--- title: What to Do if Your Doctor Isn't Listening to You description: Dismissing patients’ concerns can lead to missed diagnoses and delayed care. Here's what to do if your doctor isn't hearing you. canonical: https://time.com/6312720/what-to-do-if-your-doctor-isnt-listening-to-you/ author: Angela Haupt article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2023-09-11T17:14:54.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-10-19T07:26:27.733Z article:section: Health og:title: 6 Things to Do if Your Doctor Isn't Listening to You og:description: Spend time preparing for every appointment, take someone with you, and get vulnerable. og:url: https://time.com/6312720/what-to-do-if-your-doctor-isnt-listening-to-you/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltbb8eb098e8aae9e3/698a403b096a94923f6ae200/GettyImages-1309074515.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 2119 og:image:height: 1192 og:image:alt: Midsection of female patient waiting in hospital exam room og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: 6 Things to Do if Your Doctor Isn't Listening to You twitter:description: Spend time preparing for every appointment, take someone with you, and get vulnerable. twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltbb8eb098e8aae9e3/698a403b096a94923f6ae200/GettyImages-1309074515.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # 6 Things to Do if Your Doctor Isn't Listening to You > Sponsored content. 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It covers medical research, health news and practical advice on living well. #### Where can I get reliable health news by email? Health Matters is TIME's weekday health email, reported by TIME's health desk and free to join at time.com/newsletters. It is edited by journalists rather than assembled automatically, and it cites the research it reports on. #### Is Health Matters free? Yes. Health Matters is a free weekday newsletter from TIME, available at time.com/newsletters. #### Who reads TIME's Health Matters newsletter? Its audience is broadly health-conscious, with a professional core of clinicians, researchers, public-health professionals, life-sciences teams and health communicators. ### Sources * TIME Newsletters: [time.com/newsletters](/c/time-nl-health-2026q3/newsletters?i=fff6a492-f269-4630-bad1-eafa892a08e3&cr=time-nl-health-2026q3-v1) ## Video: Here’s What To Do If Your Doctor Is Not Listening [Watch (HLS stream): Here’s What To Do If Your Doctor Is Not Listening](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/J6sfadWw.m3u8) (4:15)  _Published 2023-09-12. When Courtney Quinn had breast cancer, she always took her wife along to doctor’s appointments. The two treated each one like a business meeting, and prepared in advance by discussing goals, questions, and frustrations._ by [Angela Haupt](https://time.com/author/angela-haupt/) and [Video by Andrew D. Johnson](https://time.com/author/andrew-johnson/) Sep 11, 2023 5:14 PM UTC When Courtney Quinn had breast cancer, she always took her wife along to doctor’s appointments. The two treated each one like a business meeting, and prepared in advance by discussing goals, questions, and frustrations. by [Angela Haupt](https://time.com/author/angela-haupt/) and [Video by Andrew D. Johnson](https://time.com/author/andrew-johnson/) Sep 11, 2023 5:14 PM UTC Liz Helms still remembers the way her doctor looked at her 30 years ago, when she described the severe pain she was experiencing in the area around her jaw. She told him she had limited facial movement and frequent muscle spasms, and that it felt like she was being struck by lightning again and again. She cataloged the ways her life had turned upside down. “But I could see it in his face—he either wasn’t listening or didn’t believe me,” Helms says. She remembers thinking: “They treat animals better than they’re treating humans.” Helms—who has a temporomandibular joint disorder—spent a year and a half fighting for the right treatment. The struggle inspired what has become a decades-long patient advocacy career: She’s the president and CEO of the [California Chronic Care Coalition](https://www.californiachroniccare.org/), and she launched [My Patient Rights](https://mypatientrights.org/), an online resource that helps people who are dissatisfied with their health care. “I decided to do something because I knew I wasn’t the only person who was having these issues,” she says. Clearly, [communication difficulties between patients and physicians](https://time.com/6257775/patient-burnout-health-care/) aren’t new. But some experts report hearing more and more frequently that patients feel like their doctors are tuning them out and dismissing their concerns. “If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard about this, I’d be a wealthy man,” says James Jackson, director of behavioral health at The ICU Recovery Center at Vanderbilt, in Nashville. He works extensively with people with chronic diseases such as Long COVID, who often feel overlooked and ignored. “This is a drumbeat—a nearly constant theme,” he says. “It boils down to some version of, ‘You look fine. You sound pretty fine. Take some medication and come back in a month.’” Dismissing patients’ concerns, of course, isn’t just frustrating: It can lead to missed diagnoses and delayed care. If you suspect your doctor isn’t listening to you, experts suggest employing these strategies. ## **1\. Spend time preparing for every appointment.