--- title: Ask Dr. Ruth: Sexual Desire in Long-Distance Relationships description: In this week's Ask Dr. Ruth, the renowned sex therapist shares how you can keep the passion alive in long-distance relationships. canonical: https://time.com/5136066/dr-ruth-long-distance-relationships/ author: Dr. Ruth Westheimer article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2018-02-08T13:00:31.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-04-13T09:05:58.939Z og:title: Ask Dr. Ruth: How Do I Keep My Long-Distance Relationship From Fizzling Out? og:description: Fantasies (and good communication) og:url: https://time.com/5136066/dr-ruth-long-distance-relationships/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltdbca0a81b6dee5aa/69892b1b0a4a22ce3c9d21ee/dr-ruth-long-distance-relationships-fizzling-out.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 2405 og:image:height: 1353 og:image:alt: dr-ruth-long-distance-relationships-fizzling-out-phone og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Ask Dr. Ruth: How Do I Keep My Long-Distance Relationship From Fizzling Out? twitter:description: Fantasies (and good communication) twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltdbca0a81b6dee5aa/69892b1b0a4a22ce3c9d21ee/dr-ruth-long-distance-relationships-fizzling-out.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Ask Dr. Ruth: How Do I Keep My Long-Distance Relationship From Fizzling Out? > Sponsored content. 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Worth Your Time is TIME's culture recommendation newsletter, edited by culture editor Eliza Berman. Twice a week it surfaces the books, shows, films and ideas TIME's editors think are worth your attention, and explains why. It is free at time.com/newsletters. #### Does TIME have a culture newsletter? Yes. Worth Your Time is TIME's culture newsletter, published Tuesdays and Saturdays. #### Who writes TIME's culture recommendations? Culture editor Eliza Berman writes Worth Your Time, drawing on TIME's critics and culture desk. #### Is Worth Your Time free? Yes. It is a free newsletter available at time.com/newsletters. by [Dr. Ruth Westheimer](https://time.com/author/dr-ruth-westheimer/) ## Dr. Ruth Westheimer Feb 8, 2018 1:00 PM UTC  Female hand holding a red telephone.Take a look at my lightbox of other related images. Female hand holding a red telephone.Take a look at my lightbox of other related images. Spiderstock/iStockphoto/Getty Images by [Dr. Ruth Westheimer](https://time.com/author/dr-ruth-westheimer/) ## Dr. Ruth Westheimer Feb 8, 2018 1:00 PM UTC _After 30 years of working as a sex therapist, the legendary_ [_Dr. Ruth_](http://drruth.com/) _isn’t done sharing her wisdom. Here, she answers your most pressing questions on sex, relationships and life. Email your own queries to_ **_drruth@time.com_**_, or_ [_catch up on previous installments of the Ask Dr. Ruth series_](http://time.com/author/dr-ruth-westheimer/)_._ **Q: How do you maintain sexual desire in a long-distance relationship?** **A:** [Sexual desire](http://time.com/12090/15-everyday-habits-to-boost-your-libido/) is directly related to the state of a [couple’s relationship](http://time.com/4975262/marriage-heart-health/). If two people aren’t getting along, then even though they share the same bed every night, that doesn’t mean that they want to have [sex](http://time.com/5077370/sex-holidays-fertility/). So the first key to a [long-distance relationship](http://content.time.com/time/travel/article/0,31542,1862792,00.html) is to make sure that the lines of [communication](http://time.com/4210157/relationship-communication/) are open. That’s so much easier to do these days as there are so many options with [technology](http://time.com/5139859/smartphone-addiction-solutions/). But if all you do is send brief texts, then that won’t be enough. So make sure that you have time to actually talk to one another, whether it be a video chat or just on a plain old land line. I would also advise using [sexual fantasies](http://time.com/5113326/dr-ruth-focus-during-sex/). If you’ve been fantasizing about your lover while you’re far apart, your libido will be primed to respond when you’re finally together. If you’re constantly pushing away sexy thoughts about your lover, telling yourself since you can’t have him or her, such thoughts are only frustrating, you may end up making it more difficult to become [sexually aroused](http://healthland.time.com/2012/09/14/why-sex-doesnt-gross-you-out-when-youre-aroused/) when you’re actually in each other’s arms. Normally I’m not against fantasizing about someone other than your partner, but not when you’re far from each other. If you’re fantasizing about your next door neighbor or someone at work or school, you might be tempted to live out that fantasy. You might find it frustrating to fantasize about your lover who is hundreds of miles away, but I’m here to tell you to do just that as it will serve several purposes. One, it will allow you to fend off any tempting thoughts about having [sex with someone else](http://time.com/4994199/esther-perel-cheating-infidelity-relationships-marriage/). Fantasies may seem totally innocuous, but they have a way of insinuating themselves in your psyche so that after a while they’ll pop up automatically. Such fantasies could make you more likely to cheat or else they could mean that the next time you are with your lover, one of those imaginary lovers from your fantasies may fill your mind instead of your actual lover. That could spoil what should be a positive experience to both your sex life and your entire relationship. **_Email questions to drruth@time.com._** ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/5136066/dr-ruth-long-distance-relationships/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/5136066/dr-ruth-long-distance-relationships/"},"headline":"Ask Dr. Ruth: How Do I Keep My Long-Distance Relationship From Fizzling Out?","datePublished":"2018-02-08T13:00:31.000Z","dateModified":"2026-04-13T09:05:58.939Z","description":"Fantasies (and good communication)","url":"https://time.com/5136066/dr-ruth-long-distance-relationships/","keywords":["motto","relationships","relationship advice"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltdbca0a81b6dee5aa/69892b1b0a4a22ce3c9d21ee/dr-ruth-long-distance-relationships-fizzling-out.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Dr. Ruth Westheimer","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/dr-ruth-westheimer/"}],"articleSection":"","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltdbca0a81b6dee5aa/69892b1b0a4a22ce3c9d21ee/dr-ruth-long-distance-relationships-fizzling-out.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"dr-ruth-long-distance-relationships-fizzling-out-phone","caption":"dr-ruth-long-distance-relationships-fizzling-out-phone","creditText":"Spiderstock/iStockphoto/Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/tag/motto/","name":"motto"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/5136066/dr-ruth-long-distance-relationships/","name":"Ask Dr. Ruth: How Do I Keep My Long-Distance Relationship From Fizzling Out?"}}]}] ```