TIME beauty

See Kelly Clarkson’s Perfect Response to Body-Shaming Tweets

Kelly Clarkson visits SiriusXM Studio in New York City on March 3, 2015.
Robin Marchant—Getty Images Kelly Clarkson visits SiriusXM Studio in New York City on March 3, 2015.

The singer is keeping a positive outlook

News flash: Kelly Clarkson doesn’t care what you think about her weight.

After the singer showed off a fuller figure during an appearance on Graham Norton Live last month, British personality Katie Hopkins Tweeted several negative comments about her size.

“What happened to Kelly Clarkson?” Hopkins wrote. “Did she eat all of her backing singers? Happily I have wide-screen.”

As the Twitterverse began to attack Hopkins, she took aim at Clarkson several more times.

“Look, chubsters,” she Tweeted a few days later. “Kelly Clarkson had a baby a year ago. That is no longer baby weight. That is carrot cake weight. Get over yourselves.”

But Clarkson remains unfazed by what Hopkins – or anyone else, for that matter – thinks about her size.

Asked by Heat magazine about the fat-shaming Tweets, Clarkson was initially puzzled.

“I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about,” she said. “Someone Tweeted something nasty about me?”

When the reporter explained who Hopkins is and what she had written, Clarkson laughed. “That’s because she doesn’t know me,” she said. “I’m awesome! It doesn’t bother me. It’s a free world. Say what you will.”

For the uninitiated, Hopkins rose to fame as a villainous contestant on The Apprentice UK, where she drew attention for her acerbic, insulting comments. An outspoken conservative, she parlayed her infamy into a career as a perennial reality contestant and political pundit. (Think Omarosa meets Ann Coulter.)

Despite the critical lashing, Clarkson is keeping a positive outlook.

“I’ve just never cared what people think,” she told Heat magazine. “It’s more if I’m happy and I’m confident and feeling good. That’s always been my thing. And more so now, since having a family – I don’t seek out any other acceptance.”

This article originally appeared on People.com.

TIME Body Image

This ‘Normal Barbie’ Ad Captures Society’s Insane Pressure to Have a Perfect Body

Even dolls with cellulite can have a good time at the beach

The Lammily doll — playfully dubbed the “Normal Barbie” — finally has an ad — and it’s absolutely incredible.

“I created a video in which ‘Normal Barbie’ encounters unrealistic beauty expectations, just like in the real world,” creator Nickolay Lamm tells TIME.

Specifically: Spring break in Miami. When the Lammily doll is invited on vacation with her friends, she is overcome with a wave of pop culture-fueled self consciousness. Is her normal body — which is modeled after an average 19-year-old woman’s measurements (based on CDC data) — “bikini ready?”

“The video parodies twerking, Victoria’s Secret, American Apparel, Facebook and more,” Lamm says.

In the end, however, “Normal Barbie” learns that even dolls with stretch marks (available for purchase in a Lammily extension pack) can have fun at the beach.

There is a growing movement toward a society that embraces healthier, more natural bodies. The Lammily doll is fighting that fight, one twerk at a time.

Read Next: Bye, Bye Barbie: 2015 Is the Year We Abandon Unrealistic Beauty Ideals

 

TIME career

10 Ways to Make Your Business Trip Feel Like a Vacation

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Before your trip, research the best local cuisine and invite colleagues to go with you

There are few things quite as relaxing as a hotel stay—overstuffed pillows and fresh sheets, swimming pools with lounge chairs and cabanas, bathrooms with a spa-like ambience. So if you’re stressing over an upcoming work trip, consider these tips for soaking in the luxurious hotel atmosphere and turning even the shortest business visit into a vacation.

1. Rise early and explore.

Even if your schedule is booked solid with meetings and dinners, chances are you have a couple free hours each morning. Instead of hitting snooze, hit the beach or city streets for a sunrise jog or walk. This is a great way to get some fresh air and “me” time before your workday begins. If you forget workout gear or want to save space in your suitcase, some hotels like Westin let guests rent fitness wear for really cheap—$5 at Westin gets you an entire outfit including shoes (with disposable insoles).

