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title: Rand Paul, Shush: A Guide for Politicians on How Not to Talk to Women
description: Calm down, let me finish.
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author: Charlotte Alter
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article:published_time: 2015-02-03T21:15:37.000Z
article:modified_time: 2026-05-11T04:42:41.179Z
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# Shhhh, Rand Paul: A Guide for Politicians on How Not to Talk to Women

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![Charlotte Alter](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blta4b2b4da8031e155/69876bb4f887dc2b28e88b0b/charlotte-alter.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1:1)

by 

[Charlotte Alter](https://time.com/author/charlotte-alter/)


![Charlotte Alter](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blta4b2b4da8031e155/69876bb4f887dc2b28e88b0b/charlotte-alter.jpg?branch=production&width=96&quality=75&auto=webp)

## Charlotte Alter


Senior Correspondent

Feb 3, 2015 9:15 PM UTC

![](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt927998b7998cff75/69877d48e53ababde34d75d7/rand-paul-shush.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=3:2)

![Charlotte Alter](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blta4b2b4da8031e155/69876bb4f887dc2b28e88b0b/charlotte-alter.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1:1)

by 

[Charlotte Alter](https://time.com/author/charlotte-alter/)


![Charlotte Alter](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blta4b2b4da8031e155/69876bb4f887dc2b28e88b0b/charlotte-alter.jpg?branch=production&width=96&quality=75&auto=webp)

## Charlotte Alter


Senior Correspondent

Feb 3, 2015 9:15 PM UTC

Most politicians know by now that making a major gaffe against women can lead to mocking on the feminist blogosphere and alienation of crucial female voters. That’s why the GOP even made a bunch of candidates sit through[ sensitivity training sessions](http://www.politico.com/story/2013/12/gop-men-tutored-in-running-against-women-100701.html) on how to run against women. But these days, it’s hard to know exactly what might irritate women, so what’s a guy to do?

No, no, shhhh, calm down, gentlemen, no need to get upset: here’s a handy cheat-sheet of 5 things male politicians should never say to women.

**1) “Sshhh”:** When Republican Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky [repeatedly shushed ](http://time.com/3693078/rand-paul-cnbc-interview/) CNBC’s _Closing Bell_ co-anchor Kelly Evans, it came off as obnoxious and condescending. Especially when he paired it with “calm down” and “let me finish” before mansplaining that “your premise and your question is \[sic\] mistaken.” Women too often feel shut out of public debate, so literally trying to quiet a woman tends to grate.

**2) “Attractive”:** Here’s a good rule: Only compliment a woman’s appearance if she’s in your family (as in “mom, you look pretty”) or you’re romantically involved. Otherwise, hold your tongue in public, even if you think you’re being nice. When President Obama called [Kamala Harris](http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/06/local/la-me-ln-obama-calling-kamala-harris-best-looking-divides-even-liberals-20130406) the “best-looking attorney general in the country” it came off as awkward, and when former Iowa Sen. Tom Harkin called now-Sen. Joni Ernst [“as good looking as Taylor Swift,”](http://time.com/3555239/joni-ernst-missed-the-real-problem-with-the-taylor-swift-comparison/) it made him look like a little weird.

3) **“Ugly as sin”:** If calling a woman politician attractive can come off as smarmy, calling her unattractive makes you look like a jerk. Republican New Hampshire lawmaker [Steve Vaillancourt called](http://latino.foxnews.com/latino/politics/2014/10/15/nh-lawmaker-says-democrat-congresswoman-too-ugly-to-beat-her-attractive-rival/) U.S. Rep. Ann McLane Kuster “ugly as sin” in comparison to her opponent, Marilinda Garcia, whom [he called ](http://www.nhinsider.com/rep-steve-vaillancourt/2014/10/10/if-looks-really-matter-where-does-that-leave-kustergarcia-ra.html)“not so attractive as to be intimidating, but truly attractive.” And when Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand of New York revealed that male colleagues had called her “porky” and “chubby,” it sparked a [near-witch hunt ](http://time.com/3210242/kirsten-gillibrand-porky/)to find the offenders in Congress.


