TIME Parenting

Jennifer Aniston: People Call Me ‘Selfish’ For Not Being a Mom

"Life Of Crime" Premiere - Arrivals - 2013 Toronto International Film Festival
Actress Jennifer Aniston attends the premiere for "Life Of Crime" at Roy Thomson Hall on September 14, 2013 in Toronto, Canada. ( J. Countess--WireImage) J. Countess—WireImage

And correctly defines "feminism"

Even after years of the prying questions and condescending sympathy, it still bothers Jennifer Aniston when people ask her why she’s not a mom.

“I don’t like [the pressure] that people put on me, on women—that you’ve failed yourself as a female because you haven’t procreated,” she told Allure for their January issue. “I don’t think it’s fair. You may not have a child come out of your vagina, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t mothering—dogs, friends, friends’ children.”

The actress, who has gotten critical praise for her role in the upcoming film Cake, explained that she finds the incessant commentary about her maternal status hurtful. “This continually is said about me: that I was so career-driven and focused on myself; that I don’t want to be a mother, and how selfish that is…Even saying it gets me a little tight in my throat.”

Aniston also seemed well-prepared to answer the now-omnipresent questions about feminism–and why it’s such a complicated issue. “Because people overcomplicate it,” she said. “It’s simply believing in equality between men and women. Pretty basic.”

[Allure]

TIME Marriage

Dutchman’s Romantic Proposal Almost Destroys Nearby Building

Crane topples on to house during dramatic proposal
A crane fell on to the roof of a house in IJsselstein, Netherlands, on Dec. 13, 2014. The incident ocurred when a man tried to surprise his girlfriend by proposing from the top of the crane, which then toppled on to the house, though no injuries were reported. Michiel Van Beers—EPA

Talk about a hopeless romantic

Let this be a cautionary tale to all you lovers with Hollywood-fueled ideas about marriage proposals. A little glitz is fine but don’t go too big—or too heavy, as the case may be.

A man in the Dutch town of IJsselstein was hoping to surprise his girlfriend with an elaborate marriage proposal Saturday morning, the BBC reports, when surprise her he did—by smashing the roof of a neighbor’s house with the unanchored crane he had secured for the occasion.

The man, whose name has not been released, intended to descend in front of her bedroom window and sing her a song before proposing. Instead the crane crashed through a nearby ceiling and caused the evacuation of other nearby homes.

No one was hurt in the incident, not even the budding couple—Dutch media reports the woman said yes to the proposal, and the lovers are now vacationing in Paris.

[BBC]

TIME relationships

Article on How Wives Can Keep Husbands Happy Is Going Viral

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Marriage is work Manuel Orero Galan—Getty Images/Moment RF

Tips from Familyshare.com on saving your marriage have racked up millions of page views and shares

An article entitled “5 Ways You Are Unknowingly Destroying Your Husband and Killing Your Marriage,” published on FamilyShare.com is going viral, with almost five million views so far.

Here are the five ways women can fail their husbands, according to author Katelyn Carmen:

1) Having expensive taste: Carmen says “Wives, show sincere appreciation and respect to your husband by carefully following a budget and making the most of what you have.”

2) Being grumpy: “As soon as your husband walks through the door, you launch into action and dump every negative and angry thought that’s crossed your mind throughout the day… Negativity is draining. Men like to fix things, and constantly being hounded with complaints makes it difficult for him to help solve your pains.

3) Not putting your husband first: “When your children, mom, best friends, talents, or career in front of your husband, you send a clear message to him that he is unimportant.”

4) Withholding sex: “Sex should not be used as a tool to control your spouse; it should be viewed as a sacred tool to draw you closer to one another and to God…Even though you might not always be in the mood, it’s worth it to give in (when you can) and spend that time bonding.”

5) Being coy: “Don’t waste your time giving subtle hints that he won’t understand: Speak plainly to him. Be honest about your feelings, and don’t bottle things up until you burst. If he asks you what’s wrong, don’t respond with “nothing” and then expect him to read your mind and emotions.”

The article has clearly struck a chord, judging from the millions of page views and shares.

But not everybody is happy with what they’re reading:

Most of the criticism seems to be aimed at the fact that the article is specifically telling women how to please their husbands, and not the other way around, though the author does state at the top of the piece that the same advice could apply to men who want to make their wives happy.

TIME psychology

10 Things That Will Change the Way You Think About Love

fingers
Getty Images

Eric Barker writes Barking Up the Wrong Tree.

  • Love does mean being a little deluded. Don’t believe it? You’re deluded. This has been shown time and time and time again.

This piece originally appeared on Barking Up the Wrong Tree.

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TIME Ideas hosts the world's leading voices, providing commentary and expertise on the most compelling events in news, society, and culture. We welcome outside contributions. To submit a piece, email ideas@time.com.