2. Indulge in dessert.

Buy some fancy chocolates or a piece of cake on your way home from a networking event or dinner (Suggestion: Pay for unnecessary treats on your own card rather than the company’s). Then lie in bed eating that dessert while watching a cheesy romantic comedy or your favorite TV show.

3. Try the local cuisine.

Have you ever tried a Philly cheesesteak? What about Chicago deep-dish pizza? Or Atlanta barbecue? Before your trip, research the best local cuisine and invite colleagues and/or clients to go with you. It’s a great way to enjoy a new culinary experience while getting some work done.

MORE Solo Travel Tips for Cowards

4. Splurge at the spa.

This, of course, is on your own dime and your free time. But when in Rome … why not get a massage or facial? Before an evening work event, you can book a blowout or makeup service to look extra-polished.

5. Take a bubble bath.

It’s the next best thing to a spa treatment, right? If you’re not grossed out by hotel bathtubs, draw yourself a warm bath after a long day’s work, put on some Sade, and let the stress melt away. Be sure to wear that comfy hotel robe afterward.

6. Book a tour bus.

If you have a few free hours between meetings or events, schedule a bus tour to maximize your sightseeing. (Again, don’t expense this one.) Or if you have a rental car, you and a coworker can scope out the major tourist hubs.

7. Lounge poolside.

If it’s summer, or you’re lucky enough to visit a warm climate on your business trip, find some time to sit by the pool. If you’re attending a conference, the itinerary will likely include a few breaks. Even slipping away for 10 minutes to sit among vacationers can boost your spirits—and warm your body after being in a windowless, freezing conference room. Bonus networking opportunity: Invite a fellow attendee to venture outside with you.

MORE Travel Advice From an Airline Status Junkie

8. Get some rest.

If you’re in a relationship or have kids, sleeping alone in a king-size bed is a rarity. So take advantage of your solo time and sprawl out in the giant bed. Go ahead—fall asleep at 9 p.m. No judgment here!

9. Grab a cocktail in the hotel bar.

Sipping a martini while listening to live jazz? Yes, please. Hotel bars are a great place to imagine you’re on vacation, especially when they’re on the rooftop and boast breathtaking city views. It’s also a great place to meet other business professionals. Cities like New York have no shortage of sky-high lounges, from Bar 54 at the Hyatt Times Square to The Press Lounge at Ink48 Hotel.

10. Consider extending your trip.

If you have ample vacation time and work allows it, consider extending your business trip for personal time. This is especially nice if you’re traveling internationally and want to maximize your experience in a faraway land. (Just know that business expenses end when your work does). If a friend or your significant other can meet you for the second leg of your journey, even better!

This article originally appeared on Levo.com.

TIME

Sheryl Sandberg Wants Men to Lean In, Too

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Emely—Getty Images/Cultura RF Young girl dangling from her fathers arm

The new #LeanInTogether initiative promotes equality at work and at home

The latest Lean In initiative isn’t about women at work — it’s about men.

In the spirit of #HeForShe, Sheryl Sandberg and her team launched Lean In Together, a new campaign designed to help men promote gender equality at home and at work. It involves a partnership with NBA and WNBA stars, and includes specific tips for how men can Lean In, too.

They’ve also produced a short video with Makers, about how famous women like Hillary Clinton and Ruth Bader Ginsburg were able to achieve partly because of support from the men in their lives. As Sandberg puts it, “being a parent’s not a full-time job for a woman and a part-time job for a man.”

Here are the #LeanInTogether tips for how men can Lean In at home:

1) Be a 50/50 partner, by equally sharing household duties.

2) Be an active father, even if you’re not perfect — kids with active dads have better self esteem.

3) Close the wage gap at home, by not valuing chores done by boys (like taking out the trash) more than chores done by girls.

4) Challenge gender stereotypes, by making sure your kids play with diverse toys and see diverse characters in books and movies

5) Help your daughter lead. Not calling her “bossy” is a start — also encourage her to be assertive in other ways, like introducing herself to people.

6) Don’t tell your son to “man up,” which can be just as damaging as calling a girl “bossy.”

There are also some tips for Leaning In at work in a way that supports your female colleagues — check them out here.

