TIME viral

Jimmy Fallon Makes The Roots Watch Horror Movie Version of The 50 Shades of Grey Trailer

More like "50 Shades of Freaked Out"

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The 50 Shades of Grey trailer has been in heavy rotation this week as fans get their first peek at Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan in action as Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey, stars of EL James’s steamy boudoir bestseller turned sure-to-be blockbuster. So it wasn’t entirely surprising that Jimmy Fallon would ask The Tonight Show house band, The Roots, to watch the trailer. It never hurts to be up on current event in pop culture when the stars of the film will probably be stopping by the show during the eventual all-out 50 Shades press tour.

What The Roots didn’t know is that Fallon is an evil genius. They may have suspected as much after seeing him make acclaimed actor Morgan Freeman huff helium, but with this prank, he proved he belongs along side Lex Luthor, The Brain and Dr. Evil (or at least Dr. Doofenshmirtz) in the evil genius hall of fame. What did Fallon do? He secretly inserted a bleeding, screaming ghoul into the clip to scare the bejeezus out of them. Questlove did not approve.

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TIME Television

James Franco Tries and Fails to Give 5-Second Summaries of Serious Movies

'The Tonight Show' turns into a high-pressure game show in this clip

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Jimmy Fallon kept James Franco really busy on The Tonight Show last night. Not only did Fallon have Franco give him a pointers on how to take selfies with fans, but the late-night host also made the Of Mice and Men star play a rapid-fire round of 5-Second Summaries.

In theory, the game is simple: one player is assigned a movie title and has five seconds to give a summary of the film so the other player can guess the title. Unfortunately, the rules kept changing while the two played, devolving into a giggle-and-swear fest with Franco getting a quick lesson in what you can and can’t say on television.

While no one was able to get Toy Story or The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, at least Franco was able to figure out Pineapple Express.

Watch part two here:

MORE: When Peter Met Homer: A First Look at the Family GuySimpsons Crossover

MORE: Watch James Franco Teach Jimmy Fallon How to Take Selfies With Fans

TIME viral

Grunge Gets The 8-Bit Treatment in This Music Video

It's 8-bit Kurt Cobain vs Donkey Kong

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The YouTube channel Filthy Frackers have put together an animated medley of grunge’s greatest hits retrofitted to sound like the soundtrack to an old school NES video game. If you’ve ever imagined Nirvana as the soundtrack to Tetris, this could be your new favorite thing.

The chiptune compilation features game-ready takes on tracks by grunge heroes like Nirvana’s “In Bloom”, Pearl Jam’s “Jeremy” and Soundgarden’s “Rusty Cage”. There’s also a music filled with 8-bit Kurt Cobain, Dave Grohl, Alice in Chains and Stone Temple Pilots banging their digitized heads alongside Donkey Konkey and Super Mario, with plunger in hand.

The YouTubers have also put together a memorable version of “Hunger Strike”, featuring distraught 8-bit versions of Eddie Vedder and Chris Cornell. But if you prefer your 8-bit soundtracks made by indie rockers (instead of your indie rockers turned into 8-bit soundtracks), check out The Advantage who have been releasing their own version of video game soundtracks for years, like this take on the “Castlevania” theme.

(h/t GrungeBook)

MORE: Radiohead’s Kid A and OK Computer, Now in 8-Bit

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TIME Television

Who Will Be the Next Bachelor: Nick V., Farmer Chris or Grumpy Cat?

Craig Sjodin /ABC/American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. /2014

#TeamMarquel

Who is the next star of The Bachelor?

After The Bachelorette star Andi Dorfman made her choice, fans’ attention quickly shifted from Nick or Josh to who would star in the next installment of the popular franchise. The star is usually announced during the After the Final Rose show, but last night, host Chris Harrison pat popular Bachelorette contestant Farmer Chris on the shoulder and said the decision would be made later. Who or what could the show be waiting on?

