TIME celebrities

Eva Mendes Takes a Stand Against the Tyranny of Sweatpants

Eva Mendes during the 2015 SXSW Music, Film + Interactive Festival on March 14, 2015 in Austin, Texas.
Michael Loccisano—2015 Getty Images Eva Mendes during the 2015 SXSW Music, Film + Interactive Festival on March 14, 2015 in Austin, Texas.

“Ladies, number one cause of divorce in America, sweatpants, no!”

You know how every celebrity divorce is attributed to “irreconcilable differences” and you’re always like: What does that mean? Hollywood insider Eva Mendes is spilling the truth about the root cause of that phrase, and it is: sweatpants.

“No!” you cry, clutching your ratty Sorority Fun Run and Pancake Breakfast ’05 pair to your chest! “You can take my freedom but you can’t take my sweats!” But Mendes is here to deliver the cold, hard truth about your warm, soft pants.

“You can’t do sweatpants,” she said on Extra while promoting her makeup line, Circa. “Ladies, number one cause of divorce in America, sweatpants, no!”

This leaves the question of what she wears to lounge around the house when home with boyfriend Ryan Gosling. Caftans? Teddies? Nothing? What happens if he sees her after a workout? The only reason we ask is because we are looking to lock down a Gosling doppelgänger and will do whatever it takes.

This article originally appeared on People.com.

MONEY Love and Money

11 Financial Clues That Your Spouse Wants a Divorce

torn dollar bill
Getty Images

Certain changes in financial behavior and conversations about money are sure-fire signs that your spouse is preparing to split up.

Over 25 years, I’ve worked on the financial aspects of more than 1,300 cases of divorce. Rarely are both spouses in sync when it comes to filing; one spouse is usually laying the groundwork before the other.

In hindsight, most people on the receiving end of the filing have their “aha!” moment. One homemaker told me that her husband began plying her with gifts and vacations; he also launched all kinds of projects to fix up their house so they could sell it and move to a smaller place. It was all totally unsolicited, much appreciated, and done with loving attention.

Six months into all this thoughtful behavior — as the the couple closed on their new vacation timeshare, downsized to a beautiful condo, and planned for their next vacation — he popped the zinger one Saturday morning: “I want a divorce.”

For another client, the signs were a little more obvious: The bank called her husband to let him know that his mortgage was approved — the mortgage he was co-signing with his girlfriend.

Divorce is an emotional, legal, and financial combat zone. There are actually websites devoted to secretly planning for divorce, in order to “win” the best one possible. Divorces can have win-lose, win-win, or lose-lose outcomes. Preparation helps your case. And the earlier you recognize that divorce is imminent, the better you’ll be able to prepare.

Over the years, I have come up with a list of sure-fire financial indicators that your spouse is heading toward divorce. Changes in behavior about money — some subtle, some not — can be tell-tale signs of a split in the offing.

Most of the time, changes in financial behavior accompany classic non-money signs of marital trouble: lack of communication, stress, physical separation, arguments, and isolation. But it helps to be on the lookout for financial signs on their own. And here’s a good list:

Your spouse…

  1. Argues about money.
  2. Seems to be hiding money.
  3. Has no explanation for why money is missing.
  4. Has stopped direct deposits to your joint bank account.
  5. Puts you on a budget and demands an accounting of all of your spending.
  6. Makes large cash withdrawals.
  7. Pays for his/her own credit card bills — or better yet, has his/her mail sent to the office.
  8. Goes on more business trips than usual and has greater travel and entertainment expenses.
  9. Blindsides you with gifts and trips.
  10. Reduces contributions to savings or retirement. Excess cash is now spent or socked away somewhere else.
  11. Takes out loans because it is a “smart” financial decision during times of low interest rates.

Along with these changed behaviors, there’s a whole other set of red flags to look out for: a noticeable turn for the worse in how your spouse talks about his or her earnings, workplace achievements, or business prospects. He or she starts complaining a lot about money — how business is bad, how jobs are at risk, how this year’s bonus is in doubt.

