TIME Television

The Bachelorette Finale: Did Kaitlyn Choose Nick or Shawn?

KAITLYN BRISTOWE
Rick Rowell—ABC

Happily ever after?

Tonight Kaitlyn’s journey on The Bachelorette draws to a close, and as the preshow prompter asks, “Will Kaitlyn choose jealous Shawn or passionate, intense Nick,” which makes both of them sound like total duds. Will the show end in a proposal? A double dumping? Will she pull a Mesnick? Or some new iteration? Let’s find out.

Here’s what happened on The Bachelorette:

Kaitlyn’s Family Time: Kaitlyn meets her family in some anonymous mansion in a sunny clime. She tells her family that she’s in love, but admits in the interview that she may be in love with two men. She also told her family that the two finalists really hate each other and that she hooked up Nick. (Who tells their parents that?) While Kaitlyn begs her family to ignore everything they know about Nick from his last appearance on The Bachelorette, her wise mother Leslie pointed out that she shouldn’t have to completely discount her opinion of Nick from his time on Andi’s season, because it was a thing that happened.

Nick Meets the Family: Nick kindly/smartly brings wine and flowers to meet Kaitlyn’s happily blended family. First question out of Leslie’s mouth: Why are you here, Nick? Leslie should be fast-tracked to sainthood. Over lunch at some mystery mansion (it’s a rental, and I have the press release to prove it) Leslie admits that her opinion of Nick was not very flattering, which is when the producers cut to Kaitlyn saying that if her mother doesn’t like a guy, she’s out. For her one on one with Nick, Leslie strings together a group of unflattering adjectives about his behavior with Andi, and Nick just nods and smiles and says he loves Kaitlyn and only came on the show for her. Then he says about Kaitlyn, “It’s hard for her to open up” — and the fact that he said that with a straight face is a testament to Botox. Then Nick starts crying while asking Leslie for her daughter’s hand in marriage. And just like that, Leslie is Team Nick. Moms are silly like that. Kaitlyn’s sister Haley (Hailey? Halley? Halee?) just hopes that Nick is there for the right reasons, a line she was probably waiting the entire season to say.

Shawn Meets the Family: Shawn shows up to the rental in a button-up shirt that truly impresses Leslie, but despite his tucked-in shirt, she has a few questions for him. Specifically, she wants to know how Shawn is dealing with the fact that Kaitlyn and Nick hooked up. She wants to know how he will deal with jealousy in the outside world, because he didn’t do such a great job on the show. Shawn delivers some squishy answers and just keeps saying that he acted like that just because his feelings for Kaitlyn are so strong, which sounds like the noise a giant red flag makes when it’s waving over someone’s oversize head. For some reason, Kaitlyn’s sister Haley has decided that she’s fully Team Shawn. She claims it’s because she thinks Kaitlyn is good with him, but really it’s because she saw the last episode and knows that Shawn wears Spanx.

Bachelorette Milestone: Kaitlyn stares off into the middle distance before her final date with Nick.

Nick’s Final Date: Kaitlyn and Nick float their boat and stare into each others’ eyes and talk about how great it is that they are where they are. Presumably the editors cut the part where they wonder why they are on a catamaran off the coast of California instead of in Bali or Thailand or the Pearl Islands. What happened to your travel budget, show? As Kaitlyn gets ready for her dinner date, she tells that camera that “He goes there,” and there is no interest in finding out if that’s a euphemism. Nick shows up for their dinner in a fugly striped shirt unbuttoned to his nipple line and Kaitlyn takes a long sip of wine as she starts to question her taste in men. They head to the Fantasy Suite and Nick tells Kaitlyn that he has a present for her in the bedroom. Um, she already unwrapped that present and told her mom about it, Nick. Turns out it wasn’t that, but a poem. Why do so many Bachelorette contestants all insist on writing poems? Just buy her some Chipotle and give her a back massage, you weirdos. Kaitlyn tells the camera that she is in love with Nick.

Shawn’s Final Date: The happy couple canoodles in a winery, and Shawn casually asks her, “What else is going on?” And instead of talking about the Iran deal and the implications for Israel or an ingrown hair on her tush, Kaitlyn shrugs, “Nothing.” Then they stare awkwardly at each other for way too long. The uncomfortable date made Shawn question his relationship status, so for their final date, they just hang out on the couch in Shawn’s executive suite at the Long Beach Airport Marriott or wherever they stuck him. Kaitlyn interviews that “it was all her fault” that the date when badly. Don’t blame yourself, Kaitlyn, Shawn is needy and anxious. Shawn presents Kaitlyn with a jar full of memories and they laugh at all that time they spent in San Antonio. Based on the bleak edit Shawn is getting, Kaitlyn will probably choose him, so it’s good that Shawn can’t wait to propose to Kaitlyn.