One guess is that the producers were testing finalist Nick V.’s audience appeal during his appearance on last night’s After the Final Rose show. While Nick may have earned some sympathy votes from soft-hearted fans sad to see him discarded in the final moments of the show, his frequent attempts to see Andi in person went from seeking closure to full-on creepy. Plus, his decision to shame Andi for sleeping with him in the Fantasy Suite when she wasn’t convinced she should marry him was unnecessary and harsh, especially as it’s been a longstanding Bachelor tradition that what happens in the Fantasy Suite stays in the Fantasy Suite. After that display — and in the wake of least favorite Bachelor Juan Pablo Galavis — Nick’s most likely out of the running to be America’s next top bachelor.

If the producers are looking for the anti-Juan Pablo, they need look no farther than Farmer Chris. The Iowa native is a sweet, soft-spoken man who has proven himself to be a fan favorite (one fan even gave him her phone number during The Men Tell All episode). Aside from the fact that she sent him packing, he also has Andi’s seal of approval. “I mean, look at him,” she told People. “Chris has the whole package. He is the all-American guy who is a farmer who does not look like a farmer, but he’s also successful and he’s ready for a family. He’s going to be a great husband and a great father.”

However, the producers may be concerned that casting Chris could turn The Bachelor franchise into an unwanted reboot of another reality show — the blessedly short-lived Farmer Wants A Wife. That show, which lived for one season on The CW Network, featured eight women vying for the affections of a strapping bachelor farmer — a premise that might be too close for the producers’ comfort. Also, while Chris is affable and romantic, he was also incredibly taciturn on the show. The strong-and-silent type doesn’t play well on television. Chris may be getting some behind-the-scenes prep work by agents, acting coaches and producers in preparation for being a star, but he may also be spending his time polishing his FarmersOnly.com dating profile. No doubt someone at that website is eyeballing a Bachelor crossover deal.

Another Bachelorette fan favorite was Marcus, another contestant tossed aside during Andi’s journey to love. However, rumor (a.k.a. US Weekly) has it that he’s engaged to someone he met on Bachelor in Paradise — Lacy Faddoul, one of the women who mercifully escaped the clutches of Juan Pablo on The Bachelor. An engagement would probably keep him out of the running to be the next Bachelor, but if he winds up heartbroken or left at the altar, there is still a shot of handing out roses to women ready to pick up the pieces with him.

There’s also a chance that blast from The Bachelorette‘s past may take up the mantle of Man in Chief on The Bachelor. US Weekly reports that Arie Luyendyk Jr. may be angling for a return to the reality TV spotlight. The tall, dark and handsome race car driver was the runner-up on Bachelorette Emily Maynard’s season (she chose philanthropist and entrepreneur Jef for a short-lived romance). In the wake of his broken heart, Arie went on to date infamous Bachelor contestant Courtney Robertson in the wake of her break-up with Bachelor Ben Flajnik. A flow chart might be necessary to keep this all straight, but many fans of the show would be willing to watch Arie find love.

Finally, there’s Marquel Martin. The cookie-loving, straight-talking, funny and charismatic contestant was left on the side of Andi’s road to love, but he was already a fan favorite. Not only did he gracefully handle uncomfortable situations with other contestants, but he did it with forthright charm and wit. While there was some speculation that Marquel may not want to be known as the show’s “first African-American Bachelor,” he may be coming around. “Am I opposed to it? Absolutely not,” Martin told E! about the possibility of being cast as The Bachelor. “That is something…to talk with my family about if I was afforded that opportunity. Obviously, right now I’m not thinking about that because I don’t know if that’s even an option.” The only thing standing in his way? Being cast on Bachelor in Paradise. Typically the show only sends its B-team players to the island of misfit boys and girls, but things may be changing on the show in the wake of Juan Pablo and producers may want to see how a fan favorite fits into the Bachelor universe before making him their star.