Read next: More Sex—and 7 Other Benefits for Men who Help Out at Home

 

TIME gender

Study Says Men Are More Narcissistic Than Women

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The study confirms just about every gender stereotype about male entitlement

Men on average are more self-absorbed than women are, according to a new study published in the March edition of Psychological Bulletin.

Researchers at the University at Buffalo School of Management analyzed data from more than 475,000 participants taken over the course of 31 years and found that men consistently scored higher in tests for narcissism, regardless of age.

The scientists studied gender differences in three features of narcissism: leadership and authority, exhibitionism and entitlement. They looked at how people responded to statements like, “If I ruled the world, it would be a much better place.” Researchers found a large gap between the genders in the categories of leadership and entitlement, suggesting that men are more likely than women to believe they deserve privileges and pursue opportunities. But men and women were equally as exhibitionist.

“Compared with women, men exhibit more assertiveness and desire for power,” lead author Emily Grijalva said on the University of Buffalo website. “But there was no difference in the exhibitionism aspect, meaning both genders are equally likely to display vanity or self-absorption.”

The researchers said that the narcissism gap between genders likely stems from ingrained societal gender stereotypes. Women who are taught they are not as worthy of leadership roles as men are less likely to believe they deserve them or are entitled to them.

“Individuals tend to observe and learn gender roles from a young age, and may face backlash for deviating from society’s expectations,” Grijalva says. “In particular, women often receive harsh criticism for being aggressive or authoritative, which creates pressure for women, more so than for men, to suppress displays of narcissistic behavior.”

Take TIME’s quiz to determine if you are a narcissist

TIME year of the man

More Sex—and 7 Other Benefits for Men who Help Out at Home

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8 reasons why it's good for men to embrace their inner feminist.

As Sheryl Sandberg likes to say, if a woman can’t find a partner, she should consider another woman—for the sake of equality, of course. Study after study shows that same-sex couples are more egalitarian, meaning they split chores, decisions and finances more evenly than the rest of us.

Us hetero gals aren’t so lucky, at least not yet. While the men in our lives may want to be all 50/50 when it comes to work and chores (and indeed, some of them are) it just doesn’t usually happen that way in practice. Gender roles run deep, and women still do the vast majority of the domestic work.

But if 2014 was the year of the female protagonist, then this will be the year of male feminist as icon. I’m not talking about men marching down Fifth Avenue (though I’d welcome it) but subtly adapting to the way things ought to be: New research shows there are more stay-at-home dads now than ever; and men of all walks are demanding more in the way of work-life balance, even if it means ridicule from their peers (or ignorant talk radio hosts).

Men are suiting up for more than just the rec football league—they’re suiting up in the kitchen. And if they’re cooking, it means they’re probably cleaning too, which would explain why proud fathers and sensitive betas are suddenly dominating the ad world, too. (Swiffer? A guy’s gotta mop the floor. Nissan SUV? It’s for shuttling kids to soccer practice, obviously.)

Now they’re entering the feminist Public Service Announcement circuit, which typically gets very active around this time of year. (It’s Women’s History Month, after all.) There is a new film, The Mask You Live In, that tackles our narrow definitions of masculinity. (It’s available for screenings in schools). There is a three-day conference—the first ever to take on “masculinities studies”— in New York City the first weekend in March. There is a campaign from the United Nations, He for She, to engage men on the topic of gender equality. You may remember the rousing opening speech to the campaign, from non-man but one of that gender’s favorite people, Emma Watson.

And now there is Lean In Together, a partnership between Sheryl Sandberg’s women’s nonprofit, LeanIn.org (where, in full disclosure, I am a contributing editor) and the NBA, to encourage men to support women at home and work. As Sandberg and business professor Adam Grant put it in a New York Times op-ed, the final in a four-part series on women and work, “equality is not a zero-sum game.” In other words: It’s good for men, too.

It’s easy to understand how women benefit from men doing their share both at home and at the office. When men chip in at home, women thrive at work (and feel less resentful and guilty). When men advocate for female colleagues in the office, women rise up. Yet beyond the obvious—that, uh, it’s the right thing to do—how do men benefit from the extra effort?