Bachelorette Milestone: Kaitlyn cries to the camera over the fact that she knows she is going to break someone’s heart tomorrow. It kills her to say good-bye to someone who doesn’t see it coming.

The Rings: Neil Lane shows up for his annual appearance with a case of diamond rings in tow. Shawn picks a massive square-cut diamond. Nick is really convinced that Kaitlyn is going to pull an Andi and show up at his door and tell him to go home. Instead, it’s just Neil Lane. Nick hugs him in glee and then chirpily tells him that he picked a ring before, but then got jilted, which is not exactly something to brag about. Then he tells Neil about the claddagh rings they got in Ireland and Neil shrugs, “That’s nice. Want to look at some real rings, chucklehead?”

The Limo Ride: The camera cuts back and forth between Nick and Shawn making anxious faces, twisting their hands nervously, staring at the massive diamond rings someone just handed them.

The Arrivals: First to arrive at the mansion is Nick, which does not bode well for his future with Kaitlyn. Nick delivers his whole spiel, telling her how much he loves her and wants to spend his life with her. She lets him roll, but kindly cuts him off before he drops to one knee. She looks like she is going to pass out before she utters two fatal words: “I’m sorry.” While she promised Nick that she wouldn’t let it get to this point, she totally did. (Oops?) She tells him that she needed every moment to make the decision, but he’s not impressed. He loved her. She claims that she feels the same, but he stops her, “No, you don’t. If you did you would have a ring on your finger right now.” He coldly tells her, “You don’t love me.” In short: he’s out. That makes him 0-2 for The Bachelorette. Think he’ll go for a third or just start tweeting at the other former Bachelor runner-ups? Wonder what Becca is up to these days …

The Proposal: So it turns out that Kaitlyn’s Snapchat was not a red herring. She wants to spend her life (a.k.a. the next six months until the contract is up) waking up to stare into the face of a guy who looks like Ryan Gosling, if Ryan Gosling got hit in the face with that shovel that sounds like Nirvana. Kaitlyn has pulled herself together (although her hair needs a fluffer) and beams at Shawn as he approaches her. He delivers a heartfelt speech about how much he loves her. She reminds him that she gave him the First Impression Rose and never looked back. She finally tells him that she loves him with all her heart and will love him forever (or six months, which ever comes first). He proposes, she pins a rose on him, and tell the world that they are in love. For now.

After the Final Rose: For some reason, Nick’s little sister is in the audience to watch him suffer at the hands of Chris Harrison and Kaitlyn. Hopefully she’ll leap from the stage and demand answers from Kaitlyn about why she lied about seeing her as a future sister. Nick finally explains that he and Kaitlyn had a relationship that pre-existed The Bachelorette. He came on the show to prove his feelings were real and was hurt by her rejection, but has grown, much like his beard. Chris Harrison asks Nick and Shawn if they want to hug it out — turns out they don’t.

Kaitlyn and Nick: At the last After the Final Rose, Nick asked Andi why she slept with him if she didn’t love him. This time, he wants to know why Kaitlyn told him she loved him, but then chose Shawn. She tells him that she did love him, but she just didn’t love him as much as she loved Shawn. Ouch. That honest enough for you, Nick? Nick also wonders why Kaitlyn didn’t send him home earlier, but she doesn’t have as pithy of an answer, shrugging that she wanted him to look good?

Kaitlyn and Shawn: Kaitlyn said it feels like Christmas to come out as a couple, because now they can share Spanx. Shawn is thrilled to finally be out in the open, because he can’t wait to defend his woman against the cyberbullies. Then they make out on the couch for an awkwardly long time. Awww?

TIME viral

This Compilation Of Babies and Dogs Playing Tug of War Will Totally Melt Your Heart

Puppies and babies play hard

There are many instances of dogs and babies helping each other out whether it’s a pup alerting a family to an abusive babysitter, a dog teaching a baby how to crawl or even helping change a baby’s diaper.

But for every instance of cooperation there’s another of inter-species competition. This adorable compilation, put together by YouTube channel CrazyFunStuffCFS, shows that even when babies and dogs go head to head battling for a toy, they can still melt your heart. Get ready to be delighted.

