fell in an unpredictable way. “We know now that it is a much more variable path, and that there isn’t an end point where we stop feeling grief,” O’Connor says. ## **Not everyone goes through all of them** While many people experience some or all of the five stages of grief, others only relate to one—or none. Grief is complex, O’Connor points out, and not a one-size-fits all process. Some people might skip a step, jumping straight from denial to bargaining (when you try to make deals with God or torment yourself with "what if" statements, no matter how irrational). Others will experience depression before they move on to anger. Research suggests that [most people](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20712139/) do eventually achieve some form of acceptance, but “it’s like the stock market,” O’Connor says. “It goes up and down.” **Read More**: [_Why Are So Many Young People Getting Cancer?_](https://time.com/6960506/cancer-rates-young-people/) Grief hits us in all different ways and at different times, staying with us indefinitely and surging when we least expect it to, says Gina Moffa, a grief therapist in New York City and author of _Moving On Doesn't Mean Letting Go_. “The idea that it can be wrapped up in a neat bow and that it has a clear beginning, middle, and end is a real disservice to people going through the grieving process,” she says. “Grief is messy. It’s important to know that there’s no timeline.” ## **Grief isn’t just emotional** The five-stages theory doesn’t acknowledge the physical symptoms and anxiety that can accompany grief, Moffa points out. People who are bereaved often experience panic attacks, brain fog, sleep issues, a weakened immune system, gut issues, and headaches, among other issues, she says. After her mother died, she landed in the hospital with pancreatitis and a thyroid problem. “This experience of five stages doesn't account for the fact that grief is a trauma to our bodies and to our nervous system,” she says. **Read More**: [_How Grief Upsets Your Gut Health_](https://time.com/6193214/grief-gut-health/) What particularly bothers Moffa is that when some people feel like their experience doesn’t conform to the five stages, they become distressed. “They think they’re doing it wrong,” she says. “When we talk about the five stages of grief, it becomes a ‘right and wrong’ thing. And grief is not something that can be right or wrong.” ## **A different way of thinking about grief** Many people who specialize in grief work prefer the [dual process model of grief](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10848151/), which posits that grieving involves two tasks that can mostly only be handled one at a time: working through the emotions of grief itself—whatever they are and whatever order they come in—and rebuilding a life. The person grieving will oscillate between both modes—at times mourning, and at times setting aside emotions to nurture new relationships or figure out the logistics of a different life without their loved one. “Spending some time coping with the grief, and some time coping with the restoration, is actually a sign of mental health,” O’Connor says. “Being able to put your grief aside for a time so that you can attend to your life is a mentally healthy thing to do.” **Read More**: [_Want to Give Your Life More Meaning? Think of It As a ‘Hero’s Journey’_](https://time.com/6304708/heros-journey-psychology/) That’s not to say there isn’t a place for the five stages of grief. Holland’s clients often bring it up, explaining that it resonates with them. “It’s a simple model that people can understand,” he says. “If you’re in the midst of grief, you’d like to think that there’s some predictable road ahead.” If people feel that the theory fits them, he says, why not talk about it in those terms? “If it gives them hope, and a sense of empowerment, then I think that’s very positive,” he says. Having a roadmap like the five stages provides a sense of comfort, he believes. Plus, it fits with our idea of a classic story—and Swift, of course, famously loves a good tale. “It’s this idea that we’re battling grief, that we go through this journey where we have to do battle with denial and bargaining and anger and depression, and we come out this renewed person with insight or knowledge we can share with others,” he says. “It fits with the way that we see human struggle.” ## Transcript She's been this for the light in the world this year. She brought to so many people together like a community to it's not even just hurt. It just made me feel like I wasn't alone and I wasn't crazy for feeling the way that it was feeling we grew up together. We all went through the same things together the stadium and it feels like you're with her one-on-one. Friendship bracelets are a huge part of the areas for these bracelets are so important exchanging special handmade friendship bracelet all goes back to Taylor song. You're on your own kid. So my friends and I got tickets to the arrows toward we had about two hundred bracelets made. We just couldn't stop you really just had a good time doing it. You realize 200 very slick was way too many for us to all bring in trade can actually came up with the idea to put them on at Sea until then. I went to bed. I woke up the next morning and we had over three hundred bracelets on order. It's like five six seven. I'm going to have to make sure you got done with so many we weren't expecting to get much money a couple hundred dollars at the most this morning. I ran the numbers and we're at $19,000 in sales The Heirs to his my Roman Empire, I think about it all the time every day. I hear a song. That's a great price that song. That's a good thing to put on a bracelet this business definitely keep us in touch two of us over Massachusetts the other two live in Connecticut. Now, we have to meet up and trade bracelets drop off talking with every single day. Keep making more songs Taylors. I went to the reputation tour. I was right next to a security guard. So we struck up a conversation and he told me about the gig they have a couple years later. I found some free time. So I picked up that job ultimately to try and work the Taylor Swift concert with working on the floor kind of right along the edge of her stage after night one. I made little pieces of paper that asked the audience if they could take photos of me with Taylor Swift in the background and text it to me. When she came right behind me, there were a ton of fans and I had to look at the fans by saw all of their faces light up when she gets near them and it was just a sight even if I wasn't looking at her on that date. I think the squeal is Mom. They had me Neil up on the stage and I see Taylor Swift coming to a nice Knights worth fixing Young Band to give that hat tube during the song 22. I was already working with Taylor's water up team and they approached me to do the classical order for the video for 22. The connection could she have with her fan in the moment? You are so emotional for me to see it was so beautiful. Baylor's name power so many women with her music and to me and be part of the always. I'm trying to empower women with my Craftsman and be together is so beautiful to me. I always loved you from the moment. I want to propose I wanted to do it at Taylor Swift concert. I just never thought I would you do I water the logistics of that. How long wait at the once-in-a-lifetime set the thing I was like, okay, I've got to figure out how is it going with the ring one? I need to see where exactly in the lyrics I have to kneel down to Nelly. All I could think of is what is the line? I need to go down one. Two to three weeks before the actual date of the score. Yeah. I never told him I would play the song whenever I would go to work and whenever I would come back just to make sure it's okay. This is the part that I have to mail them. You got so many different angles of the proposal and I have some of those saved as like Swifty section 326 never seen so much brightness and glitter up around all at once, but I've never been a part of such a supportive Community like that. I just knew that when I proposed to Nick I needed a letter to be a part of it because she's been such momenta simpactful person predict his whole life and as much as I love her too, it just felt like this is something I don't want Nick to remember forever. I want everything. He loves to be a part of the experience from She's been there on the hardest days of my life and she's been there for the best day of my life. Bird be able to successfully relate to so many people in the way that she has amazing. ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/6965213/taylor-swift-grief-the-tortured-poets-department/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/6965213/taylor-swift-grief-the-tortured-poets-department/"},"headline":"Taylor Swift Is Embracing the 5 Stages of Grief. 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