From raising healthier daughters to more sex at home, here are eight reasons why men supporting women is actually good for men.

1. Sex. You’ll Have More of It.
Call it the economics of choreplay: women are turned on by the idea of a man with his elbows up to suds. Sure, maybe they have a Mr Clean fetish, or maybe they’re just freaking exhausted, and not having to do the dishes for one night might put her in the mood. These days, women are the primary or co-breadwinners in two-thirds of American households, yet only 9% of dual-income marriages share childcare, housework and breadwinning evenly. Which means that when the first shift (work) is over, the second shift (home, dinner, laundry, dishes) begins. Which puts this next statistic into context: When couples share chores and breadwinning more equally, divorce rates go down. Men who share in dishwashing and diaper changing have happier wives, and more stable marriages.

When marriages are happy, couples, ahem, have more sex. So, the laundry: strip down and toss it in.

2. Your Daughters Will Have Higher Self-Esteem.
Engaged fatherhood is good for all kids: tots of more involved dads are better off cognitively, emotionally, socially and, ultimately, educationally and economically. But fathers have a particularly measurable impact on girls, whose self esteem develops —and then often falls—as early as middle school. Daughters with active fathers have more autonomy. They are more empowered. And if they watch their dad do chores, they’re actually more likely to aim higher. As Sandberg and Grant write, a study by a University of British Columbia psychologist found that when fathers shouldered an equal share of housework, their daughters were less likely to limit their aspirations to stereotypically female occupations (like nurse or teacher). “What mattered most was what fathers did, not what they said; no amount of saying ‘you can do anything’ is as compelling for a daughter as witnessing true partnership between her parents,” they write. For a girl to believe she has the same opportunities as boys, it makes a big difference to see Dad doing the dishes.”

3. You’ll Breed Feminist Sons.
And that will start the cycle over, as studies have found that boys who grow up in more equal homes are more likely to create equal homes as adults. As Sandberg and Grant point out, the flip is true too: sons reap rewards when their mothers have meaningful roles at work.

4. You’ll Be Happier.
This one’s for dads: Employed fathers who spend more time at home with their kids actually feel greater job satisfaction and less work-life conflict, according to a recent study. They’re also less likely to consider quitting their jobs.

5. You’ll Live Longer.
Caring for kids has been shown to make men more patient (ha!), empathetic and flexible, as well as lower their rates of substance abuse. Fatherhood has also been linked to lower blood pressure and lower rates of heart disease. But also: there’s longevity, even if you don’t have kids. Studies have found that there’s a longevity boost for men (and women) who provide care and emotional support to their partners.

6. You’ll Be More Successful At Work.
Know this, male bosses: diverse teams perform better. And when it comes to women specifically, here are a few attributes: they put in more effort, stay longer on the job, take fewer unnecessary risks, and collaborate more. (It’s no surprise, perhaps, that successful venture-backed start-ups have more than double the median proportion of female executives to failed ones.) But this isn’t just about women: companies that have family-friendly work environments are actually more productive, and higher employee retention.

7. Your Company Will be More Profitable.
Companies with more women in leadership perform better — full stop. Twenty-five percent of U.S. GDP growth since 1970 is attributed to women entering the paid workforce, and economists estimate that bringing more women into the workforce could raise GDP by 5%.

8. You’ll Get a Free Pass to the Revolution.
And free passes rock.
Jessica Bennett is a contributing columnist at Time.com covering the intersection of gender, sexuality, business and pop culture. She writes regularly for the New York Times and is a contributing editor on special projects for Sheryl Sandberg’s women’s nonprofit, Lean In. You can follow her @jess7bennett.

TIME Sexual Assault

The Hunting Ground Reignites the Debate Over Campus Rape

Filmmakers criticize campuses, fraternities, Republicans and Democrats for not keeping students safe

The debate over how to prevent and investigate sexual assault on campuses has been waged for over a year now with lawmakers like Senator Gillibrand calling sexual assault on campus an “epidemic,” and the White House threatening colleges and universities with sanctions for not following reporting and adjudication guidelines. More than 100 colleges are now under investigation for possibly violating federal laws that aim to keep students safe. But just as campuses have entered a new semester, and the protests seemed to be dying down, a provocative new documentary called The Hunting Ground is pouring gasoline on the debate.