4) **Her first name:** Using a female candidate’s first name instead of her title in a formal political context can come off as belittling. Just look at when Republican Thom Tillis debated then-Democratic Senator Kay Hagan for her North Carolina Senate seat. He [repeatedly called her “Kay,”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M95YPYZwjT4) instead of “Senator,” causing one state reporter [to say](http://www.charlottemagazine.com/Blogs/Poking-the-Hornets-Nest/September-2014/D-I-S-R-E-S-P-E-C-T/) he “stopped just short of calling her ‘little lady.'”

5) **Anything about being “likeable”:** Obama’s lame [quip](http://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2008/01/youre%5Flikable%5Fenough%5Fcosts%5Foba.html) that Hillary Clinton was “likeable enough” was another big gaffe from their 2008 face-off. (2016 Republicans, are you taking notes on this?) If you want people to like you, don’t talk about whether they’re likeable.

The bottom line: Treat women like other adult professionals, and you’ll be OK.

### Photos: On the Road with Rand Paul

![Senator Rand Paul](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt6dfca08c055a74b4/698760eae20a876013a827a6/rand-paul-1.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp)

Senator Rand Paul talks to voters at the Horry County Republican Party in Myrtle Beach, S.C. on Sept. 30th, 2014. Charles Ommanney for TIME


![Senator Rand Paul](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt734cfdc721b068fc/698760e92dce01d4b79daf1b/rand-paul-2.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp)

Senator Rand Paul talks with students at the University of South Carolina in Columbia, S.C. on Sept. 30th, 2014. Charles Ommanney for TIME

![Senator Rand Paul](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blta15477220ebc7786/698760ea06f2c1c8ef331641/rand-paul-3.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp)

Senator Rand Paul's boots are seen as he talks with students at the University of South Carolina in Columbia, S.C. on Sept. 30th, 2014. Charles Ommanney for TIME

![Senator Rand Paul](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt10e042ac3d752022/698760eb5f570facfcb12bc2/rand-paul-4.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp)

Senator Rand Paul bows his head in prayer before talking to voters at the Horry County Republican Party in Myrtle Beach, S.C. on Sept. 30th, 2014. Charles Ommanney for TIME


![Senator Rand Paul](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltfa2cd5375f137e68/698760ea524fc08392de9dd3/rand-paul-5.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp)

Senator Rand Paul and GOP Senatorial candidate Thom Tillis meet with diners at Big Ed's restaurant in Raleigh, N.C. on Oct. 1st, 2014. Charles Ommanney for TIME

![Senator Rand Paul](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltd67da104069c9239/698760ebe53aba60684d50a3/rand-paul-6.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp)

Senator Rand Paul attends a BBQ event at the Donnelly Barn in Bowling Green, Ky. on Oct. 12th, 2014. Charles Ommanney for TIME

![Senator Rand Paul](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt81a7ffe7f2f9953e/698760eb55a8590affa83405/rand-paul-7.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp)

In a back tent, Senator Paul manages to have five minutes alone to go over his speech at the Donnelly Barn in Bowling Green, Ky. on Oct. 12, 2014. Charles Ommanney for TIME


![Senator Rand Paul](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltd313205cfdd2aac4/698760ec35ba6f56eac0475e/rand-paul-8.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp)

Senator Rand Paul and Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell attend a BBQ event at the Donnelly Barn in Bowling Green, Ky. on Oct. 12th, 2014. Charles Ommanney for TIME

![Senator Rand Paul](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt65971eeef2666b6a/698760ebe53abafa6c4d50a7/rand-paul-9.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp)

Senator Rand Paul speaks at a BBQ event at the Donnelly Barn in Bowling Green, Ky. on Oct. 12th, 2014. Charles Ommanney for TIME

![Senator Rand Paul](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt3a99b3f516ec3ccc/698760ecf887dc5d02e8784f/rand-paul-10.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp)

The BBQ event's band at the Donnelly Barn in Bowling Green, Ky. on Oct. 12, 2014. Charles Ommanney for TIME

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