TIME viral

Girl Wakes Up After Wisdom Teeth Surgery Absolutely Devastated She’s Not Nicki Minaj

Also that she's not friends with Ellen DeGeneres

Okay, the trend of people recording their friends and family saying ridiculous things while drugged from wisdom teeth surgery should probably stop — but it’s still pretty entertaining.

The latest video in this genre features Jayci Underwood, who spends nearly six minutes lamenting the fact that she did not emerge from her dental procedure as Nicki Minaj. She thought the doctors were going to give her Minaj’s butt and face, and also change her ethnicity. She’s really bummed this doesn’t happen. In fact, she’s bummed about a lot of things, like the fact that she isn’t friends with Ellen DeGeneres. “Ellen DeGeneres is generous,” she wails. “That’s literally her name. And I love her.” Underwood is also bummed out because she thinks her lips make her look like Jay Z — until she realizes this might help her befriend Beyoncé.

TIME Bizarre

Dallas Man’s Halloween House Decorations Look Like Ebola Patients’ Quarantined Apartments

Too soon?

A Dallas man’s Ebola-themed Halloween decorations are going viral.

Dressed in a protective suit, James Faulk set up biohazard barrels and bags of “biowaste” surrounded by yellow caution tape in front of his University Park house and wrapped the second-floor balcony in white tape that says “quarantine.” The decorations are supposed to mimic the scene outside the apartment complex where Thomas Eric Duncan, the first person to die of Ebola in the U.S., stayed when he fell ill.

Faulk told the Associated Press he’s trying to lighten the mood, as residents in the Dallas area are on edge after two of Duncan’s nurses contracted the virus as well — though one was determined to be free of the virus Friday morning.

The question is whether it’s too soon to make light of the virus in general.

LM Otero—AP
TIME viral

Watch an Actual Bass Vocalist Sing ‘All About That Bass’

With some cheeseburgers just because

Here is a video of a bass vocalist named Avi Kaplan singing Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass,” with backup singers Mario Jose and Naomi Samilton.

As a bonus, Kaplan’s gender reversal in the lyrics makes for a refreshing nod to male body image issues. Plus there are cheeseburgers and two heaping plates of french fries, which are fun to stare at, especially when three beautiful voices are telling you your belly is just fine like it is.

WATCH: Here’s ‘All About That Bass’ Played on an Actual Upright Bass

WATCH: ‘All About That Bass’ Actually Sounds Really Terrible Without Any Treble

WATCH: Even Meghan Trainor’s Mom Is Tired of Hearing ‘All About That Bass’



TIME fun

Feel Good Friday: 15 Fun Photos to Start Your Weekend

From flying off mountains to backflipping in Palestine, here's a handful of photos to get your weekend started right

TIME Pictures of the Week

Pictures of the Week: Oct. 17 – 24

From the sentencing of Oscar Pistorius and a fatal shooting at the Canadian War Memorial, to a pair of white lion cubs in Serbia and Darth Vader on the campaign trail, TIME presents the best pictures of the week.

TIME celebrities

Madeleine Albright Out-Burns Conan O’Brien on Twitter

Conan O'brien wearing a muscle suit and Madeline Albright speaking at the 8th Annual Clinton Global Citizen Awards
Conan O'brien wearing a muscle suit and Madeline Albright speaking at the 8th Annual Clinton Global Citizen Awards (2) Getty Images

The TV host and former Secretary of State exchanged jokey barbs over Halloween costume ideas

It started as a joke, but we’re hoping it could lead to a full-on Twitter war for the ages. Conan O’Brien tweeted his Halloween costume idea on Thursday:

The image of the red-headed comedian dressed up as the first female Secretary of State was funny enough, but then Albright hit back at O’Brien saying that she, too, was mulling a celebrity costume:

Albright 1, O’Brien 0.

And it looks like this social media brawl may expand, as Conan implied:

TIME society

10 Terrible Excuses People Actually Used to Skip Work

Don't we all wish we could say "woke up in a good mood and didn't want to ruin it"?

A new national survey by CareerBuilder.com and Harris Poll reveals the most suspicious excuses for blowing off work. They are:

  1. Employee just put a casserole in the oven.
  2. Employee’s plastic surgery for enhancement purposes needed some “tweaking” to get it just right.
  3. Employee was sitting in the bathroom and her feet and legs fell asleep. When she stood, up she fell and broke her ankle.
  4. Employee had been at the casino all weekend and still had money left to play with on Monday morning.
  5. Employee woke up in a good mood and didn’t want to ruin it.
  6. Employee had a “lucky night” and didn’t know where he was.
  7. Employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn’t get out.
  8. Employee had a gall stone they wanted to heal holistically.
  9. Employee caught their uniform on fire by putting it in the microwave to dry.
  10. Employee accidentally got on a plane.

The poll, conducted online between ­­Aug. 11 to Sept. 5, 2014, surveyed 3,103 workers and 2,203 hiring managers and human resource professionals.

TIME royals

Can You Tell the Difference Between a Royal and a Dummy?

See your favorite members of the royal family and their wax dummy duplicates, which were unveiled at Madame Tussauds in New York City on Oct. 23

TIME World

This Powerful Cartoon About the Ottawa Shooting Is Bringing Canada to Tears

It's been called the perfect tribute to a fallen soldier

An editorial cartoon has touched Canadians who were affected by the shooting at the National War Memorial in Ottawa yesterday.

Chronicle Herald‘s cartoonist Bruce MacKinnon drew one of the memorial’s bronze World War I soldiers offering a hand to Cpl. Nathan Cirillo, the 24-year-old reservist who was killed, as a soldier kneels by his side:

“That’s the part that touched me – the feet,” Ian Thompson, associate publisher of the Chronicle Herald, said in a statement.

The illustration prompted an emotional outpouring on Twitter:

TIME Music

This Is Bette Midler Covering TLC’s ‘Waterfalls’

Yes, seriously.

On Nov. 4, Bette Midler will release her first album in six years. It’s called It’s The Girls and features covers of songs by famous girl groups, ranging from The Boswell Sisters to TLC. Yes, that TLC. Listen here as she offers her take on their 1995 classic, “Waterfalls.”

Yeah, we don’t really what to say either.

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