TIME Television

HBO Is Toying With Us Over Jon Snow’s Fate

Spoiler alert, as always

HBO just added fuel to the fire in the debate over Jon Snow’s fate on Game of Thrones.

As Pedestrian reports, HBO recently sent out a press release promoting a sale of their latest collection of toys. While that is not particularly newsworthy the collection is called the “Honor The Fallen: The Memoriam Collection” and features several beloved characters all killed before their time by the cruel hand of author George R. R. Martin and the writers of the HBO series, including Robb Stark, Khal Drogo, The Hound, Ned Stark, Oberyn Martell and the less beloved Joffrey Lannister.

However there is one character noticeably absent from the toys of the dead (a concept that is suitably dark for the HBO series) — Jon Snow. The character, played by Kit Harington, died at the hands of his Watcher brethren and has had the internet buzzing with conspiracy theories since the scene aired in June. Yet he is not featured in the Memoriam Collection. Could that mean that he’s not actually dead? Or is HBO just prolonging its torture of fans like it’s been reading from the Ramsay Snow playbook?

This is hardly the first instance of speculation that Jon Snow could be returning to the show. Rumors circulated when Harington showed up at the Wimbledon tennis championship sporting Snow’s trademark shoulder-length hair and again when he was spotted in Belfast where Game of Thrones is filming.

Plus, in the words of A Song of Ice and Fire creator Martin: “If there’s one thing we know in A Song of Ice and Fire is that death is not necessarily permanent.”

 

TIME viral

Watch Katniss and Jon Snow Face Off in ‘The Hunger Game of Thrones’

It's Jon Snow versus Katniss Everdeen

Katniss Everdeen may have faced down President Snow in The Hunger Games trilogy, but she’s never faced down Jon Snow — until now.

A new mashup has Jennifer Lawrence’s fearless bowed heroine facing off against Kit Harington’s sword wielding Game of Thrones character and it’s clear that Winter is Coming to Panem.

In the video, Katniss issues a call to arms against Jon Snow urging her followers to fight against Snow’s forces. Meanwhile, Snow is holed up in the North ready to face down the rising darkness from Beyond the Wall or the wildlings of District 12.

In the clip from YouTube creator David Elmaleh, Katniss intones, “Nothing good is safe while Snow is alive,” but the question is: if Katniss does manage to kill him, will Snow stay dead?

TIME Television

Watch John Oliver Demand an End to Mandatory Minimum Sentencing Laws

Oliver believes that they have done "way more harm than good"

On Last Week Tonight, John Oliver drew attention to the fact that U.S. President Barack Obama commuted the sentences of 46 non-violent drug offenders, a move that John Oliver considers “the criminal justice version of Top Chef: Last Chance Kitchen” without the risk of “disappointing Padma with your risotto.”

The prisoners were all incarcerated under mandatory minimum sentencing laws, which require typically harsh sentences regardless of the context of each crime. Oliver believes that these laws are remnants of the war on drugs put in place by the Bush and Reagan administrations and, according to Oliver, they are responsible for the explosion in the U.S. prison population with non-violent drug offenders stuck in prison for decades with no chance of parole.

As an example, Oliver showed a clip from the documentary The House I Live In, featuring a prisoner who was sentenced to life in prison without a chance of parole for carrying three ounces of methamphetamine. In Oliver’s terminology, they were treating the prisoner like “season five Walter White when he was barely season one Jesse Pinkman.” Another prisoner was a non-violent first-time offender who sold a small amount of marijuana to an undercover agent and was slapped with a 55-year sentence without parole for selling a drug which is now legal in four states and, according to Oliver, “has the side effect of making episodes of Frasier slightly funnier.”

Oliver believes that these mandatory minimum sentencing laws have done “way more harm than good,” especially because they tend to affect black and Hispanic populations the most. Additionally, many mandatory minimum sentences have been changed, but those changes have not been applied retroactively, something Oliver finds abhorrent.

TIME Viral Videos

Watch This Guy Explode A Water Balloon Suit In Slow Motion

Mesmerizing

If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to sit inside a giant water balloon and then pop it, The Slow Mo Guys have a video for you.

In the video, Dan, half of the team, wiggles his way into a six-foot balloon that is slowly filling with water. As more and more of his body disappears into it, the other of the team, Gav, handles the camera and makes suggestions as to what he looks like (“a slug!” “Jabba the Hutt!” “an adult-sized womb!”) teasing him until the balloon finally pops.