The film, which premiered at the Sundance Film Festival in January, hit theaters in New York and Los Angeles last weekend and will go on a tour of college campuses as it is rolled out across the country. It’s already causing controversy, with advocates saying it sheds a much-needed light on the way colleges cover up rape on campus and critics accusing the filmmakers of fear mongering and advocating for a radical adjudication procedure that ignores due process for the accused. Bringing the story to campuses where students are carrying mattresses to protest what they say is administrations’ indifference to victims of assault is sure to incite a whole new round of anxiety over the issue.

The Hunting Ground filmmakers spare no one in their crusade to stop assault on college campuses. In an interview with TIME, they critiqued the fraternity system, university officials who protect athletes accused of attacking women, politicians advocating for arming women on campus and even the White House for what they believe to be an insufficient campaign to keep students safe.

Back in 2012, the issue of campus safety not yet hit the covers of magazines like TIME, and it certainly wasn’t on the radar of filmmakers Kirby Dick and Amy Ziering who were then traveling across the country to screen their Emmy-award winning documentary on sexual assault in the U.S. military, Invisible War, a film that former Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta credits with inspiring him to take action on the issue which resulted in changes in the way that assaults are prosecuted in the military.

But as they toured campuses, they kept hearing the same message: “This happened to me, too. What’s happening in the military is happening at my school.” And it was clear to the filmmakers that, like in the military, schools were not doing enough to help these women. Only 41% of all universities initiated an investigation into sexual assault claims in the last five years, according to a Senate survey.

“We felt we’d received this call we had to respond to,” says Ziering. What result is a searing portrayal of a university system that the filmmakers say failed to create a safe environment for students and hid cases of sexual assault brought to their attention. By presenting dozens of first-hand accounts—they interviewed more than 100 survivors—Dick and Ziering hoped to personalize the conversation around campus rape in the same way that they did the debate about assault in the military.

A Premeditated Crime

They say their mission began with disproving the perception that campus rapes are just drunken hookups that one party regrets the next morning. “In so many of these situations, there was a predator at work. These survivor was picked out, plied with alcohol and set up to be assaulted,” says Dick. “And then the school’s response was often unsupportive of the survivor. First, victim blaming, and then the investigation that followed was either inadequate or didn’t happen at all.”

To make their case, Dick and Ziering tracked down someone rarely heard from in this debate: a convicted rapist. The man, whose face is blurred out, describes the ease with which he and fellow college students would deploy alcohol as a weapon to incapacitate girls and assault them.

“We felt it was important to include the mindset of a rapist who describes the ways in which these crimes are premeditated and highly calculated by serial predators,” says Ziering. Research indicates that only a small percentage of men commit these crimes, but that assailants attack an average of six victims.

The stories Dick and Ziering heard often shared the same setting—fraternities. Of the thousands of insurance claims that are made against fraternities each year, those for sexual assault are the second most common. The issue is so dire that some schools, like Dartmouth College and University of Virginia, have gone as far as to ban alcohol (or at least kegs and hard alcohol) at frats.

The filmmakers, while acknowledging that fraternities can be a productive part of campus life, accuse national chapters and colleges of condoning a culture often taken advantage of by predators. “The problem is that when you go on campus and you start asking where are the problem houses, where the sexual assaults happen, within a half an hour, you get that answer from a student,” says Kirby. Several interviewees in the film highlight one fraternity in particular— Sigma Alpha Epsilon, which they say is known on many campuses as “Sexual Assault Expected.”

“If the students know, the administration must have known for a long, long time,” adds Kirby. “Why aren’t they warning students? Or parents?” In the film, one school does send a letter to incoming freshmen warning them about a frat that has been sanctioned for assaults committed by its members. After backlash from the fraternity brothers’ parents, the school stops sending out warnings.

