10 Boundaries Therapists Want You to Set in the New Year

December 31, 2024 8:00 AM EST

If you want to boost your well-being in 2025, skip the New Year’s resolutions and set some boundaries instead. That means being clear about your wants, needs, and deal-breakers—and in the process, improving every aspect of your life.

There are a few types of boundaries, says Juliane Taylor Shore, a therapist in Austin and author of Setting Boundaries That Stick. Physical boundaries, for example, protect your personal space; you might enforce one by taking a step back when someone gets too close. You can also set external boundaries, which means defining for yourself what is and isn’t OK, and acting accordingly.

That makes boundaries different from a request. “If, for example, I had a family member with different political views, and I asked them to stop bringing [a certain candidate] up, that's a direct request,” she says. “Whereas a boundary is, ‘I’m not comfortable with this conversation continuing. I'm no longer going to speak to you about this.’” Boundaries aren’t about controlling other people, she adds—they’re about taking action to protect your mental health.

Think of boundaries as “your own personal rules of engagement for how others will interact with you,” says Terri Cole, a New York-based therapist and author of Boundary Boss. If you don’t set any, you’ll likely become stressed and burned out, and as resentment simmers, your relationships might become strained. With boundaries in place, on the other hand, your confidence and self-esteem will leap upwards, you’ll have a greater sense of control, and you’ll feel both physically and emotionally safe.

We asked therapists to share the boundaries they're setting for themselves in 2025. The lines they're drawing just might benefit you, too.

Push back against workload creep

Shore has a problem: She works too much. She loves what she does, but she also wants to spend more time with her young daughter. Sound familiar? Follow her lead and set a boundary by deliberately pausing before agreeing to anything that will add extra work to your plate.

When a request pings in Shore’s inbox, for example, she’s carefully thinks through what she would inherently be saying no to by agreeing to take on the project. “The truth is, I shouldn’t say yes to all the new things, because then I have no time,” she says. Building in a buffer before auto-accepting can help you overcome people-pleasing tendencies and start to restore much-needed balance in your life.

“My hope is that I’m a little more rested and a little more balanced in work-life,” she says. “I’m already telling my daughter that mom is changing some stuff, and I need to really commit to that so she sees I’m serious.”

Reserve sacred tech-free time

Wouldn’t it be nice to carve out some time that’s for you, and only you? That inspired Cole’s new boundary: She’s not going to do anything that involves the internet before 11 a.m. (Lucky for Cole, she sets her own work hours.) Instead, she’ll jump on her trampoline, walk her dog, have coffee with her husband, feed her chickens, and meditate. “It’s OK to do it. The realization is that nothing falls apart,” she says. “We think it'll be a calamity, but then things keep ticking.”

If staying offline until 11 isn’t feasible for you, pick a different time, she suggests. Maybe you could adopt an internet-free hour in the evening, swear off technology one day each weekend, or stop responding to texts after 8 p.m. If you think of boundaries the way Cole does—as self-care and self-consideration—you’ll likely realize that reserving time for yourself replenishes you. “You’ll go into the day with such good energy, instead of having resentful or constricted energy,” she says. “You’ll be happier, the work you’re doing will be better, and the way you’re interacting in your intimate relationships will be better.”

Treat the news like a snack

Alex Oliver-Gans is ready to stop doomscrolling—and you would probably benefit from doing the same. The San Francisco-based therapist recognizes that constantly refreshing the headlines takes a toll on him; during the workday, it makes him less emotionally available to clients, and it causes unnecessary stress. “There’s a lot of pressure to keep up, like it's what's expected of me or the right thing to do, and I need to redefine what the actual limit is for me,” he says. “What I would love to do is approach it like I imagine it was back in the day before cable news, when the newspaper arrived once or twice a day.”

If you don’t like your compulsive news-seeking habit either, join him in checking the headlines just twice a day. If that still feels like too much, Oliver-Gans suggests subscribing to a weekly newsletter that summarizes recent events, and catching up in one condensed session. You’ll probably end up feeling more focused and optimistic, he predicts.

Banish tech from the bedroom

In 2025, enter a long-distance relationship with your phone—at least overnight. Oliver-Gans is going to start keeping his other half (aka his phone) in another room, and he encourages others to set the same boundary. “Nobody has told me I need to have my phone next to me all the time, but for a long time, it was like, what if somebody calls in the middle of the night, or there's an emergency?” he says. “But I also can't think of a time when that happened.”

If you, too, operate under the assumption that other people expect you to be available 24/7, reevaluate that notion, he suggests. You might find that if you keep your phone in another room overnight—after letting your friends know about your new boundary—you’ll sleep better and feel more refreshed in the morning.

Expect equal conversational effort

Heather Stevenson, a clinical psychologist in New York City, puts a lot of work into ensuring her relationships thrive—making sure conversations don’t falter, for example, and helping other people open up. That’s often at the expense of sharing much about herself. “It comes at a cost to me, and ends up really draining me,” she says. “I want relationships to be reciprocal and mutual.”

