TIME Television

Watch a Hilarious Takedown of Subway ‘Manspreading’ on The Daily Show

Kristen Schaal talks directly to Jon Stewart's testicles to prove a point

On Wednesday night’s episode of The Daily Show, Jon Stewart brought up the hot-button issue of “manspreading.” That is, when men take up too much room on public transportation by spreading their legs, often taking up multiple seats and denying other passengers the opportunity to sit. (New York City’s transit authority recently started a campaign to encourage men to stop this practice.)

Stewart agrees that manspreading is no good, so he brings on senior women’s issues correspondent Kristen Schaal to back him up — but her take is a bit different than he expects. She totally goes on a pro-manspreading rampage. She even speaks directly to Jon Stewart’s crotch, all to prove a point.

TIME Advertising

Steve Buscemi Plays A Very Compelling Jan Brady in Snickers Super Bowl Ad

"Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!"

Tom isn’t the only Brady making an appearance in Super Bowl 2015.

Snickers’ big game ad inserts the company’s “you’re not you when you’re hungry” trope into its most inspired scenario yet: The Brady Bunch.

Machete star Danny Trejo plays Marcia in ad agency BBDO’s reinterpretation of the show’s iconic “Marcia gets hit in the face with a football” scene. (Note: No footballs were deflated in the making of this ad.)

But the true standout is Steve Buscemi, who brings his trademark nuance and complexity to the role of Jan Brady.

We hope that Buscemi is available for Snickers’ Super Bowl sequel: An ode to George Glass.

TIME animals

These Red Pandas Had the Best Snow Day Ever

You'll bearly be able to contain your excitement

It is winter, which means ’tis the season for adorable photos and videos of zoo animals paling around in white stuff.

After a winter storm swept through the Northeast, video footage captured red panda Hope and her seven-month-old cubs Faith and MowMow frolicking in the snow. Their playground is the Trevor Zoo, where students at the Millbrook School care for the animals in Millbrook, N.Y.

While the weather was a bear for many, it looks like these animals are having a blast.

 

TIME Music

Watch Kanye West’s Emotional New Music Video Starring His Daughter North

The short clip was directed by Spike Jonze

Kanye West has a new video for his single “Only One” and its two stars are himself and his one-and-a-half-year-old daughter, North. The rapper shared an exclusive first look at the video, which was directed by Spike Jonze, on Ellen. It mostly involves him and North wandering through a field and then gazing at each other in said field.

Note: this emotional ballad features Paul McCartney on keyboard.

Watch above as Ellen previews the video and then lavishes praise upon Kanye, calling him “amazing.”

Update: You can now watch the full video on Kanye’s official site.

Read Next: Kim and Kanye Working on Difficult Second Child

TIME Tech

Here’s Why Bill Gates Is Jealous of Mark Zuckerberg

Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates
From left: Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates Getty Images (2)

As revealed in his latest Reddit AMA

On Wednesday afternoon, Bill Gates returned to Reddit for his third “Ask Me Anything” session. Though this AMA didn’t prove to be quite as informative or entertaining as his past efforts, he did share some fun tidbits. For example: he prefers sauce over dry rub when he eats barbecue, and he’s got two dogs named Oreo and Nilla.

The Microsoft cofounder also took a moment to praise Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. One Redditor asked, “Is there anything in life that you regret doing or not doing?” Here’s how the billionaire responded:

I feel pretty stupid that I don’t know any foreign languages. I took Latin and Greek in High School and got A’s and I guess it helps my vocabulary but I wish I knew French or Arabic or Chinese. I keep hoping to get time to study one of these – probably French because it is the easiest. I did Duolingo for awhile but didn’t keep it up. Mark Zuckerberg amazingly learned Mandarin and did a Q&A with Chinese students – incredible.

So there you have it. Bill Gates is not perfect and doesn’t even speak any languages besides English.

TIME viral

Watch a Weatherman Stay Cool When His Map Shows Ridiculously Hot Temperatures

He showed he could take the heat

It was 1350º, 1665º, 2960º, and 1270º in the greater Phoenix area Tuesday, according to Arizona’s Fox 10 News weather map. A consequence of global warming? More like a really unfortunate, but hilarious, technical glitch.

FOX 10 Arizona Morning’s weatherman Cory McCloskey just rolled with it: “1270 in Ahwatukee. Now, I’m not authorized to evacuate Ahwatukee, but this temperature seems pretty high…Frankly, Wickenburg [2385] is a total loss…Surprise is starting to heat up as well at 1300 degrees…Again, I’m not your dad, but I would get out while you still can.”