TIME reached out to Sigma Alpha Epsilon’s national chapter for a response to these claims. They wrote: “We believe anyone who commits sexual assault or other illegal acts should be held accountable and face punishment that is appropriate for those actions…Moreover, sexual assault is an issue related to all college students not specifically to fraternity men.” Brandon Weghorst, Director of Communications, also pointed out that SAE offers education and training on how to stop sexual assault.

MORE The Problem With Frats Isn’t Just Rape. It’s Power

The Athlete Bubble

The filmmakers also highlight similar issues with college athletics. The documentary follows the campus adjudication process for a handful of women, including Erica Kinsman, a former Florida State University student who claims that Jameis Winston, the likely no. 1 pick in the next NFL draft, raped her. Winston was never charged by the police and was cleared of violating the school’s code of conduct in December. Kinsman claims that FSU protected Winston while she had to endure the death threats from FSU football fans throughout the state. She has since sued the school and switched colleges.

A similar claim is made in the film by a campus investigator at Notre Dame, who says that administrators told him he could not reach out to athletes or coaches to locate a football player accused of sexually assaulting another student. The film notes that presidents and provosts at FSU, Notre Dame, and several other schools in the documentary declined to be interviewed for the film.

MORE Some Rules About Consent Are Unfair to Male Students

Botched Investigations

The filmmakers assert that some university administrators have been reluctant to bring the assault numbers to light because doing so could damage the reputation of the school. It’s an accusation echoed by some lawmakers: “The current lax oversight has the perverse effect of incentivizing colleges to encourage non-reporting, under-reporting and non-compliance with the already weak standards under current federal law,” Senator Gillibrand wrote in TIME.

Many schools fire back that giving the benefit of the doubt to the victim would undermine due process and lead to wrongful expulsions in cases where there’s little evidence. And while going to the police is an option, starting a criminal investigation, advocates argue, can be a lengthy process that can leave the victim to face-to-face with their accused attacker in dorms or classrooms for years, so schools need to get involved.

MORE Why Victims of Rape in College Don’t Report to the Police

The Safety Debate in DC

Recently, some conservatives have suggested that ending the ban on weapons on campus and allowing women to have guns on campus would make them safer. “The obvious solution to make an unsafe environment safer is to give students a fighting chance to fend off attackers. That means allowing them to be armed,” writes commentator S.E. Cupp for CNN.com.

But some victim advocates say that adding guns to the mix could be disastrous. “That suggestion shows a blatant ignorance of the issue,”says Ziering. “More often than not, victims are incapacitated in a way where a gun would make absolutely no difference. If anything, the guns would help the assailants and not the people being assaulted.”

But the Hunting Ground filmmakers say liberals aren’t sufficiently addressing the issue either. Last fall, the White House launched an “It’s On Us” campaign that encourages bystander intervention—students stepping into bad situations to help potential victims. It’s a clever idea: Research shows that a campaign against sexual assault isn’t going to stop rapists, but it can affect how bystanders address such situations. Nonetheless, Clark says the White House should be concentrating its efforts on earlier education.

“If you have to have a bystander intervene in a situation at a college party, we’ve already messed up,” she says. “We have to have this conversation much earlier, in elementary school or secondary school so that it never escalates to this point.”

Ziering adds that by concentrating on students’ responsibility, the campaign doesn’t deploy the proper pressure on administrators. “It’s not just on us. It’s on the administration,” she says.

After her experience, Ziering says if she could ask one thing of the White House, it would be to mandate independent investigators on campus and create a watchdog group that makes sure those investigators maintain their independence.

“We saw this with the military as well: we can’t have foxes guarding the henhouse,” she says. “Any time there is a conflict of interest in our criminal justice system, even on campuses, we won’t get the best outcome.”

Read next: The Debate: How Should College Campuses Handle Sexual Assault

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TIME Parenting

8 Simple Ways to Avoid Raising Spoiled Kids

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First up, get rid of that piggy bank.

No one intends to raise spoiled brats, but it’s sometimes hard to see the consequences of your actions several years down the road.

Ron Lieber, personal finance columnist for The New York Times, offers his advice on the subject in his new book The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous and Smart about Money.

Here are his eight most practical tips:

Hand out on a regular allowance.