TIME relationships

Environmentalist Hugs a Tree by Marrying It

... symbolically

A Peruvian man known for his environmentalism redefined the term “tree hugger” when he married a tree at a national park in Bogotá, Columbia on Sunday.

Richard Torres symbolically married the tree as a way to promote caring for trees in Columbia, and in an effort to encourage the rebels of the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia to plant trees instead of inciting war, according to the Associated Press.

While Torres’ nuptials seem to have been intended more as an awareness-raising campaign, it is not unheard of for people to commit to spending the rest of their lives with a non-human or object. The 2008 documentary Married to the Eiffel Tower follow a number of people, mostly women, who claim to have long-term relationships with large objects.

This is reportedly Torres’ second time symbolically marrying a tree.

TIME Crime

Who Is Charles Manson?

USA, Circa 1971, American cult leader and mass murderer Charles Manson is shown in these three pictures demonstrating how he has changed his appearance during his trial for the Tate-La Bianca murders in Los Angeles in 1969
Charles Manson's appearance changes in these three photos from circa 1971 Popperfoto/Getty Images

News of a potential marriage has brought him back to the limelight, many years after his crimes

Charles Manson returned to headlines on Monday, after decades in prison, with the news that he and Afton Elaine “Star” Burton, a 26-year-old who has been corresponding with him for nearly a decade, have secured a marriage license.

As Manson returns to public consciousness, so do his crimes: some physical similarities between Burton and the Manson Family followers of earlier years have been noted, and his relationship with the much younger woman generally calls to mind the enthralling power that Manson was once said to have, a power that captivated the attention of both his adherents and the appalled nation alike.

But Burton was not even born when the Manson family first made headlines, almost half a century ago. So who exactly is Charles Manson and what did he do?

It was 45 years ago that TIME first reported on the man it dubbed “The Demon of Death Valley.” A “band of hippies” had broken into a Los Angeles house and murdered five people, including the actress Sharon Tate, who was nearly nine months pregnant at the time. “Please let me have my baby,” Tate reportedly pleaded before being stabbed 16 times.

The killers were, the magazine reported, the “zombie-like followers” of a “semi-religious hippie drug-and-murder cult” — the leader of which was Manson, then 35 years old. Manson was not one of the killers himself, though he was charged with both murder and conspiracy for having ordered the acts (because, police suggested early on, the previous occupant of the house had once refused to record a song by Manson). The crimes were proof of the remarkable influence that he had acquired in just a few short years:

Manson is a drifter with a five-page criminal record stretching back 20 years. Born in 1934, to a teen-age mother, he never saw his father. His prostitute parent was often in jail, and young Manson was shifted around from relatives to foster parents to reformatories. As he grew up, he turned to petty crimes, mainly car theft. His education never went beyond the seventh grade. It was during these years that he apparently developed his hatred of the affluent and a loathing for women. In and out of prison, Manson became interested in music and the occult, and when he was last released in 1967, he headed for San Francisco as a “roving minstrel.”

Manson began to gather followers in Haight-Ashbury in 1966, and in 1968 he moved his retinue by bus to Los Angeles to further his music-writing ambitions. Last winter, Manson moved his clan to the Spahn Ranch in western Los Angeles County, and it was from there that they made their alleged commando forays against their affluent victims. Manson busied himself converting stolen cars into dune buggies, and after the ranch was raided in August, he led his followers to their own hell in the inhospitable depths of Death Valley.

Among the greasewood and rattlesnakes, they holed up in run-down cabins and led an indolent, almost savage existence, singing Manson’s songs, dancing, swimming in a small pool, stealing cars for cash and picking through garbage for food. Miners in the area reported being chased away by amazons wielding knives. Manson reportedly held an almost hypnotic spell over his followers, who called him “God” and “Satan.” His women lolled harem-like around the commune nude or barebreasted, catering to his every whim. One chagrined ranchhand relates discussing business with Manson while one of Manson’s girls performed a sex act upon the “guru.” But women in the “family” saw him in a different light. “He gave off a lot of magic,” said one, Lynn Fromme. “To me, to us, he was everything,” added another, Sandy Good Pugh.

During the 1970 Tate-LaBianca murder trial — a months-long ordeal so called because it focused on the killings of Tate and those with her, as well as another double murder that took place the following night — further details of life with Manson began to emerge. Prosecutors claimed that Manson was inspired by the Beatles song “Helter Skelter” and that his goal was to make the white population believe that a “violent black uprising” had begun. The star witness for the state was Linda Kasabian, a defector from the Manson family who was granted immunity in exchange for testifying about what she had seen.

