Starbucks’ New Chestnut Praline Latte Will Save Us From the Pumpkin Spice Latte

Ladies and gentleman, take heart, the Pumpkin Spice Latte’s reign of terror is coming to an end.

Your knight in shining armor is the Starbucks’ new-nationwide Chestnut Praline Latte, slated for release at Starbucks locations across the country this fall.

The impending national release of the Chestnut Praline Latte (from here on out referred to as ‘CPL’) is consequential because, as an overly sweet, holiday-themed liquid dessert disguised as a coffee drink, the CPL is poised to displace the Pumpkin Spice Latte in the hearts of bros, basics and whoever else drinks those things everywhere.

The Chestnut Praline Latte has the advantage of being named for two actual ingredients — criteria the Pumpkin “Spice” Latte cannot claim to meet.

Lest the import of this news not resonate with you, consider the hysteria that has gripped America as we have grappled with life in the age of Peak Pumpkin. Just days ago in Washington, D.C., I spotted a sign for pumpkin mussels. Granted, the chef had the courtesy not to advertise “pumpkin spice” mussels, but my PSL-weary brain filled in the phrase nonetheless.

Rest easy, America. Hope is on the horizon. The CPL drops nationwide Nov. 12, reports The Huffington Post.

In the meantime, here’s a picture of what the CPL is likely to resemble, presumably taken last year when the CPL was released in selected test markets.