If your spouse is suddenly and remarkably gloomy about his or her ability to make money, this might be premeditated strategy to lower your financial expectations in a divorce. Attorneys even have a name for it: RAIDS, for “recently acquired income deficiency syndrome.”

On the bright side, if you are familiar with your spouse’s business, customers, and performance reviews, it will be hard for your spouse to paint a credible picture of unexpected gloom. So keep your eyes set on financial reality and do your homework if your spouse complains in detail about the following:

  1. His/her earnings potential is at its peak and is at risk.
  2. Bonuses are reduced or nonexistent.
  3. Company layoffs are imminent or overdue.
  4. The employer has declining revenues and sales.
  5. Clients are deserting the company.
  6. His/her sales territory has been cut despite solid job performance.
  7. It’s the economy, stupid!
  8. His/her age is a negative factor in the business, and he/she is at risk of being fired for being too old.
  9. Our family spending is rampant and unsustainable with probable loss of income or job.

If you start hearing these complaints, it’s time to organize your financial wits and get a handle on your financial lifestyle. If you’re surprised to have a spouse who seems to be premeditating divorce, empower yourself and hire a divorce financial planner. A divorce financial planner will cut through your emotional tangles to track your financial issues and provide a foundation for you to advocate your needs, when and if you should hire an attorney.

———-

Vasileff received the Association of Divorce Financial Planners’ 2013 Pioneering Award for her public advocacy and outstanding leadership in the field of divorce financial planning. Vasileff is president emeritus of the ADFP and is a member of NAPFA, FPA, and IACP. She is president and founder of Divorce and Money Matters, serving clients nationwide from Greenwich, Conn. Her website is http://www.divorcematters.com.

 

TIME faith

Presbyterian Church Votes to Recognize Same-Sex Marriage

The church redefines marriage to include "a commitment between two people"

Correction appended, March 18

The Presbyterian Church (USA) made a historic decision Tuesday night to formally recognize gay marriage and allow same-sex couples to marry in its congregations.

The largest Presbyterian denomination in the U.S. voted to redefine the church constitution on marriage to include “a commitment between two people, traditionally a man and a woman,” the New York Times reports.

The vote, which was approved by a majority of the church’s 171 regional bodies (or presbyteries), cements a recommendation made last year by its General Assembly. As of Tuesday night, the vote stood at 87 presbyteries in favor to 41 against with one tied.

“Finally, the church in its constitutional documents fully recognizes that the love of gays and lesbian couples is worth celebrating in the faith community,” Rev. Brian D. Ellison, executive director of the Covenant Network of Presbyterians, which advocates for the inclusion of gay people in the church, told the Times.

There is a provision that states no clergy would be compelled to preside over a same-sex marriage.

The denomination has some 1.8 million members and about 10,000 congregations.

[NYT]

Correction: The original version of this story incorrectly described the Presbyterian Church (USA). It is the largest Presbyterian denomination in the U.S.

TIME Marriage

Indian Bride Ditches Groom After He Flubs Math Test at Their Wedding

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Getty Images

He failed to add 15+6, and she wasn't having it

Here’s an easy math problem: two lovebirds, minus one bride, is one lonely groom. That’s what happened after an Indian bride ditched her soon-to-be groom at their wedding ceremony for failing to answer a simple arithmetic problem.

At her wedding ceremony in the northern Indian state of Uttar Pradesh Wednesday, the bride posed the following math problem to the man she was due to wed: 15 + 6 = ?

The groom answered 17, and the bride fled. The groom’s family tried to get her back, but she refused to marry someone who couldn’t add.

“The groom’s family kept us in the dark about his poor education,” Mohar Singh, the bride’s father, told the Associated Press. “Even a first grader can answer this.” The two families returned all the gifts that had been exchanged before the wedding, and the bride is presumably now looking for someone who knows all their multiplication tables.

According to Indian tradition, most marriages are arranged by the families of the bride and groom, and the pair rarely get to actually meet before the wedding. So the fact that the bride and groom had just met wasn’t that unusual — but the math quiz certainly was.