So who will it be? We’re still Team Marquel. Alternatively, we’ll accept Grumpy Cat, whose surprise appearance on After the Final Rose qualifies her for casting.

MORE: The Bachelorette Watch: 11 Things We Learned When the Men Tell All

MORE: RECAP: Bachelorette Finale: Andi Makes Her Choice

TIME Art

This Furniture Looks, Feels and Smells Like It’s Made Out of Human Skin

Courtesy Gigi Barker

Strangely, not part of the Buffalo Bill Home Collection

A set of furniture designed by Gigi Barker looks a lot like what Hannibal Lecter might use to decorate his family room.

The British designer and founder of design studio 9191 has crafted a material that has the look, feel and — thanks to the addition of after shave to the mix – smell of human flesh. Barker used the pheromone-impregnated silicone base to craft a collection of chairs and footstools, which were modeled after the Rubenesque folds of a man’s stomach. No word on whether you need to moisturize the chairs with lotion to help them keep their luster.

While the chair may make your skin crawl, Barker isn’t just trying to creep out her audience. She believes that the unique material lets people form a physical connection to the piece and allows them the opportunity to examine their relationship to their own skin and other people’s. Plus, the material reacts to bodies and according to Barker, speaking to Wired UK, matches a human’s body temperature, which is “perfect for soothing a crying baby”.

If the concept doesn’t scare you, the price tag might – the combined cost of the chair and stool is over $4,000 (£2,380). That said, Barker’s show at Central Saint Martin’s sold out last month, according to Wired UK, and she’s already in talks with retailers.

Courtesy Gigi Barker

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TIME Sports

Losing Korean Baseball Team Replaces Fans With Cheering Robots

And so it begins...

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Korea’s Hanwha Eagles do not have a good record. The baseball team has wracked up 400 losses over the last five years, according to the BBC. But just because a team has a losing record, doesn’t mean they don’t deserve big cheers — just ask any New York Knicks fan!

To make sure that the Eagles stadium is filled with the roar of the crowd and that team morale stays high, the Eagles are taking a page from The Future and adding cheering, chanting robots to their stadium seats.

Hanwha’s robot fans will work as stand-ins for human fans who can’t attend a game. Remote fans will be able to control some of the robots’ movements — presumably certain hand gestures in the direction of umpires — and can even upload an image of their face to be shown on the machine’s screen. The robots will also let fans watch the game from afar, giving more fans the opportunity to join in the action and cheer on their team.

“It’s a pretty neat idea,” Hanwha Eagles pitcher and former Minnesota Twin Andrew Albers says in the video the team released to explain the presence of robots in their stands. “It gets the crowd into it and really helps them get involved.”

If robots cheer at the robot World Cup or the Femme Bot battles, can act as mules and write the Torah, how long until they decide they don’t need humans at all? Oh wait, they still need someone to battle in Connect Four.

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TIME Television

Bachelorette Finale: Andi Makes Her Choice

ABC

Big surprises are in store for Josh and Nick ... and Grumpy Cat!

Nick or Josh? Nick or Josh? Welcome to the finale of The Bachelorette, where Andi Dorfman must choose which of the two eligible bachelors will become her life partner. There’s Nick, the crazy-eyed stallion with the supposed heart of gold who makes Andi feel his passion for her and accent scarves. Then there’s Josh, the former pro baseball player who never misses a chance to flash his extremely white teeth, bulky biceps or his feelings for Andi. We’ve made our choice. But whom will Andi choose? As we join Chris Harrison in the studio, he informs us that the man Andi didn’t choose is not over her and has been trying to see her, and she has repeatedly turned him down. Sounds like fun to watch for the whole family.

