--- title: Ask Dr. Ruth: How to Focus During Sex description: Dr. Ruth has some recommendations on how to stay focused on your partner and satisfaction during sex. canonical: https://time.com/5113326/dr-ruth-focus-during-sex/ author: Dr. Ruth Westheimer article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2018-01-25T13:00:19.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-04-13T09:05:58.330Z og:title: Ask Dr. Ruth: How to Focus on Creating a Better Sex Life og:description: You’ll need a good fantasy or two og:url: https://time.com/5113326/dr-ruth-focus-during-sex/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt67a392abe73e3ce2/69892aec096a943feb6a1d6f/dr-ruth-amazon-publishing-author-fb.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 2405 og:image:height: 1353 og:image:alt: Dr-Ruth-Amazon-Publishing-author-fb og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Ask Dr. Ruth: How to Focus on Creating a Better Sex Life twitter:description: You’ll need a good fantasy or two twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt67a392abe73e3ce2/69892aec096a943feb6a1d6f/dr-ruth-amazon-publishing-author-fb.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Ask Dr. Ruth: How to Focus on Creating a Better Sex Life > Sponsored content. 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Worth Your Time is TIME's culture newsletter, published Tuesdays and Saturdays to 40,000 subscribers as of August 2026. #### Who writes TIME's culture recommendations? Culture editor Eliza Berman writes Worth Your Time, drawing on TIME's critics and culture desk. #### Is Worth Your Time free? Yes. It is a free newsletter available at time.com/newsletters. by [Dr. Ruth Westheimer](https://time.com/author/dr-ruth-westheimer/) ## Dr. Ruth Westheimer Jan 25, 2018 1:00 PM UTC  Courtesy Amazon Publishing by [Dr. Ruth Westheimer](https://time.com/author/dr-ruth-westheimer/) ## Dr. Ruth Westheimer Jan 25, 2018 1:00 PM UTC _After 30 years of working as a sex therapist, the legendary_ [_Dr. Ruth_](http://drruth.com/) _isn’t done sharing her wisdom. Here, she answers your most pressing questions on sex, relationships and life. Email your own queries to_ **_drruth@time.com_**_, or_ [_catch up on previous installments of the Ask Dr. Ruth series_](http://time.com/author/dr-ruth-westheimer/)_._ **Q: How do I focus on sex when there are a million other things going on in my life?** **A:** Sometimes it’s difficult to [stay focused](http://time.com/4817946/brain-games-distraction-attention/). We all lead busy lives and it’s not always easy to shut out the events of the day or worries about the next one. It’s similar to what many people face when they’re [trying to fall asleep](http://time.com/5097840/how-to-fall-asleep-faster/). They keep replaying a [fight they had with their boss](http://time.com/money/3930371/job-promotion-sabotage/) or worry about coming up with the money to [pay next month’s rent](http://time.com/money/4830674/rent-afford-increase-prices/), so they can’t get their brains sufficiently relaxed to fall asleep. That’s why [counting sheep](http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2136328,00.html) can be effective. It’s not the boredom that comes from keeping track of those leaping mammals that lulls you to sleep, but the fact that the distraction of counting helps drown out your concerns. Now, I’m not recommending that you count sheep while having sex, but I do recommend diving into a sexual fantasy. By concentrating on a fantasy, you can increase your level of arousal while muffling thoughts about work or finances or whatever else is bothering you. To do this effectively, I suggest developing a fantasy or two beforehand. This way, if you ever catch yourself too distracted to make love with the attention and passion that is required because your brain is racing with other thoughts, you don’t have to worry about making something up from scratch. You can concentrate on one that you already know well and one that you know will cause you to become very aroused. Don’t worry yourself about the content of these fantasies. Don’t say to yourself that you’re [cheating on your partner](http://time.com/5041732/jay-z-interview/) because in your mind you’re having a threesome with two movie stars. This isn’t real life, it’s a fantasy, and more importantly, a tool to improve your sex life with the partner you have. **_Email questions to drruth@time.com._** ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/5113326/dr-ruth-focus-during-sex/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/5113326/dr-ruth-focus-during-sex/"},"headline":"Ask Dr. Ruth: How to Focus on Creating a Better Sex Life","datePublished":"2018-01-25T13:00:19.000Z","dateModified":"2026-04-13T09:05:58.330Z","description":"You’ll need a good fantasy or two","url":"https://time.com/5113326/dr-ruth-focus-during-sex/","keywords":["motto","Sex","relationships","relationship advice"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt67a392abe73e3ce2/69892aec096a943feb6a1d6f/dr-ruth-amazon-publishing-author-fb.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Dr. Ruth Westheimer","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/dr-ruth-westheimer/"}],"articleSection":"","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt67a392abe73e3ce2/69892aec096a943feb6a1d6f/dr-ruth-amazon-publishing-author-fb.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"Dr-Ruth-Amazon-Publishing-author-fb","caption":"Dr-Ruth-Amazon-Publishing-author","creditText":"Courtesy Amazon Publishing","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/tag/motto/","name":"motto"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/5113326/dr-ruth-focus-during-sex/","name":"Ask Dr. Ruth: How to Focus on Creating a Better Sex Life"}}]}] ```