How to Make an Argument That’s Actually Persuasive

In a fascinating experiment, researchers from Stanford and the University of Toronto examined how we try to persuade other people to change their minds. It involved roughly 200 people—half of whom identified themselves as politically liberal and half as conservative. The liberals were asked to write a few sentences to convince conservatives to support same-sex marriage. The conservatives were asked to write a few sentences to convince liberals to support English as the official language of the United States. What happened?

Almost everyone failed.

Among the liberals, the vast majority (74%) made their arguments for same-sex marriage by evoking values often favored by liberals, like fairness and equality. (For example, “They deserve the same equal rights as other Americans.”) Only 9% of liberals appealed to conservatives with values often favored by conservatives, like loyalty and unity. (“Our fellow citizens of the United States of America deserve to stand alongside us.”) Worse, a third of liberals (34%) also used arguments that contradicted values favored by conservatives, like the importance of faith. (“Although you may personally believe your faith should be against such a thing . . . your religion should play no part in the laws of the United States.”) Talk about not reading the room!

The conservatives fared no better. The vast majority (70%) argued for English as the official language of the United States using values often favored by conservatives, like loyalty and unity. (For example, “Making English the official language will help unify the country as we all can communicate with one another and speak the same national language.”) Only 8% of conservatives appealed to liberals with values favored by liberals, like fairness. (“By making English our official language, there will be less racism and discrimination.”) And 14% of conservatives used arguments that contradicted values favored by liberals. (“So those of you preaching diversity and equality, who think everyone should take advantage of us, should think real hard.”) Attacking your audience is . . . not persuasive.

At one time or another, we’ve all done it, whether at Thanksgiving dinner with our families or a community meeting with our neighbors. We often try to convince someone of something by using the arguments and appealing to the values that make sense to us. And other people do it right back to us. We talk past each other. “Most people are not very good at appealing to other people’s values,” said Matthew Feinberg, a coauthor of the study and a professor of organizational behavior at the University of Toronto.

Which may also explain why sometimes the more we talk, the less likely we are to change the minds of people who see the world differently than we do. In another study, researchers asked hundreds of liberals to follow prominent conservatives on what was then Twitter and hundreds of conservatives to follow prominent liberals. Think anyone was persuaded? Of course not. In fact, after about a month, the conservatives were even more conservative in their beliefs and the liberals were even more liberal.

Read More: Fighting With a Family Member Over Politics? Try These 4 Steps

Why are we so bad at persuading people who see the world through different eyes?

Researchers at the University of California Irvine have one possible answer. They argue that many of us have a “moral empathy gap”—we often fail to appreciate that other people have a different moral worldview than our own. “Our inability to feel what others feel,” the researchers explained, “makes it difficult to understand how they think”—which, in turn, makes it difficult to connect, communicate, and persuade.

But there’s hope.

Some social psychologists argue that we humans tend to see the world through several major prisms, or “moral foundations.” These foundations go something like this:

Care/Harm—a focus on caring for and protecting others from harm.

Fairness/Cheating—an emphasis on equal treatment and an opposition to cheating.

Authority/Subversion—a deep respect for hierarchy and authority and a disapproval of subversion. 

Loyalty/Betrayal—devotion to family, community, and country, and a disdain for betrayal.

Sanctity/Degradation—a belief in upholding the sanctity of our bodies, institutions, and lives.

Liberty/Oppression—an emphasis on independence and a rejection of oppression.

Of course, these six moral foundations alone can’t explain everyone’s beliefs about every issue, and few of us identify with just one. Still, as you read through them, you may find yourself drawn more to certain ones. Consider yourself more progressive or liberal? You might gravitate toward care and fairness. More traditional or conservative in your views? You might see a lot to like with authority, loyalty, and sanctity. And whatever our ideological orientation, what’s not to like about liberty?

When I first learned about moral foundations after leaving the White House, where I worked as a speechwriter for President Obama from 2009 to 2017, it felt like an epiphany. I felt like I’d finally found the theory behind what I’d been practicing for decades in my work. Because, to me, “moral foundations” is another way of saying “values,” and values can help you build bridges with any audience, even in these polarized times.

The values we share

One Saturday a few years ago, I spent the day in a church basement in Virginia listening to about a dozen Americans talk about their lives, their beliefs, and their country. Half identified themselves as conservative and half as liberal. As you’d expect, things got heated. Fast. Some people struggled to express themselves without disparaging the other side. A few folks fell back on familiar talking points they’d heard from politicians and TV pundits.

But there were also some surprises, which was the point. The meeting was convened by Braver Angels, a group devoted to helping Americans bridge partisan divides. Over seven hours of intense and emotionally exhausting conversations, some of these conservatives and liberals started to sound like . . . one another. Liberals proudly described their deep religious faith, their service in the military, and how they value family above all else. Conservatives said it was important for communities to welcome immigrants of all backgrounds and that America needs to be a place where people of all races and religions can thrive.

At times, these conservatives and liberals even used the exact same words to describe their beliefs and goals—“the dignity of the individual . . . respect for all people . . . creating opportunity for more Americans to succeed.”

“The other side,” joked one person, “was not as unreasonable as I expected.”

Of course, cherishing the same values can sometimes lead people to hold profoundly different opinions on specific issues. To many conservatives, “freedom” means freedom from excessive government regulation; to many liberals, it means a larger role for government in areas like education and health care to help people live their lives in freedom and security. To many conservatives, “caring for others” and “protecting life” means protecting the unborn from abortion; to many liberals, it means protecting the life and choices of the mother.

Still, many of us fail to realize that, even as we disagree with one another on specific issues (sometimes vehemently), most people share our basic values. In one survey, Republicans and Democrats were asked about their own views and those of people in the other party. Less than a third of Democrats believed that Republicans think it’s “extremely or very important” for Americans to learn from the past so the country can make progress. In fact, 91% of Republicans said they believe that. Likewise, only about a third of Republicans believed that Democrats think it’s “extremely or very important” that government be accountable to the people. In fact, 90% of Democrats said they believe that.

It’s true across other values as well. Roughly 90% of the people in the survey, Republicans and Democrats alike, said that personal responsibility, fair enforcement of the law, compassion, and respect across differences were important to them. What one person in that church basement in Virginia said seems to be true: “We have sincere differences, but I think we’re motivated by deeply shared principles.”

That's the beauty and the power of appealing to values. Values can help us transcend the usual fault lines in our families, companies, and countries.

Which means the next time you get up to speak and try to connect with or persuade your audience—whether at Thanksgiving dinner or your town meeting—don't simply argue the points that make sense to you. Instead, try to speak to the broader, deeper values that matter most to your listeners and that, even in these divided times, can help us find some common ground in our families, our communities, and our country.

Adapted excerpt from Say It Well: Find Your Voice, Speak Your Mind, Inspire Any Audience by Terry Szuplat. Copyright 2024 by Terry Szuplat. To be published by Harper Business, a division of HarperCollins Publishers. Reprinted by permission.