Why Kids Need More Empathy

“What trait do kids really need to be happy and successful?” Over the years, hundreds of parents have asked me that question. My answer surprises most: empathy. More than acing tests or earning fancy degrees, kids–and adults–who understand and appreciate the people around them are better able to collaborate, innovate and problem-solve. Studies show they’re happier too.

Unfortunately, in America, we have a serious empathy deficit. I call it the “Selfie Syndrome.” Thanks in part to the rise of social media, as well as changes in our culture and parenting styles, today’s kids are more self-absorbed than ever; one study estimates narcissism rates among college students are up 58% versus three decades ago. And this has given rise to a culture of bullying, cheating and unhappiness. One in five middle-school students contemplates suicide as a solution to peer cruelty, 70% of college kids admit to cheating in class, and one-third of all college students report having felt so depressed that they had trouble functioning.

Cultivating empathy has traditionally been low on child-rearing to-do lists. (After all, when’s the last time you saw a bumper sticker that said Proud parent of a kind kid?) But we need to make it a priority, both at home and in schools. At stake if we don’t? Everything we hope for in our children’s future–and our own.

Borba is an educational psychologist and author of UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World