Manson, for his part, attempted to get the court to agree to let him represent himself, with the idea that his three co-defendants — young women whom he had told to actually commit the murders — would testify that they had indeed committed the crimes but that Manson was innocent. He had not told them to kill anyone, he would later say; rather, society had. A judge decided that Manson was incompetent to do represent himself, that he must take on an actual lawyer. In the end, Manson and the three women did not testify in front of a jury at all. All four were found guilty of first-degree murder. Manson would not allow any of them to plead insanity.

During the sentencing portion of the trial, however, followers like Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme — who was not accused in the Tate-LaBianca murders but would, a few years later, attempt to assassinate President Gerald Ford — did speak up to describe life among the Family. They told of how “Charlie” was both a father figure and a lover to them, and described seeing Manson reanimate dead animals. The testimony also included an alternate motive, the idea that the murders would suggest that the state had been off-base in its findings about a separate but similar killing, of which another Family member had previously been convicted. Susan Denise Atkins, one of the convicted killers, also described the night of the Tate killings in vivid and gruesome detail, as TIME reported:

“She said, ‘Please, all I want to do is have my baby.’ I said, ‘Don’t move, don’t talk to me. I don’t want to hear it.’ I just stabbed her, and she fell, and I stabbed her again. I don’t know how many times I stabbed her.” Atkins dipped a towel in Miss Tate’s blood and wrote PIG on the front door of the house.

Did she feel hate toward any of the five persons who died that night? “No. I didn’t know any of them. How could I have had any feelings—nothing. What I was doing was right. I was coming from love. I had no thoughts in my head. I have no guilt in me.” How can someone be killed out of love? “To explain the feeling would be almost impossible to relate so that you could understand it. It was like, when I would stab. I was stabbing myself. The touching of a flower, looking at the sun, whatever I do and I know is right when I am doing it, feels good.”

Manson and the three women were sentenced to death, but California abolished its death penalty before the executions could be carried out. And, despite having been denied parole several times of the years, Manson has never completely receded from the public eye — as this week’s news once again proves.

See more photos of Charles Manson and his followers here, at LIFE.com.

Read next: Charles Manson Gets Marriage License

TIME South Korea

South Korea’s Labor Ministry Issued Sexist Job Advice for Women

A jobseeker looks at a board showing job information at an office of the Employment Information Service in Seoul
A job seeker looks at a board showing job information at an office of the Employment Information Service in Seoul on May 11, 2011 Truth Leem—Reuters

You don't mind a bit of sexual harassment, do you ladies?

Women in South Korea were advised by a government website to tell potential employers they do not mind sex jokes in the workplace, had no plans to get married and were willing to take on menial tasks like making coffee.

The statements were among job-interview guidelines posted on a site run by the country’s Labor Ministry, the Korea Herald reports

The post, which incurred the anger of several local advocacy groups and was taken down on Friday, compiled “ideal answers” for potential interview questions.

When a woman was asked about her opinion on sexual harassment, her response should be: “I wouldn’t mind casual jokes about sex and it is sometimes necessary to deal with [sexual harassment] by making a joke in return,” the guidelines stated.

Women were told to say, “I have no interest in getting married for awhile,” even if they did plan to get married, because the ministry said women often quit their jobs after marriage.

And of course no woman should be reluctant to make trips to the pantry. “I will do my very best even if it is just making a single cup of coffee,” is what the ministry told female job seekers to say.

A group of NGOs, including the Korean National Council of Women, denounced the post. “The government is in fact encouraging employers to discriminate against women,” they said in a joint statement.

[Korea Herald]

TIME People

What Made Carly Simon Decide to Marry James Taylor

Carly Simon and James Taylor
Carly Simon and James Taylor performing Richard E. Aaron—Redferns / Getty Images

There's nothing quite like a magazine cover

In the new issue of TIME, music legend Carly Simon discusses Taylor Swift’s career — and revealed a surprising story about her own history:

“In 1971, I was walking down the street with my sister, we had just crammed Indian food into our mouths and were walking home. And I looked at the cover of TIME Magazine and it was James Taylor, whom I’d never met. And I looked at him from fairly far away, and I said to my sister, ‘I’m gonna marry that man,'” Simon told TIME’s Jack Dickey.

“What were they thinking?” Simon asked about the cover’s psychedelic composition, “But it did have a supernatural quality, at least in getting the message to me.

Simon and Taylor, fans will know, married in 1972. They met, according to Rolling Stone, just about a month after Simon would have seen that fateful magazine. The two divorced in 1983.

Here’s that magical cover:

James Taylor (Mar. 1, 1971) J. H. BRESLOW

Read the 1971 cover story, here in the TIME Vault: The New Rock: Bittersweet and Low

Read TIME’s new cover story about Taylor Swift: The Power of Taylor Swift

 

MONEY

Lessons From a $1 Billion Divorce Settlement

Harold Hamm, founder and CEO of Continental Resources, enters the courthouse for divorce proceedings with wife Sue Ann Hamm in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma September 22, 2014.
Harold Hamm, founder and CEO of Continental Resources, enters the courthouse for divorce proceedings with wife Sue Ann Hamm in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma September 22, 2014. Steve Sisney—Reuters

Oil tycoon Harold Hamm was ordered to pay his ex-wife $1 billion. Even if you and your spouse don't have that kind of money, pay attention.