Commit to doling out the funds once a month or once a week, and offer raises on birthdays.

But there’s a catch: Allowance money shouldn’t be given to children as a reward for chores completed.

“If they do (their chores) poorly, there are plenty of valuable privileges we can take away, aside from withholding money. So allowance ought to stand on its own, not as a wage but as a teaching tool that gets sharper and more potent over a decade or so of annual raises and increasing responsibility,” says Lieber.

Instead, let allowance work as “practice money,” and let children learn about finances by controlling their own allowance.

Keep their money where they can see it

The cover of Lieber’s book shows three mason jars labeled spend, save and give. This is his preferred method for helping children track their finances.

“I hate piggy banks, and the problem begins with the metaphor itself. Pigs are dirty, and they eat a lot, so piggish behavior isn’t something to aspire to,” writes Lieber. “Meanwhile, ceramic or metal containers are problematic, since we want kids to be able to see what’s inside and watch it grow.”

Let them spend

Allow for a little bit of impulse, but also teach your children the difference between wants and needs. Show them where to draw the line between high quality and high dollar.

“My wife and I are still debating exactly where we’ll put the line,” Lieber writes. “I’m making the case for a broad-based ‘Land’s End Line.’ If we adopt it, that means we’d pay whatever Land’s End (my definition of a suitably mid-priced merchant that sells quality clothing) would charge for any clothing needs, even if an item comes from some other designer or shop. Anything with a price to the right of the Land’s End Line would be a want.”

Help them save, but only to a point

Money in the savings jar should be collected with a goal and timeline in mind, Lieber writes.

For younger children, the concept of time and goals are already fuzzy enough, so keep it short and specific.

For teenagers, their savings goals might be a bit loftier – it might be earmarked for a first car or senior class trip – and they might outgrow the jar system. Help them establish a savings account and transfer their allowance there automatically.

Use an app

Use Allowance Manager to make automatic weekly payments to your children’s accounts. They can spend their money with prepaid Allowance Cards and track their purchases with mobile and desktop apps.

Lieber also recommends FamZoo, another family banking app that also offers prepaid cards and money tracking functions. It also has an IOU feature that lets parents owe money to children and vice versa.

Show them how you use your money

Accordine to Lieber, a remarkable “64% of kids said they had no idea what their parents were giving, if anything,” so he suggests parents make an example of their charity while also giving kids a chance to get involved.

Let children help decide where mom and dad should donate money and time and teach them how to vet the worthiness of charities asking for money by evaluating if they provide essential services or goods to those in need.

Throw around less cash but more imagination

Lieber pokes at the problem with elaborate birthday parties and bar mitzvahs (for example, this stage show in honor of one Texan youngster) and Tooth Fairy inflation. It can all lead to materialism. But he offers some advice: Do things more modestly, but make them more special.

The Tooth Fairy can (and should!) visit to stay in line with lore, but Lieber encourages parents to put their own twist on the tale. Maybe your Tooth Fairy leaves glitter on the windowsill or gets caught on camera.

Birthdays are still cause for celebration, but in lieu of expensive gifts, Lieber suggests requesting party guests’ parents spend about half what they normally would and donate the other half to charity. This also eliminates the envy-inducing gift opening ceremony.

Finally, let grandparents break all the above rules

Accept that grandparents are the X factor. They’re bound to come through with the North Face jacket your teen is dreaming of while you’re striving to tow the Land’s End Line.

“We’ve found that grandparents will gleefully disrupt this attempt at standard setting with spontaneous bursts of generosity,” write Lieber. “Still, as long as it doesn’t happen too often, the continuum will hold if we parents apply it consistently.”

Want more tips like these? Sign up here for our weekly email TIME for Parents. It’s free!

TIME feminism

Sheryl Sandberg Enlists NBA Stars to Help Men Fight for Women’s Rights

"Gender equality doesn't just benefit women, it benefits men in lots of ways"

SAN FRANCISCO — Facebook executive Sheryl Sandberg has enlisted NBA stars LeBron James, Stephen Curry and some of the basketball league’s other top players to convince more men to join the fight for women’s rights at home and at work.

The players will deliver the message in public service announcements aired during NBA games on major TV networks over the next few months.