[AP]

TIME Marriage

This Is How Much an Average Wedding Now Costs in America

It's higher than ever before

The price of weddings has jumped to a new all-time high, reaching an average $31,213 in 2014, new research says.

Surveying around 16,000 American couples, the Knot 2014 Real Weddings Study also found that 45% of weddings exceed a couple’s budgets and, more worryingly, 23% lack a budget altogether. Most brides spent an average of $1,357 alone on their wedding dress.

At the same time, guest lists are shrinking even as costs rise. “The average wedding now has 136 guests, down from 149 in 2009,” says the Knot’s Rebecca Dolgin.

The cheapest place to tie the knot was Utah, where couples spent only $15,000 on the big day in 2014. The most expensive place for nuptials was Manhattan at $76,328.

Read next: Watch This Guy Propose to His Girlfriend 365 Times Without Her Knowing

Listen to the most important stories of the day.

TIME celebrities

Lena Dunham Won’t Marry Boyfriend Until Gay Marriage Legal Across U.S.

"The idea of having a celebration that can't be fully shared among all the people in my life and all the people that we love just doesn't really feel like a celebration at all"

Lena Dunham and Jack Antonoff have been dating for three years, but don’t expect them to get married anytime soon.

The actress and producer, 28, revealed to Ellen DeGeneres that she doesn’t intend to wed until gay marriage is legal in all 50 states.

“Well, it’s something that … the idea of having a celebration that can’t be fully shared among all the people in my life and all the people that we love just doesn’t really feel like a celebration at all,” Dunham shared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Monday.

“So, until that’s something that everyone can join into with no sense of being left out on any level, politically, emotionally, it’s just not something that we’re gonna do,” she said.

Earlier this year, Dunham and Antonoff were dogged by engagement rumors when she stepped out wearing a ring on her engagement finger. However, it was just a friendship ring she shared with her friend and co-executive producer on Girls, Jenni Konner.

This article originally appeared on People.com.

TIME relationships

Utah Woman Seeks World Record for Most Wedding Bouquet Catches

The irony, of course, is that Jamie Jackson is still single

If wedding bouquet-catching were an Olympic sport, a special spot would be reserved for Jamie Jackson at the top of the podium.

The 37-year-old Salt Lake City, Utah, woman has been to more than 80 weddings, catching the bridal bouquet a record 46 times, edging out other single women in the room like a defensive back intercepting a touchdown pass.

The irony, of course, is that Jackson is still single.

“I’ve pretty much crushed that ‘next-to-be-married’ myth,” she tells PEOPLE. “I’ve had boyfriends, sure. But I’m liking the single life. Besides, if I were married, I’d have to give up my favorite sport.”

Read the rest of the article at People.com

TIME Love

See Photos of Love and Courtship in 1950s Japan

As Western influence took hold in Japan, dating and mating were no exception—and LIFE captured the country during a moment of change

Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy and girl get married, buy a house and have (on average) 2.2 children. This may have been a common story for heterosexual couples in America in the 1950s, but when LIFE dispatched John Dominis to capture love and marriage in post-war Japan, he found a landscape undergoing a significant transformation.

Before the war, most marriages in Japan were arranged by the bride’s and groom’s parents. Men and women rarely spent much time together prior to the wedding, let alone took part in anything that might qualify as “dating.” But during the Allied occupation of Japan—from the end of World War II until 1952—the ubiquity of the American soldier’s courtship rituals jump-started the Westernization of love and marriage in Japan.

Whether accompanied by their visiting wives, Japanese girlfriends or prostitutes known as “pan pan girls,” American soldiers modeled the behavior they knew from home: public displays of affection and leisure time spent with women at cafés, parks or the movies. And inside those movie theaters, American movies offered even more examples of Western mating rituals to a Japanese public at once hesitant and intrigued by the bold behaviors of their American counterparts.

In his photographs—which never ran in LIFE—Dominis captured a moment when the new had caught on, but the old had not yet been forgotten. The young couples he photographed in 1959 were living on the edge of modernity, but still holding onto many of the the traditions long followed by their culture.

