ABC/The Bachelor
By Melissa Locker
January 10, 2017

Welcome back to The Bachelor where Nick Viall is getting his fourth chance at love after striking out twice on The Bachelorette and once on Bachelor in Paradise. The producers chose 30 lovely women for Nick and the ingrate has already turned up his nose at eight of them. The remaining women love his “strong confidence” and the fact that he comes with an almost guaranteed marriage proposal and a Neil Lane diamond ring. In this crazy world that’s a sure-fire recipe for true love.

Here’s what happened on The Bachelor, season 21, episode 2:

The First Group Date: In case you weren’t sure where this season was headed, the very first date involves getting wedding photos taken with Nick. Alexis, the dolphin enthusiast, trades her shark, er, dolphin costume for that of a pregnant bride armed with a glass of wine and a shotgun. One girl gets to be a princess bride, another is a biker bride, and another (Brittany?) is given an outfit you don’t see in many bridal magazines—a bikini bottom and a long wig. It’s part Lady Godiva, part Eve, and all too much for Corinne, the 24-year old with the nanny, to handle. She is super jealous of Brittany’s costume and decides that the best revenge is to take her shirt off in her photo shoot, too, using Nick’s hands as a bikini top. All the women gasp and cringe, and Nick tries not to enjoy it too much. The women are not impressed, but Corinne brands herself as brave and the other women as jealous. Because we live in an upside down world, Corinne wins the challenge and gets extra time with Nick.

The Bachelor Milestone: Guess who’s not here to make friends? Corinne!

The Cocktail Party: Later, Corinne is still reeling from her victory, “No one has ever held my boobs like that, and no one ever will.” Nick tells her that for his part, he is very impressed with her. Despite the fact that she already got quality time with Nick, Corinne interrupts Alexis, who is dolphin-itely not impressed. Taylor, the Hopkins-educated therapist, is talking to Nick about his feelings when Corinne interrupts again. Taylor allowed her a moment and then “re-interrupted” Corinne and reclaimed her time with Nick. Corinne is so upset by this turn of events that her motherboard reboots and she starts to refer to herself in the third person and then blurts out on a torrent of Bachelor-isms about being here for Nick and putting herself out there. Can someone turn her off and turn her back on?

The Group Date Rose: Nick gives the rose to Corinne, because of course he did. “Dad would be proud, even though I was naked,” says Corinne.

The One-on-One Date: Danielle M., the NICU nurse from Nick’s hometown, earns the first one-on-one date.

The Bachelor Milestone: Helicopter ride! Danielle and Nick hop on a ’copter and fly to a yacht anchored off Newport Beach. You know just like a typical date night in Wisconsin.

The Bachelor Milestone: Tragic backstory alert. Danielle was engaged to a man who overdosed and she found him. To add insult to injury, she didn’t even know he was an addict. Nick “admires [Danielle] more now” for sharing her past and to reward her, Nick hands her the date rose, because tragedy and vulnerability always earn you a rose or two on this show.

The Second Group Date: Liz (remember Liz who hooked up with Nick at Jade and Tanner’s wedding?) gets invited on the group date and she is so relieved because she needs to talk to Nick. The group visits the Los Angeles outpost of the Museum of Broken Relationships, to which Nick has donated the rose and engagement ring that he picked out for Kaitlyn Bristowe, when she chucked him over on The Bachelorette. The group is at the museum to break up with Nick—really. The women are tasked with unceremoniously dumping him and they live up to the challenge. All six of them dump Nick over and over again with one girl going for extra credit and slapping the tuna salad out of him. It’s glorious and Andi Dorfman is probably slightly jealous.

The Drama: Liz, who helpfully reminds us a few more times that she met Nick at Jade and Tanner’s wedding, decides to confide in one of her housemates, Christen, about her past with Nick. When Nick avoids Liz on the group date, undoubtedly egged on by a producer, she decides to use the opportunity of the staged break-up to tell him all her feelings. Nick hears the truth in her words, but is not happy that she’s blabbing their business in front of the other women. Not that any of the other women have any idea what she is talking about. Nick decides that he must do something (like talk to her?) about this Liz situation.

The Second Cocktail Party: Nick decides to grill all the women to see whether or not they know about his past with Liz. Only Christen does, but that’s enough for Nick. He calls Liz aside and they finally have a conversation. She talks in circles, slowly digging a hole as she tries to explain that she didn’t call him, because she didn’t want to, but now she does want to, but not because he’s on TV or anything. Nick is suspicious of her motives and doesn’t want her ruining his relationship with the other women. It’s basically how you don’t want your ex anywhere near your new boo, because they will spill all the dirt about how you eat Cheetos in bed and ugly-cry during reruns of Jessie. So Nick dumps her on primetime and Liz looks stunned, but doesn’t cry.

Nick decides he has to tell the other women that he was so inspired by their trip to the Museum of Broken Relationships that he dumped Liz. But that’s next week on The Bachelor.

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