Perhaps you recognize the same patterns in your own relationships. In 2025, take a step back in conversations, especially with friends, family members, and in romantic relationships, and let the other person put in some effort. “Maybe it’s not filling in all the gaps when there’s a lull, or saying no to spending time with someone where there's that imbalance,” Stevenson says. If you follow in her footsteps, you’ll likely find that you’re happier—with the clarity you need to prioritize the most fulfilling relationships.

Trade FaceTime for face time

Kathleen Smith’s days often pass in a virtual haze. The Washington, D.C.-based therapist sees clients online during the day, and then hops back on Zoom in the evening to meet with fellow leaders in the organizations she’s involved with. Then there’s even more tech when it’s time to catch up with long-distance friends and family. “I’ve had to think about how much of my life I want to spend in that medium,” says Smith, author of True to You. “I’m trying to be very thoughtful about how much of my week is on Zoom.”

If that resonates with you, make it a point to say no to extracurricular opportunities that involve online meetings, or let the organizers know that you can’t commit to lots of virtual time. Then, they can choose to proceed with or without you, Smith says: “People get to decide, do they still want you to be part of what they're doing if you're not going to be on Zoom with them a lot of time?”

She also recommends seeking out community-based opportunities that prioritize getting together in person. “All those side conversations that happen when you get together with people are really good for your mental health” and will help brighten your year.

Stop overapologizing

Women, in particular, tend to have a conditioned aversion to causing any sort of perceived discomfort or inconvenience. That's why so many are always apologizing, points out Lauren Farina, a psychotherapist in Chicago. “I think that sets the tone to really disempower ourselves,” she says. “We put ourselves in a subordinate position when we're apologizing for something that isn't even our fault or our responsibility.”

In 2025, she’s setting a boundary by only apologizing when she truly means it. If you recognize that you could benefit from doing the same, she recommends training yourself to pause before reacting—which can help you be intentional about what you say. Another of her favorite strategies: If you’re tempted to apologize, challenge yourself to express gratitude instead. “Instead of saying, ‘I’m so sorry to bother you,’ you might say, ‘Thanks so much for taking the time,’” she suggests.

Develop a new relationship with the word “yes”

In 2025, one of Farina’s boundaries will be no longer saying “yes” when she really means “no,” like accepting a social invitation out of obligation. “My values include connection and authenticity, so saying yes out of a sense of duty is antithetical to those values,” she says. “I’m really committing—and I encourage others to commit—to being thoughtful and intentional about what they take on.”

To implement this boundary, Farina suggests getting into the habit of asking yourself this question: “Did I say what I meant? And how is that affecting my mind and body?” By getting in tune with yourself and your desires, you’ll get better at only saying yes when you really mean it, she says. That will boost your quality of life. “We all have a finite pool of internal resources,” she says. “I'm hoping that by setting this boundary, it’ll free up my time and energy.”

Subdue your energy vampires

Sarah Rafik Botrus isn’t going to have bad blood with the vampires in her life—the ones who feed off and drain other people’s energy. But she is going to protect herself from them. Botrus, a therapist in Pasadena, Calif., has taken inventory of the people who leave her feeling emotionally, mentally, or even physically exhausted. “They’re constantly negative, overwhelmingly needy, create unnecessary drama, emotionally dump on you, and have a hard time reciprocating in relationships,” she says.

Maybe you have some energy vampires in your life, too. Botrus recommends reflecting on how much time you can handle being around them: Two hours? Ten minutes? Then, set a boundary by only spending that amount of time in their presence. You might tell them: “I only have 5 minutes to talk, and then I have to head out to an appointment.” Or: “I’ll stop by for an hour, but then I have to leave to get to another obligation.” With time, she predicts, draining relationships will become more positive, because you’re not allowing them to suck up too much of your time and energy.

Share less online

Botrus is setting a boundary around social media in 2025 by limiting how much she shares about her personal life. “I think it’s important to decide what’s sacred and doesn’t need an audience,” she says. When she’s looking at her life through a camera, she’s found, it tarnishes her ability to fully experience and enjoy the moment. Plus, feeding your special, private moments into the algorithm can taint them—instead of belonging to you, they belong to the world, where they may attract all sorts of feedback.

Botrus is hoping to get pregnant in the coming year, and she plans to eventually share the news by sending a card to her loved ones, rather than plastering it across the internet. “Then it becomes about me and my husband, or my loved ones, rather than having these moments with the camera,” she says.

If you’re ready to double-tap that sentiment, ease in via a Dry January-esque social media detox, Botrus advises. Disable your accounts for the entire month, or if that feels like a step too far, commit to only posting two days of the week. Cutting back on how much time you spend scrolling through your networks’ updates can override the need you might feel to keep up—and, in doing so, help you feel like a more active participant in all the moments you’ll look back on fondly at the end of the year.