Watch the massive balloon pop in glorious slow motion.

Read next: Here’s What Happens When You Boil an iPhone 6 in Coca-Cola

Download TIME’s mobile app for iOS to have your world explained wherever you go

TIME food and drink

This Alcoholic Root Beer Might Be Your New Favorite Summer Drink

not your fathers root beer
Small Town Brewery

Classic root beer taste, with a bit of a buzz

While Homer Simpson and the citizens of Springfield (and soon, Simpsons fans far outside the fictional town) may prefer to drink Duff Beer, there’s a new kind of beer sweeping the rest of the nation: boozy root beer.

The drink is exactly what it sounds like—classic root beer flavor with an alcoholic twist. While a DIY version of the concoction can be found in bars across the country, Not Your Father’s Root Beer, from Small Town Brewery in Wauconda, Ill. is leading the charge on the retail front. According to Bloomberg, their success is due in part to their purchase by a group of investors that included the Chief Executive Officer of Pabst Brewery and a subsequent distribution deal, but also to their magic formula of creating a new product with a familiar taste. They are clearly on to something, too, because the still hard-to-find product has a FaceBook fan page and Twitter is filled with people looking for places to purchase, boasting about drinking it and offering sampling parties.

The root beer features a familiar blend of sassafras bark, vanilla, anise, wintergreen, and handfuls of additional spices that give it the nostalgic flavor, but with enough alcohol (5.9%) to give you a good buzz.

TIME Television

The Bachelorette Recap: All About Bromance, Bullying and Bachelor in Paradise

The Bachelorette used the opportunity to take a strong stance against cyberbullying.

Tonight on The Bachelorette, the men told all, but really said nothing. These peeks behind the gilded curtains of the show are an interesting look at the behind-the-scenes drama complete with feuds, grudges, and chips for dips’ shoulders. It’s a riotous two hours of half-remembered faces shouting about unmemorable tiffs that mostly exist just to kill time until the finale. But in age-old Bachelorette tradition, it ain’t over until there’s a lot of shouting.

Here’s what happened when the men told all on The Bachelorette:

Bachelor in Paradise Is Coming: Gird your loins, because an all new season of Bachelor in Paradise starts soon, and the only things you need to know are that the promo features Claire and her raccoon friend and Ashley I. saying: “Jared’s definitely hot enough to be my first.” The entire concept is so devious, according to one savvy tweeter, only Donald Trump could have come up with it:

Ian Begs Princeton for Forgiveness: After presumably getting bumped from the cover of Princeton’s alumni magazine, Ian showed up to beg for forgiveness from his Bachelorette brethren, America and the Princeton alumni association. While Ian took to bended knee to apologize for his rude behavior, the men couldn’t help but pillory him with Tanner—who was apparently on the show long enough to get sick of hearing Ian prattle about Princeton — going so far as to suggest that Princeton teach a class on “how not to be an a–hole.” The only person to come to Ian’s defense was investment banker Corey, who claims to agree with the spirit of Ian’s speech to Kaitlyn, if not the delivery, which leads Ben H. to spring into action and ask Corey, “How many weeks were you there?” Exactly. After Ian apologized for his un–Ivy League behavior, a few men from lesser colleges came to hug him, probably in an attempt to rub him for luck getting into Ivy League graduate programs.

The Great Clint and J.J. Bromance: Clint, the engineer who looks like a C-list Thor, started his reputation-redemption tour by assuring the audience that he is “a straight man.” The producers couldn’t help but cut to J.J. for a reaction shot, but there really wasn’t one. When not being an egotistical monster with fake Hemsworth hair, Clint can make some good points, like when he scolded Josh (the welder who let Kaitlyn cut exactly half of his hair) for valuing his own opinions about who Kaitlyn should date over her own and, more charmingly, Clint called the limo that ousted contestants take on the long ride to the airport “the depression mobile.” And then there was the whole J.J.-Clint bromance, which was so clearly patched together by bored producers and aided and abetted by the two chuckleheads at the center of the action. J.J. swore there was “a lot of meat to that relationship,” which may or may not be euphemism. They were just two guys who were intellectually curious about each other, O.K.?

Kupah Kares: Kupah has a lot of lingering feelings about the fact that Kaitlyn invited Nick onto the show – even though it happened weeks after Kupah was sent home.