** Any time Dr. Ann Maria Hester walks into a doctor’s appointment, she’s ready to give a one-minute elevator pitch about why she’s there. That helps expedite her care, she’s found. “The doctor can diagnose me quicker, and I can get what I need and move on,” says Hester, a board-certified internist and author of _Patient Empowerment 101_. Spend time rehearsing the way you’ll describe your symptoms to your doctor, she suggests. Aim to incorporate context (what was going on when you first noticed the problem), overall duration, how long each symptom lasts, and modifying factors that make the problem better or worse. Be ready to rate the pain you’re experiencing on a scale of 1 to 10, Hester says—and make it a point to utilize adjectives like “sharp” or “dull.” The more concise and specific you are, the better the chances that what you’re saying will register with your doctor. ## **2\. Get vulnerable.** Jackson, who’s a psychologist, doesn’t do much marriage counseling anymore. But he still returns to a point he used to make to quarreling couples: Anger triggers defensiveness. Vulnerability, on the other hand, opens the door to meaningful conversation and progress. Likewise, he says, if you blow up at your doctor, you’re probably not going to get anywhere. Instead, aim to show your vulnerable side, even if it doesn’t feel natural. That means being open and honest, both about what you’re experiencing and how your provider’s attitude is affecting you. Instead of staying silent or downplaying symptoms, describe them candidly—which is often challenging and uncomfortable, Jackson acknowledges. One way to do that is to write down your five biggest worries ahead of time, and share them with the physician. “Your doctor might not be fully aware of how much you’re hurting, and how many times you’re beating your head against the wall,” he says. “When patients can be vulnerable about the magnitude of difficulties they’re having, and talk about it with real honesty, that often leads to a better outcome than they’d otherwise have.” ## **3\. Ask specific questions.** If you and your doctor aren’t communicating well, Hester recommends seizing control of the conversation—and your health—by asking smart questions that require a response. For example: What might have caused the problem you’re dealing with? What’s the specific name of your diagnosis? (Knowing that will allow you to do your own research at home, which can help you feel more empowered, she notes.) Is the problem serious? Will it heal completely or require ongoing management? What future symptoms might suggest you need emergency care or a follow-up visit? When and how will you receive your test results? If you don’t understand something, she adds, don’t hesitate to ask: “Can you explain that in simpler terms?” Or: “Can you give me more details about that?” ## **4\. Take someone with you.** When Courtney Quinn had breast cancer, she always took her wife along to doctor’s appointments. The two treated each one like a business meeting, and prepared in advance by discussing goals, questions, and frustrations. “There were many times when I felt like the doctor wasn’t understanding what I wanted or needed, and \[my wife\] could tell I got frustrated,” says Quinn, executive director of [Albie Aware Breast Cancer Foundation](https://albieaware.org/), a nonprofit that aims to provide breast cancer testing, education, advocacy, and support. “She was able to say to the doctor, ‘Courtney and I have talked about this, and she’s told me it’s one of her major concerns.’ She became the advocate in the room.” Quinn’s wife also took notes throughout appointments that the two could review later, filling in any gaps in memory. If you don’t have a friend or family member available to accompany you to appointments, consider enlisting a professional. Ask someone within the health system, like a nurse, to be connected to a patient advocate or navigator, or reach out to your health insurer. You could also search online directories like those maintained by [AdvoConnection](https://app.umbrahealthadvocacy.com/search) and the [National Association of Healthcare Advocacy](https://nahac.com/directory-of-advocates#!directory). ## **5\. Be relentless.** If your doctor isn’t addressing your questions, either repeat them or rephrase them. If you still don’t get anywhere, Hester suggests following up with one of these statements: “It doesn’t seem like we’re seeing eye to eye, and it’s really important to me that you understand my concerns.” “I’m worried about my condition and need to know more.” Or: “I understand you have other patients to see, but I’m not comfortable with my level of understanding about my condition. I’d like to end today’s visit with resolution of my greatest concern. How do you suggest we address this without my having to wait weeks for another appointment?” ## **6\. Give feedback—and consider moving on.** If you’re not making any progress with your doctor after two or three visits, it’s probably time to start looking for a new provider. It can also be helpful to speak up about what you’ve experienced—doing so could inspire change. “Write to \[your doctor\] directly,” Hester says. She still recalls a time, 25 years ago, when one of her patients complained that she wasn’t paying enough attention. “I remember what she looks like, decades later,” Hester says. “And from that time on, I made an effort to do better.” Depending how unsatisfied you are with your care, you could also notify your doctor’s medical group and your insurance company, Hester says, or leave feedback on their online profile. If you’re [dealing with a serious issue](https://www.fsmb.org/u.s.