Here’s what happened on the finale of The Bachelorette:

Nick Meets the Family: Nick is so nervous to meet Andi’s family that he is sweating all over the veranda. Her mother makes sure that Nick and the viewing audience knows Andi worked her way through law school. Nick spends all his time telling Mama Dorfman that he loves Andi. He says the L word about 20 times and until her mother begs for mercy. Then Nick turns his attention to Andi’s father Hy and asks for his blessing to marry his daughter. He pauses and tells Nick that in his family, commitment is for life and then shrugs and says sure, later interviewing that he would be O.K. with having Nick as a son-in-law. The one thing they can all agree on is this: Nick loves Andi. Nick and Andi make out on the couch to seal the deal.

Suave Hair Moments: Someone from Suave gives Andi a shiny coif. “Perfect for a rose ceremony,” decrees Andi. “Best of luck, Andi!” chirps Desiree. “You look wonderful,” notes Catherine. “Why did I watch this?” sighs a nation.

Josh Meets the Family: Josh notes that he only has one chance to make a first impression. He walks into the house and realizes that he is wearing the exact same blue button-down, white shorts outfit as Hy. Awkward! Despite the fashion faux pas, he hands Hy cigars, gives Patti flowers and hyperventilates all over the place. Patti rolls her eyes as Josh sweats through his shirt. They are all concerned that Josh is too much like Andi’s past boyfriends. Josh announces that he wants to marry Andi, and Hy gives him his blessing to propose to his daughter on prime time. Hy has no concerns about Josh whatsoever. In an interview, Josh announces, “Andi is my wife!”

Final Date With Josh: For their final date, Josh and Andi canoodle on a cruise around the Dominican Republic and Andi uses her law degree to grill Josh about what he said to her family. Josh flashes his pearly whites (is he sponsored by Crest White Strips?) and voice-overs that he wants to spend his life with his best friend. Then the producers make the wise decision to station a cameraman in the water to capture the moment that Andi’s bikini-clad behind enters the water after jumping off the boat with Josh and refraining from making a poignant metaphor about love and jumping. Back on land, Josh wants answers. Andi gives him a few without showing her hand or demanding to know why he thought red pants were a good choice for the evening. Josh hands her a baseball card with her name listed as Andi Murray, because of course she is changing her last name. Josh can’t imagine his life without her and Andi says “Josh is so my type” more times than Carl Gauss can count.

Final Date With Nick: For his final date with Andi, Nick opted to pair a blue V-neck T-shirt with blue athletic shorts for a Sad-Eyed-Smurf look. They go off-roading in the Dominican Republic, because it lends itself to the best marital metaphors. Andi and Nick do not canoodle. When Nick tells her that he’s going to marry her, she smiles politely; when they kiss, she holds her braid out of the way. That is not a good sign. Later, Andi stops by Nick’s hotel room and he overthinks and rambles and breathes heavily. Nick feels lucky and says he can’t wait to go grocery shopping with her. Nick hands her a box of sand from their first date. Sand? Sand.

Andi’s Choice: Andi feels passionately about Nick, but she also feels strongly about Josh. The men are nervous, and to prove this, the cameramen take a lot of photos of them staring moodily off into the middle distance. Then Neil Lane shows up to blow his annual promotional budget. Josh picks out an enormous rock.

The Drama: Then it is Nick’s turn. There’s a knock on the door, but it’s not Neil Lane. It’s Andi. The live-studio audience gasps. Chris polls the imported Bachelor/ette detritus about what it all means. Claire, who was loudly dumped by Juan Pablo Galavis, wishes that someone would have come to her door. Drew, who was abandoned by Desiree Hartsock, sadly reveals that it took him months to understand what had happened to him. In short: Andi’s arrival at Nick’s door is bad news for Nick.

The Big Talk: Andi tells Nick that she woke up this morning and just didn’t feel it. Something isn’t right, and she can’t go through with it. Nick is hyperventilating again and Andi joins him. Nick isn’t processing it. She apologizes a lot. Nick accuses her of “taking it too far” and wishing that she hadn’t said or done certain things. Then he takes his box of sand and goes home. But before he goes, he throws all of the roses he was going to scrapbook into the trash. Nick tears up in the limo, because he was in love. The studio audience cries with him. It rains as Andi thinks about what she’s done.