Ben Z. in the Hot Seat: While The Bachelorette has a lot of fun and games and roses, turns out that Ben didn’t really think it was fun or a game to have to give a eulogy to Kaitlyn so soon after his own mother’s death. That said, he still hasn’t cried over his mother or the fake death of his fake girlfriend.

Jared in the Hot Seat: Chris Harrison doesn’t think Jared is over Kaitlyn, but when he asks, Jared plays it cool saying, “I am moving on. I am excited to see her and it will be hard to see her.” The best way to move on from a reality-TV girlfriend? Another reality-TV girlfriend this time on Bachelor in Paradise.

Ben H. in the Hot Seat: Poor Ben H. Turns out that if he had skipped just one shower he could have been a contender. Apparently ,when they were in San Antonio, a.k.a. the Romance Capital of Western Bexar County, Ben and Shawn were roomies and Kaitlyn came to pay them a visit. When Ben H. opted for personal hygiene instead of interpersonal hijinx, Kaitlyn told Shawn he was “the one” and Ben H. never had a chance. Hope it was a good shower, at least!

Kaitlyn in the Hot Seat: The men have a few questions for their collective ex-girlfriend. Jonathan wants to know why Kaitlyn decided to bring Nick onto the show, and she shuts him down — very sweetly — by reminding him that he voted for Britt. Ben H. wants to know why she told Shawn about sleeping with Nick, but not him. She apologized, but basically she just was more into Shawn and wanted him to know the truth. Jared wants to know if their much-discussed “road trip” was a euphemism for anything, and she winked at him and said no. More or less, anyway. Kaitlyn cut off any more debate by saying: “You guys, try and date this many people at one time and don’t make a mistake and have it all televised. I dare you. It’s hard.”

Just Say No to Cyber-Slut-Shaming: Kaitlyn is the first Bachelorette in Bachelorette history to be very overt in her sexuality, and because of that she has been getting death threats. Seriously. Death threats for admitting to having sex with a guy she was dating. Chris Harrison decides to use the illustrious forum of The Men Tell All to make a serious point about cyberbullying. He reads aloud some of the more disturbing tweets Kaitlyn has received — and they are some doozies (primarily sent by people who don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re.” Kaitlyn looked suitably horrified at the NSFW comments sent to her and the audience is stunned into complete silence, until a girl in the crowd yells, “We still love you!” and the audience and her former suitors give her a standing ovation. Then Chris Harrison kindly tells her: “I will take you as a role model for my kids over anybody who would be a cyberbully and spew that kind of hate.”

Worst Thing About the Show: Not enough Tony the Healer. How’s he doing? Has he found peace? Where are his plants?

Best Blooper: If you can’t make it to the theater to see Amy Schumer in Trainwreck, just watch this clip on a loop until the movie comes out on Netflix.

Read next: 6 Streaming Packages That Will Let You Cut the Cord For Good

Download TIME’s mobile app for iOS to have your world explained wherever you go

TIME animals

Watch What Happens When Cats and Dogs Interrupt Yoga Routines

Downward dog gets literal

As yoga becomes more and more popular, enthusiasts have made sure to extend their practice from the yoga studio to the studio apartment. But at-home yoga practice means an audience, especially of the feline and canine varieties.

The compilation above shows many a yoga routine getting interrupted. And it really never gets old watching a dog rush to the aid of his owner trapped in a headstand or for a a pet to think pigeon pose is an invitation for kisses. There’s also the cat that thinks the tree position is something to climb on. Namaste.

TIME viral

Miss Piggy Covers Rihanna’s ‘Bitch Better Have My Money’ and It Is So Right

Bad Girl Piggy meets Bad Girl RiRi

Mash-ups featuring The Muppets doing hip-hop classics is nothing new. There was Rowlf doing Biz Markie’s “Just A Friend”, the Beastie Boys cover and Gonzo singing “The Humpty Dance,” but none have felt quite as perfect as the latest iteration featuring Miss Piggy singing Rihanna’s “Bitch Better Have My Money.” (Only Dr. Teeth getting in touch with his inner ODB for “Shimmy Shimmy Ya” came close to this phenomenon before.)

Vulture has teamed up with Mylo the Cat, the mastermind behind the playful mashups, and in the latest video, avowed feminist Miss Piggy seems to lip sync to Rihanna’s brash, bad-girl anthem. If there was any doubt that Miss Piggy would ever stand for not getting her due, this video does away with that notion in fine style. Miss Piggy and her Moi First attitude is always gonna get paid.

 

Your browser is out of date. Please update your browser at http://update.microsoft.com