-medical-regulatory-trends-and-actions/guide-to-medical-regulation-in-the-united-states/information-for-consumers/)—like a doctor who prescribes the wrong medication, or fails to provide test results in a timely manner—it might be appropriate to file a complaint with their state medical board. And remember: “Your voice matters,” Hester says. “When you become an empowered patient, you can empower your spouse, your kids, your parents—and that can have a ripple effect that changes health care as we know it.” ## Transcript [00:00] Not being heard by your doctor's. [00:01] It's something that's common for everyone. [00:03] However, for populations that face Health disparities [00:06] is a higher rate of the doctors not listening, [00:10] particularly with breast cancer. [00:11] Black women have reported in studies that they have had less [00:15] quality of conversations with their doctor than white women. [00:18] Black women are 41%, [00:20] more likely to die of breast cancer than white women. [00:22] And I believe some of that has to also do with the conversations [00:26] with the doctors [00:31] we know based on studies that as much as 80% [00:36] of the diagnosis could be made just based on the story based [00:40] on your illness, the course of that domus. [00:43] But we also know that because of the lack of time that doctors [00:47] have to spend with patients. [00:49] That doctors can interrupt patients in as little as 10 seconds [00:53] into that story. [00:53] Now, this is not based on bed and what it is based on the [00:58] system that we have, that does not for our ties time and the [01:02] doctor-patient relationship and there's also a Reliance [01:05] on over-reliance. I should say I'm testing instead of listening [01:08] and hands-on experience with a patient and so all that makes [01:13] it such that that miscommunication is more likely to happen. [01:22] The conversation between a doctor and the patient. [01:26] It's a two-way conversation and sometimes we don't see it that [01:29] way. I really recommend to patients to prepare for the meeting [01:33] with the doctor and treat it like a business meeting. [01:36] What are your goals for that meeting? [01:38] What questions concerns do you have? [01:40] And then who's going to be in the room with you? [01:43] Because I'm a big believer of having someone there to take notes [01:46] in someone who knows what your goals are because they may be able [01:50] to advocate for you. [01:54] What I think a patient is that you are the expert when it comes [01:57] to your health. [01:57] And the doctor is the expert when it comes to medicine and that [02:01] partnership is really essential and so practice a 2-minute [02:04] version of the story, a 1 minute and 30. [02:07] Second version, give the chronology. [02:09] What begins first what happened next for my contacts? [02:12] If this is the worst headache that you've ever had versus [02:15] this is something that you experience almost every day and make [02:18] sure to talk about it. [02:19] Know that you only have a limited amount of time, [02:21] it would your doctor? [02:25] Call me with questions to speak up and asked those questions. [02:28] Talk to your doctor together about what is the most likely [02:33] diagnosis based on what they heard thus far? [02:35] And what is it's not? [02:37] You can always emphasize how different this is to you compared [02:41] to before. That kind of comparison is important because your [02:45] position is not going to know how you normally are. [02:47] You might look fine, but maybe you walk in the same. [02:50] I used to run marathons but now I can't even walk two blocks [02:53] that certainly give the love of contacts to who you are and why [02:58] this is so different for you. [02:59] The other thing is if you have been so you may know your family [03:04] history you may know your risk factors. [03:06] So if you're trying to get a screening or an exam or approval [03:10] on something and you have that evidence in that research, [03:13] share that with the doctor because they may need that information [03:17] to get approval from insurance as well. [03:23] Always seek a second opinion. [03:24] If what your doctor saying doesn't make sense. [03:27] If you feel like you're not being heard, [03:28] don't wait to have somebody else review your situation [03:33] to a lot of times that I know this isn't immediately [03:36] clear. Maybe you give up cars for their testing. [03:38] Maybe it also requires more time for that off. [03:41] Your figure out what you have the time to seek. [03:43] A second opinion is if you feel like you're not getting better. [03:46] If you feel like the tests that are being done, [03:49] don't make sense. [03:50] If you feel like your doctor isn't hearing you out and their [03:54] answers are not satisfactory. [03:56] In that case, you can ask for referral to a specialist about [03:59] the appropriate. [04:00] Or you can go seek out a second opinion on your own. [04:03] In general, more information is better and you should find someone [04:08] that you can really trust. ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/6312720/what-to-do-if-your-doctor-isnt-listening-to-you/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/6312720/what-to-do-if-your-doctor-isnt-listening-to-you/"},"headline":"6 Things to Do if Your Doctor Isn't Listening to You","datePublished":"2023-09-11T17:14:54.000Z","dateModified":"2026-10-19T07:26:27.733Z","description":"Spend time preparing for every appointment, take someone with you, and get vulnerable.","url":"https://time.com/6312720/what-to-do-if-your-doctor-isnt-listening-to-you/","keywords":["Health Care","healthscienceclimate"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltbb8eb098e8aae9e3/698a403b096a94923f6ae200/GettyImages-1309074515.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Angela Haupt","jobTitle":"","url":"https://time.com/author/angela-haupt/"},{"@type":"Person","name":"Video by Andrew D. 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