Josh and Andi Sitting in a Tree: At the final rose ceremony, Andi is bubbling out of her skin in excitement, which sounds like a special effect from a Guillermo del Toro movie, but isn’t that gross. Josh comes to find her and immediately launches into a well-prepared speech about how much he loves her. After pretending she was on the fence, she tells him she loves him and has loved him since the moment she first laid eyes on him. He drops to one knee and proposes. She says yes and kisses him while staring at the enormous Neil Lane diamond behind his back.

After the Final Rose: Nick wanders the streets of Wisconsin, heartbroken. He makes a decision and decides to go full creeper. He flies to L.A. to try and talk to Andi before the Men-Tell-All special. He has a heart to heart with Chris Harrison, who takes his message to Andi. She negs him and refuses to grant him an audience. Presumably that’s when Nick grabs a stereo and plays Elvis Costello’s stalker anthem “I Want You” outside Andi’s dressing-room window until the ABC security guards drag him away. Chris tells Andi that this was the second time Nick tried to see her and hands Andi a letter from Nick and suggests she read it (the “before we apply for a restraining order” is implied).

In the Studio: On stage with Chris, Nick blames Andi for giving him false hope and imbuing him with confidence. Nick swears that he likes Josh, stops to dry a tear and says he’ll always wonder about what he could have had with Andi. Chris reminds him that Andi can’t avoid him anymore. She comes out looking very guarded (or like she was wearing extreme Spanx). Nick’s hands shake as he pouts that Andi hurt him. She apologizes. He keeps talking about how hurt he is until he finally goes dark pointing out that if she didn’t love she shouldn’t have “made love” to him. Nick thought she did “fiancée kinds of things” in the Fantasy Suite, which is not a metaphor I am willing to unpack. (She made dinner for his unappreciative college friends?) Also, Nick: what happens in the Fantasy Suites, stays in the Fantasy Suites. Andi is not impressed with that one (Josh probably isn’t either). She tells Nick that she did care about him and that’s why she didn’t let him propose. She tried to be respectful. Chris calls the round after that, but the producers won’t let viewers pick it as “The Bachelorette Most Bleachable Moment.” Instead we are treated to a different awkward Nick moment from earlier in the season. Thanks a lot, Clorox.

The Sweet Ever After: The second Nick leaves and Josh joins Andi on stage, she starts to shine. They giggle, they tease, they hold hands and legs and knees and seem genuinely in love. Josh declares that the show works and to prove that, they randomly bring out Grumpy Cat. Because they can. Viva la Bachelorette!

MORE: It’s the Bachelorette Finale: Will Andi Pick Josh or Nick?

MORE: Bachelorette Watch: 11 Things We Learned When the Men Tell All

TIME Television

It’s The Bachelorette Finale: Will Andi Pick Josh or Nick?

CHRIS HARRISON, ANDI DORFMAN
THE BACHELORETTE - "Episode 1010" --Season Finale Javier Pesquera—ABC

Plus, watch a sneak peek of Andi's family meeting Nick and Josh

The Bachelorette‘s journey to love ends Monday night. If all goes according to script, over the course of the three-hour Bachelorette event, Andi Dorfman will end up with a strapping young gentleman kneeling before her, slipping a giant Neil Lane diamond ring on her finger. Not only will it be a great promotional moment for Neil Lane jewelers, but it will also be the crowning moment for the sultry Atlanta district attorney who started her fairy tale in the nightmare of sharing a fantasy suite with Bachelor Juan Pablo Galavis.

After meeting a herd of producer-approved, gelled, bronzed and after-shaved bachelors, Andi has sorted, whittled, honed and thinned her flock of eligible life mates down to two possibilities: Nick V. and Josh M.

