--- title: How to Apologize the Right Way—in 4 Steps description: Think about the their needs, and not yours canonical: https://time.com/3645538/apologize-4-steps/ author: TIME article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2014-12-23T15:53:20.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-04-13T08:56:31.051Z og:title: How to Apologize the Right Way—in 4 Steps og:description: Think about the their needs, and not yours og:url: https://time.com/3645538/apologize-4-steps/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt9fa976c54bc4ec6d/6987771555a859fd61a84f3c/woman-holding-apology-note.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 3411 og:image:height: 1919 og:image:alt: woman-holding-apology-note og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: How to Apologize the Right Way—in 4 Steps twitter:description: Think about the their needs, and not yours twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt9fa976c54bc4ec6d/6987771555a859fd61a84f3c/woman-holding-apology-note.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Just in Time for Your Family Gathering, the 4 Steps to a Good Apology > Sponsored content. 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Worth Your Time is TIME's culture newsletter, published Tuesdays and Saturdays to 40,000 subscribers as of August 2026. #### Who writes TIME's culture recommendations? Culture editor Eliza Berman writes Worth Your Time, drawing on TIME's critics and culture desk. #### Is Worth Your Time free? Yes. It is a free newsletter available at time.com/newsletters. by [Health.com](https://time.com/author/health-com/) ## Health.com Contributor Dec 23, 2014 3:53 PM UTC  USA, New Jersey, Jersey City, Close up of woman showing apologize message USA, New Jersey, Jersey City, Close up of woman showing apologize message Getty Images by [Health.com](https://time.com/author/health-com/) ## Health.com Contributor Dec 23, 2014 3:53 PM UTC Apologies are on everyone’s mind these days, what with [Amy Pascal and Scott Rudin at Sony](http://insidemovies.ew.com/2014/12/11/scott-rudin-amy-pascal-apology-sony-leaked-emails/) groveling for sending racially-charged emails speculating on our President’s fave movies; Greenpeace International sniveling sorrowfully about [defacing a sacred Peruvian site](http://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-30422994); and a [Korean airline magnate begging forgiveness](http://abcnews.go.com/International/korean-air-chairman-daughter-apologize-nut-rage-incident/story?id=27550626) for his 40-year-old daughter’s flight-delaying macadamia-nut-based tantrum. Thankfully, your own faux pas may never happen on quite so international a stage. But since it’s the [holiday season](http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20306655,00.html)—full of spiked-nog-infused lapses in judgment, gift-induced hurts, office party pitfalls, and inter-familial tensions—odds are good that you’ll have to apologize for _something_ in the coming days. And as co-founder of [SorryWatch](http://www.sorrywatch.com/), our nation’s premier web site for apology education, I’m here to tell you how to do it right. **HEALTH.COM** [9 Signs You’re Headed for a Holiday Meltdown](http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20439135,00.html?xid=time-apologize-122214) ### Name your sin In an initial statement, [reported by the New York Times](http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/10/world/asia/korean-air-executive-resigns-post-after-halting-flight-over-snack-service.html), the airline exec’s daughter said, “I seek forgiveness from those who were hurt by what I did”—but didn’t actually _name_ what she did. You have to tell the person you’ve wronged exactly what you’re sorry for to prove that you _truly_ understand your offense. **HEALTH.COM** [19 Natural Remedies for Anxiety](http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20669377,00.html?xid=time-apologize-122214) ### Fully acknowledge that you screwed up [Amy Pascal said her emails](http://insidemovies.ew.com/2014/12/11/scott-rudin-amy-pascal-apology-sony-leaked-emails/) were “not an accurate reflection of who I am.” Um, nope. If you said it (or wrote it in an email), you have to own it. No weasel-y “I was kidding” or “this was so unlike me” or “I never meant for you to find out.” Offer no excuses; step up and own what you did. Along the same lines, apologize for your actions, not how they “may have seemed” or “might have looked.”[Greenpeace International expressed regret](http://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-30422994) that “we came across as careless and crass.” No, they _were_careless and crass. ### Make it about them, not you Apologize in the way you think the other person would most prefer, whether that’s in person, in a phone call, or in an email—even if it’s awkward or inconvenient for you. Think about their needs and desires, not yours. **HEALTH.COM** [18 Habits of the Happiest Families](http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20847012,00.html?xid=time-apologize-122214) ### Make reparations however you can Pay for dry cleaning if you drunkenly tossed red wine all over your host, send flowers to your mom for calling her a meddling helicopter parent, or make a donation to your colleague’s favorite [charity](http://news.health.com/2014/12/02/giving-tuesday-health-benefits-of-generosity/) if she overheard you gossiping about her. And spell out what steps you’ll take to make certain that whatever you did will never happen again. One last thing: Don’t ask for [forgiveness](http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20386349,00.html). That’s the other person’s holiday gift to give. **HEALTH.COM** [10 Nervous Habits That Hurt Your Health](http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20782030,00.html?xid=time-apologize-122214) [_This article originally appeared on Health.com_](http://www.news.health.com/2014/12/18/how-to-apologize-the-right-way-in-4-steps/) Got Family? [Share the Knowledge: A Time for Family subscription gives the whole family their news the way they like best. 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