Ask Dr. Ruth: Where’s My G-Spot?

After 30 years of working as a sex therapist, the legendary Dr. Ruth isn’t done sharing her wisdom. Here, she answers your most pressing questions on sex, relationships and life. Email your own queries to drruth@time.com, or catch up on previous installments of the Ask Dr. Ruth series.

Q: My partner and I still can’t find my G-spot, any tips?

A: I’m not in the camp of believers. Still, so many women have reported being able to have a more intense orgasm through G-spot stimulation, I also can’t say it doesn’t exist. This is where the confusion comes in, and why I say, don’t allow yourself to get frustrated because you can’t find your G-spot. And most importantly, don’t blame your partner. Don’t say to him: “You’re a lousy lover since you can’t give me G-spot orgasms.” And don’t even think that to yourself because that would be very unfair to him.

On the other hand, I’m all in favor of couples exploring their bodies for any highly sensitive areas, and yes, that includes possibly finding your G-spot. Don’t do it to the point where one or both of you is feeling frustrated. Just do it in a slow and sexy way, and if you feel something extra, great, and if you don’t, just move on — or up to your clitoris. It has been scientifically proven to be the seat of a woman’s orgasm so giving it the proper stimulation is sure to lead to the result you desire: an orgasm. Maybe not one that is extra intense, but at least one that will leave you satisfied, which should be your actual goal.

And as I said, don’t limit yourselves to stimulating the genitals. You might find other parts of your body that are extremely sensitive when stimulated. Even if this activity doesn’t lead to an orgasm, as long as it’s pleasurable, then it’s worth doing.

Email questions to drruth@time.com.