Notes written by Dominis and someone who appears to be an assistant that accompanied the dozens of rolls of film he shot provide insight into the song and dance (sometimes literal) in which the young lovers engaged. Some met by chance, others in settings tailor-made for matchmaking.

One of these settings was the “Shibui” dance, run by a man of the same name. For $2.50, young men and women could attend a night of dinner and dancing with the express purpose of introducing eligible bachelors to single young women. Upon arrival, new members bowed to one another and offered the greeting “yoroshiku,” described as “a very loose greeting which is used to fit any situation and in this case meaning ‘I hope I can find a mate among you.’” During dinner, partygoers were expected to “learn proper manner of eating western food.” If a young man found a young woman intriguing, he was not allowed to leave with her. Instead, he would tell Mr. Shibui, who would then arrange a date if the feelings were mutual.

One young couple, Akiksuke Tsutsui and Chiyoko Inami, met when Chiyoko, who worked at a bank in the same building as Akiksuke’s father’s clothing shop, began frequenting the shop during breaks. When Akiksuke brought Chiyoko to meet his family—after several outings to the beach, cafés, beer halls and department stores—his siblings welcomed her in ways that reflected the changing times. His younger brother showed off his Western knowledge by demonstrating how to swing a baseball bat and singing a rockabilly song. His sisters, meanwhile, sang Chiyoko Japanese folk songs.

Before meeting Akiksuke, Chiyoko had had five meetings with potential husbands, all arranged by her family. During these meetings, the young man and woman walked past each other in a Japanese garden, catching a quick glimpse of their potential mate, and delivering a decision to a go-between. Chiyoko had declined them all.

Dominis also photographed Takahide Inayama and Mitsuyo Ogama, two university students in their early 20s. The pair met six months prior, at Takahide’s house, when a friend of his brother’s brought her to a party there. Takahide and Mitsuyo, in a better financial position than some of the others, led Dominis to make an observation about class and marriage. “Most couples in Tokyo just can’t afford to get married until the guy is around 30 unless they both work or he has an exceptional job, or there is money in the family,” he wrote. “These kids go out with other couples and act more or less like you would expect western young lovers to act.”

While the photographs capture the increasing normalization of modern Western customs in Japan, they also exhibit the excitement and tenderness of being allowed to choose—a privilege which, of course, includes the right to opt out. “Two of the couples have since broken up,” reads a note from the files, “and are being shy about letting us know whether they have taken up with new friends.”

AnRong Xu, who edited this gallery, is a contributor to LightBox. Follow him on Instagram @Anrizzy.

TIME relationships

This Man Has Written a Love Letter to His Wife Every Day for the Last 40 Years

Fellas, the bar has now been set ridiculously high

This Saturday, like every Valentine’s Day, lovers young and old will try to find the perfect gift, word or gesture that will show their significant other the extent of their adoration. But one man in New Jersey has been doing that for his wife every day for the last 40 years — with more than 10,000 love letters.

Bill Bresnan, 74, describes the letters to his wife Kirsten, which are stored in 25 boxes in their attic, as a “love diary,” chronicling their journey together since they first met. “For example, I could pick out a day in 1982, and it’ll begin with the restaurant we ate in or a movie we saw and then a reaction to that,” he told ABC News.

The couple have been through a lot together, including when both of them were diagnosed with cancer within the space of a few years, but Bresnan has never missed an opportunity to write of his love for his wife.

And when every day is Valentine’s Day, it’s no surprise that the couple doesn’t have any big plans on Feb. 14.

“We’ll probably have a nice dinner, a special bottle of wine and a piece of chocolate,” Bresnan said. “We’re past the craving for jewelry and expensive nonsense. We just enjoy simply being together.”

[ABC News]

TIME Know Right Now

Know Right Now: Gay Marriages Go Ahead in Alabama

Despite a judge's order in defiance of federal ruling to allow gay marriage in the state.

Marriages between same-sex couples in Alabama began on Monday, despite an order by Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy S. Moore not to issue marriage licenses, in defiance of a federal judge’s ruling.

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