In one of the largest divorce settlements on record, the chairman and CEO of energy giant Continental Resources CONTINENTAL RESOURCES CLR 0.3287% was ordered Monday to pay his ex-wife $995.4 million, according to the Associated Press.

As part of an Oklahoma judge’s ruling, Harold Hamm must pay his ex-wife, Sue Ann Hamm, $322 million by the end of the year, and pay off the rest of the money in monthly installments of at least $7 million.

The ruling, which Forbes estimates will leave Harold Hamm with a fortune of $14 billion, is a vivid illustration of the economic impact that a breakup can have on divorcing spouses at any level of wealth. Unlike many wealthy couples, the Hamms had not entered into a prenuptial agreement, according to the New York Times. Such an agreement usually establishes how a couple will divide property and provide for spousal support in the event of a divorce, in place of relying on state laws.

While Sue Ann Hamm seems to be walking away from this marriage financially set, Money contributer Lili Vasileff, who works with divorcing and divorced clients, notes that wives are often financially shortchanged in a breakup. Here she explains the Seven Biggest Money Mistakes That Divorcing Women Make. Elsewhere, she discusses how lifetime alimony has become a lightning rod for criticism.

As for prenuptial agreements, Money contributing editor Farnoosh Torabi points out that they’re not just for wealthy folks and celebrities. Learn why in this video:

 

TIME advice

The Thank You Note Isn’t Dead

Thank you note
Getty Images

You should break out the pens for thank you notes. So retro, right?

This article originally appeared on Refinery29.com.

Just a couple of weeks after sending out your wedding invitations, the RSVPs will start to arrive… as will the wedding gifts! (Which makes checking the mail in the month before your wedding so much fun.) And, thanking each and every guest not only for giving a gift, but also for attending your wedding, is an etiquette must. Here’s exactly how to nail your wedding thank yous.

The Basics

Purchase thank you cards before your wedding. You’ll likely be completely overcome with gratitude in the days after your wedding and will want to send thank you cards immediately, so don’t put off buying them. If you like the look of the modern thank you cards that include a wedding photo, at least choose the card you’ll send as early as possible; then you can quickly complete the order once you have then photos from your photographer. And buy notes to send for shower or engagement gifts in the meantime.

Send thank yous as gifts arrive. There’s no sense in waiting until you have dozens of presents to sort through.

Send them within a few weeks of your wedding. You do not have a year to send out thank-you cards — you have three months max. Start writing and mailing your notes when you get back from your honeymoon. (But don’t stop sending thank-you notes even if it takes you more than three months!)

(MORE: Local Stationery Line Suitor Gives Us A Lesson In Manners)

Handwrite them. We have nothing but love for e-cards, but you should break out the pens for thank you notes. So retro, right?

Send a thank you to everyone who attends your wedding. And yes, that includes people who may not have given you a gift. There’s no doubt that attending your wedding involved their time (and, most likely, some money), so let them know they helped you feel special and loved.

Send photos if you can. If you have a few early prints from your photographer, include one of your portraits or a picture of yourselves with the guest you’re thanking, or a great shot of the guest in the photo booth. You could also take a photo of yourselves using the gift and send that along.

Try not to stress about it too much though: Just because you’re following an etiquette rule by sending thank yous doesn’t mean you have to adopt an unnatural tone. Stick to conversational language that’s authentically you.

(MORE: Modern Manners: The New Rules For Real Life)

Not sure what to write? Here’s a thank you card breakdown that our friends at Sugar Paper LA shared with us. And keep in mind that many of the tips below are universal and can be applied to all types of thank-you cards.

1. The greeting. Address your guests (and be sure to spell their names right).

2. The gratitude. Note: While you should say thanks for the generous gift towards your honeymoon, or a gift card to Bed, Bath & Beyond, refrain from mentioning the amount given.

3. How you’ll use it. Guests want to know they’ve given you something you love and can use, so thank them for giving you cash towards your first home, or for the new KitchenAid mixer you plan to use to make fresh pasta.

4. Thank them for their presence. If they were at your wedding, let them know how much you appreciate it and how nice it was to spend time with them. If they weren’t at your wedding, thank them for their long-distance good wishes and let them know you hope to see them in person soon.

5. More gratitude. Finish your note with “Many thanks!” or “Thanks again!”

6. The good-bye. You can sign off with “Love” if you’re comfortable, or just use a dash and then sign your names.

(MORE: Everyone’s Getting Married; Here’s What To Buy Them)

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