Nick V. is a software salesman from Wisconsin with an extremely large family, a predilection for poetry and a love of accent scarves. He wasn’t on The Bachelorette to make friends and proved that again and again. He did catch Andi’s eye early on, though, winning the coveted First Impression rose and sneaking many a quiet make out sessions with Andi. In his profile on ABC.com, he lists Dumb & Dumber among his favorite movies and says that “to feed off other’s [sic.] people’s energy is intense.”

Josh, a former pro baseball player, told ABC that if he was stranded on a desert island he would bring “a woman to be with and to have company, a gun to easily kill animals to eat, and a knife to carve them up,” which sounds delightful if you’re into that sort of thing and like a deleted scene from Silence of the Lambs if you’re not. Still, he and Andi — who has been known to take dates to target practice — have an unmistakable chemistry. Andi has already admitted that Josh is her type and since she liked his family, there isn’t much left in the “con” column. Plus, they are from the same part of the country. Long distances have been the death-knell for many a Bachelor-initiated relationship, but their Southern roots would eliminate that particular stressor. Also, he wears a size 13 shoe. (Just saying.)

So who will take the title? We’re Team Marquel, but as Andi already ditched him (and he was cast in forthcoming reality TV atrocity, Bachelor in Paradise), our money is on Josh.

Watch Josh sweat when he meets Andi’s family:

 

Watch Nick try to win Andi’s father’s blessing to wed his beloved daughter:

 

MORE: RECAP: The Bachelorette Watch: Three’s a Crowd in a Fantasy Suite

MORE: The Bachelorette Watch: 11 Things We Learned When the Men Tell All

TIME animals

Scaredy Cat So Freaked By The Outdoors He Tries To Hide In Stranger’s Bag [VIDEO]

It's the great indoors for this cat

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They call it the great outdoors, but when you’re a house cat who has never stepped foot outside before, it may not seem so great.

Take the cat in this video making the rounds on the web this morning. The cat’s owner thought it would be nice to take the pet for a walk in the fresh air. The owner hooked his furry friend up to a leash and took him outside for the first time ever. Instead of being overjoyed at his first foray into the open, the cat is overwhelmed to the point of agoraphobic. His first instinct appears to be to impersonate an ostrich, burying his head, not in the sand, but in a passing stranger’s handbag.

Some cats are just meant to be avid indoorsmen.

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TIME Television

RECAP: Sunrise, Sunset and Everything in Between on True Blood

HBO

Karma, man

Eric has decimated the hordes of hit men on his tail, but cuts his rampage short when he sees that the Yakanomo thugs have Pam in silver chains and a gun to her head. Still dressed in their Texas Republican fundraiser finery, they are taken captive and the Yakanomo thugs tie them up to wait for sunrise. It’s their first sunrise together, which would be sweet except for the fact that the sun will kill them. On the plus side, as Pam notes the room does have wall-to-wall carpeting. Before the sun can turn them to dust, Gus Jr., the head of the Yakanomo Corp., wants a little information on the whereabouts of Sarah Newlin — after all, she destroyed his company. As Eric and Pam sizzle in the sunlight, they make a deal with the Yakanomo devil to help him track down Sarah — but only if Eric gets to kill the “bobblehead blonde” himself. With a deal struck, Eric and Pam tell the Yakanomo boss about Sarah’s vampire sister, Amber.

At Amber’s house, Sarah is busily trying to make amends with her sister. Unfortunately her sister wants her dead, but passes out from her Hep V symptoms before she can do Sarah in. Amber wishes she were dead, though, when she awakes to find Sarah prattling on endlessly about finding her new path via an ashram in the hills above Los Angeles. Just as Amber’s about to fang her, Sarah tells Amber that while she was fleeing Vamp Camp, she chugged the cure to Hep V and her blood can heal her.

When Eric and Pam show up with the Yakanomo thugs in tow, they find that Amber’s home and healed. They have a few questions.