TIME Internet

This Website Will Turn Your Tweets Into Beautiful, Ridiculous Poems

Twitter Says 23 Million of Its Users Are Not Actually Bots
A user scrolls through a Twitter feed. Bloomberg via Getty Images

Shall I compare thy Twitter feed to a summer's day?

Some people already seem to think tweeting is an art form — and a new website wants to take your 140-character quips and turn them into real, bona fide poetry.

This wonderful tool, called Poetweet, will simply scan your tweets and turn them into one of three poetic forms: either a sonnet, a rondel or an indriso. All you do is plug in your Twitter handle, choose the form you prefer and then sit back and wait for magical, poetic glory to emerge.

I tested it out with my personal Twitter account and got some interesting results. It’s not the best poem, necessarily, but my co-workers seem to think it captures my essence pretty well:

American Listicle
by Samantha Grossman

Same
PLAY BY THE RULES
Of human emotion at a Knicks game
One shiba who smiles about bubbles

I was on the edge of my seat!
First place at Mean Girls trivia
10/10 would eat
Have been posted on Facebook. via

Including two run-by fruitings.
Stop saying “screenshotted”
You’re missing important things

And Darth’s head!
For Ebola in New York City. Welp.
Offering laptop batteries instead?

Try it for yourself here, but don’t expect to feel like the next Wordsworth.

TIME

Boston Police Aid Search for Mystery Marathon Shovelers

Two men appear to have kept the finish line clear during blizzard

Boston police were trying to solve a mystery Wednesday: who shoveled of the finish line of the Boston Marathon route?

The quest has inspired its own hashtag — #WhoShoveledTheFinishLine — as locals try and figure out the mystery shoveler’s identity. Philip Hillman may be the responsible for the hunt. He photographed a man shoveling snow off the end of the Boston Marathon route.

Two Instagram photos of what appear to be two different men shoveling snow suggest that the deed was not a one-man job, however.

“I was in the right place at the right time,” Hillman told TODAY. “He maintained it for a little while, but it was in the middle of the blizzard. I had no idea it would affect people the way it has, and I’m happy it has touched as many people as it did.”

The city decided to maintain the paint that marks the finish line in Boston’s Back Bay neighborhood following the 2013 attack on the city. This week’s blizzard covered Boston with more than two feet of snow.

Giving respect to the #BostonMarathon finish line. #blizzardof2015 #boylston #boston #cnnsnow

A photo posted by monkmpls (@monkmpls) on

 

TIME Advertising

This Super Bowl Ad Purposely Wants to Put You to Sleep

Squarespace recruited Jeff Bridges to lull viewers into an REM cycle

The stereotypical Super Bowl commercial involves car chases, celebrities, Victoria’s Secret models, puppies and other tropes that keeps the eyes of viewers eagerly on their screens.

Squarespace, on the other hand, wants its Super Bowl ad to put people to sleep. And it has enlisted Jeff Bridges to help.

The actor launched an album called “Jeff Bridges Sleeping Tapes” Wednesday that aims to lull listeners into a REM cycle using guided meditations, relaxing sounds and Bridges’ silky smooth voice.

Where does Squarespace come in? Well, Bridges used the website publishing platform to create the album’s website, called DreamingWithJeff.com. Donations for the “pay what you like” tapes goes to Share Our Strength’s No Kid Hungry campaign.

It’s possible that the prospect of napping with The Dude will be more appealing to big game watchers than taking selfies with Kim Kardashian.

 

TIME celebrity

Here’s What Conan’s Show Would Look Like in Minecraft

Game on

On Tuesday night, Conan O’Brien says his show’s team asked Minecraft, the popular virtual world video game, if they could do an episode of Conan in Minecraft, and the company said no. But considering there are tons of customizable Minecraft maps, it was not hard for the comedian’s staff to just make their own. There is a red-headed cubist figure of Conan, his desk, the audience and the game even played around with the idea of hosting the show from a pirate ship or fire pit.

It is not the first time the comedian has lampooned the blocky game. He mocked Microsoft’s acquisition of its maker Mojang in the format of the game and, in a 2012 mock review of Minecraft for Xbox 360, described players as “young people [who] really can’t see well…people who have never seen what a real house looks like, and [who] like depressing climates.”

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