7 Totally Unexpected ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Products

The hotly anticipated film adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey hits theaters Valentine’s Day weekend. And with some box office analysts expecting a big opening weekend, it should be no surprise that different brands (beyond the obvious) want in on the action. From teddy bears to laundry detergent, here are the most unexpected products itching to be a part of the Fifty Shades phenomenon.

Teddy Bear

“If you want to dominate Valentine’s Day” (Get it? GET IT?) then the Vermont Teddy Bear company has just the stuffed toy for you. This suited-up Christian Grey comes complete with handcuffs, a tie, an eye mask and “smoldering grey eyes.” Teddy Ruxpin doesn’t look so terrifying anymore, does he?

Wine

Does your palate lean more toward “red satin” or “white silk” ? This E L James-approved wine costs $18 per bottle.

Fifty Shades of Chicken

And what compliments your wine better than a submissive slice of chicken? This cookbook — attributed to F. L. Fowler — teaches you how to tie up a chicken in every way imaginable. Recipes include Dripping Thighs, Learning to Truss You, Erect Chicken and other foul-sounding fowl.

More: These Were the Hardest Scenes to Shoot for the Stars of Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Kale

Similar concept, different leading lady. And you thought kale was a part of a “clean” diet.

Laundry Detergent

Surf has dubbed this cleanser its “naughtiest fragrance yet,” but it might be the only laundry detergent that markets itself as getting things dirtier.

Nail Polish

The special collection by OPI is somehow only available in six different shades.

More: How the Notorious Red Room Was Built in the Fifty Shades of Grey Movie

Fine Jewelry

Jewelry designer Janet Cadsawan got the go-ahead from author E L James to make a limited edition Fifty Shades jewelry line. “Her genius for fusing fantasy with fashion climaxes in every piece,” the website boasts. For $135, you can buy riding crop earrings.