Meanwhile, Bill, who discovered the tell-tale curl of Hep V–blackened vein making its way up his chest last week, wants to get his affairs in order. While he is making arrangements to see a lawyer, Jessica overhears his diagnosis. When he says goodbye before leaving for the lawyer’s office, she doesn’t tell him that she caught James naked wrestling with Lafayette, and he doesn’t tell her about his diagnosis.

Over at Lafayette’s house, both Lettie Mae and James need a place to crash. When Lafayette warns Lettie Mae from even thinking about taking a cleaver to James while he sleeps, James offers up his blood. He believes drugs can help elevate the psyche to another plane and maybe they really can find Tara. Lafayatte shakes his head at the whole affair, but agrees to chaperone Lettie Mae on her V trip. Together they enter another realm and find Tara on a white cross with a Burmese python racking up some IMDb credits. They help her off the cross, and she runs. They follow her to her childhood home, where she hunkers down and digs in the dirt. As they are looking for answers, the reverend wakes them up and gives Lettie Mae an ultimatum: him or the V. She chooses Tara, and she and Lafayette head out to their old house to try and figure out what Tara wants them to find.

Sam finds Nicole on the phone with mommy. She is leaving and taking the baby. She wants Sam to come with her, because she alone has realized that Bon Temps is Crazy Town. He points out that he is the Mayor of Crazy Town, and it’s his home. He doesn’t want her to leave, but he’s definitely not going.

After knocking boots and other bits with Jessica, Jason is braced for the worst with Violet. Instead, he’s surprised to find his living room strewn with rose petals and his vampire lady in her finest agent provocateur, angling for seduction. Violet thinks she’s won Jason back, but when Jessica calls for help, Jason runs out the door and Violet rages in his wake.

Bill walks into his lawyer’s office and finds something akin to the Beetlejuice waiting room in the afterlife. The receptionist estimates a five to seven hour wait time, as every vampire with a Hep V diagnosis is trying to get their affairs in order too. While Bill waits, Jessica makes Jason fetch Sookie, who is not answering her phone. Jason hauls Sookie out of her bed, where she is still mourning the loss of Alcide and probably sleeping off a tequila hangover from his wake. Jason takes her to Jessica, who breaks the the bad news to them. While Jason doesn’t believe it, because Bill was a vampire god just a few months ago, Sookie wants to get tested. She got sprayed with Hep V blood during one of the brawls and gave Bill blood, and she thinks she may have inadvertently infected her beloved Bill with the deadly virus. As Bill sits in the waiting room, his Hep V goes haywire, spreading through his veins at an advanced clip. After hitting the clinic, Sookie finds out that she is positive for the virus. She sits quietly in the back of a pickup truck, brown-bagging a beer with her brother.

As the virus spreads through Bill’s body, his lawyer tells him that due to vampire discrimination, they have few choices for his estate. However, he can adopt Jessica if he wants to leave her his property. The process will only take six to 12 months, unless Bill wants to fork over $10 million to bump himself to the front of the line. He kills her instead and heads out the front door. Lawyers, man. Back at the Compton residence, Sookie breaks the news to Jessica. Bill walks in to find them comforting each other.

Sheriff Andy catches Holly’s son Wade — his soon-to-be stepson — naked on top of his daughter, Adilyn. He understandably flips out and chases Wade naked out the front door. Holly does not approve of Andy’s handling of the situation. Arlene mediates their disagreement and encourages them to go talk to their children instead of screaming at each other. Unfortunately the kids have run off together, because they are in love and want to be alone.

Jason comes home to find that Violet has left him. He’s thrilled. Violet has a plan, though. She tracks Adilyn’s fairy scent into the woods and finds her and Wade making out in a treehouse. She kindly offers her own home to the young couple, suggesting that they ditch their cell phones if they don’t want to be tracked. They thank her for her generosity and follow her into the night.

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