Sandberg is hoping to persuade men that they will be better off financially and emotionally if they take more responsibility for housework and child care, while also backing equal rights for women at work.

“Gender equality doesn’t just benefit women, it benefits men in lots of ways,” Sandberg said in an interview with The Associated Press. Among other things, she believes most women are likely to have sex with their husbands or partners more frequently when they get more help at home — a phenomenon she has branded as “choreplay.”

The clips featuring the basketball stars are part of a partnership to be announced Thursday between the NBA and LeanIn.org, a nonprofit group Sandberg started two years ago with the publication of a best-selling book advising women on the steps they should take to ensure they get the same opportunities as men traditionally have.

The book, “Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead,” also urged men to do more to support the women and girls in their lives.

Sandberg, Facebook’s second-highest ranking executive behind CEO Mark Zuckerberg, is counting on the NBA’s appeal to connect with millions of sports-loving men who haven’t read her book.

LeanIn.org is providing men with tips on how to help in brochures that will be available online as part of the campaign with the NBA.

Facebook is among a long list of major Silicon Valley companies with a dearth of women in engineering and other technical positions, where the best-paying jobs are found. Women hold just 15 to 20 percent of the technology jobs at Google, Apple, Facebook and Yahoo, according to company disclosures made during the past nine months.

“Certainly technology has an uphill battle to fight, but no industry has gotten to where it should be,” Sandberg said. “The only way anything really changes in society is when we have everyone in society pulling together.”

Several technology companies, including Facebook Inc., Google Inc., Yahoo Inc. and Microsoft Corp., are backing a campaign that will be punctuated with (hashtag) LeanInTogether. As part of its participation, Google will be promoting the cause Thursday on the main page of its heavily trafficked search engine.

The National Basketball Association has been running a separate league for women for nearly 20 years. Several WNBA players, including All-Stars Sue Bird and Skylar Diggins, appear in the public service announcement that also features the Golden State Warriors’ Curry and the Cleveland Cavaliers’ James, the players who got the most votes in the fan balloting for last month’s NBA All-Star game.

The union representing the NBA players also elected a woman, Michele Roberts, as its executive director last year. Meanwhile, the San Antonio Spurs hired woman, former WNBA star Becky Hammon, as an assistant coach at the start of this season.

“The NBA is committed to creating a work environment that expects — and benefits from — gender equality,” NBA Commissioner Adam Silver said.

TIME career

3 Things That Change When You Have a Direct Report

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Your tasks are no longer the only thing you’re measured on

When you start out in the working world, you’re just concerned about doing your job. You’re probably at the lower end of the totem pole, just trying to complete all of the tasks that come your way to the best of your ability.

At least, that’s how I was. Until I had a direct report.

1. You second guess a lot of the things you say in one-on-one meetings.

I never realized how much I hung onto every word of good and bad feedback my boss gave me during our one-on-one meetings until I had to host my own one-on-one’s. Sometimes I feel like I provide good feedback, but there are also meetings where I feel like my thoughts were running away from me, and I wasn’t being clear. Do your best to prep for these meetings like you would for a meeting with your own manager. Try to have a few talking points or specific questions you’d like to ask.

2. You and your direct report are partly dependent on each other to progress.

One of the strangest things about having a direct report is that in some ways, you’re now responsible for her future. Sure, her work has to shine and improve, but you have to give her the guidance to make her into that future person. You have to tell her what to work on and where to grow. Most importantly, you become a sponsor for her when it comes to promotion time. Not only do you have to speak to your strengths, but now you have to speak to someone else’s.

As part of this, your ability to manage others also goes into your performance review. Your work is no longer the only thing you’re measured on.

3. Your job is no longer just about the work you produce.

Having a direct report means that your job is no longer just the tasks you have to get done on a daily basis. You can’t just go through your to-do list, but you have to be available if someone else has questions, just like your manager is to you. I’ve had some excellent bosses, and one of the things I love most is their ability to be available and present when I have questions. Most bosses are good at being available, but great bosses can really stop what they’re doing to help talk you through your issues.

This article originally appeared on Levo.com.

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