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Sarah Miller
Sarah Miller writes for The New Yorker, The Hairpin and other publications
Recent Articles
The Ballad of the Murderous Poet: A Bob Dylan Tale
Blonde on blonde crime
By Sarah Miller
October 14, 2016
OMG WTF
(Oh my god what true feminism)
By Sarah Miller
September 30, 2016
What Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Are Doing to Your Facebook Feed
In which the Brangelina divorce provides the perfect opening for a comment frenzy on... the election.
By Sarah Miller
September 20, 2016
'Anthony Weiner' Plans New Career With His Life Coach
Anthony Weiner walked into a life coach’s office. “Hello,” said the life coach, whose name was Tracy. “I guess you’re looking for something else to do with your life.” Anthony Weiner laughed. “I am just...
By Sarah Miller
August 31, 2016
'Says Who?' Thinking Is Ruining America
Americans are a suspicious and stubborn bunch
By Sarah Miller
August 19, 2016
'Old Shark' Comments on Old Age, Newfound Fame
When you’re as old as I am, well, once the introductions have been made—pleased to meet you, I am Old Shark, Ye Olde Sharke to my older friends—it’s important to address the rumors. First, no,...
By Sarah Miller
August 12, 2016
Exclusive Interview: The 'Baby' Who Cried During Trump Rally Speaks
'I started crying at the Trump rally in Virginia not because I am a baby, but because I am an American'
By Sarah Miller
August 4, 2016
This Is What It Would Look Like If We Treated Bill Clinton Like a First Lady
We are very close to having our first woman president, but let’s not forget that we’re quite possibly on the dawn of another monumental first. If Hillary Clinton wins in November, Bill Clinton will be...
By Sarah Miller
July 27, 2016
If Bernie Sanders' Staff Took Over Trump's Twitter Feed...
After Bernie Sanders endorsed Hillary Clinton for president, his campaign's social media managers found themselves looking for meaningful work. As it happened, one man was still running for president. After weeks of being implored to...
By Sarah Miller
July 13, 2016
I Was Taylor Swift's Fourth of July Photographer
An imagined account from America's newest most important documentarian
By Sarah Miller
July 7, 2016
Lord Grantham Reacts to Brexit Decision
'I am quite afraid I voted—and these are Mary’s words—like a peasant'
By Sarah Miller
June 27, 2016
Ken Speaks: 'I Will Always Love Barbie, No Matter Her Size'
'If you love Barbie like I love her, you have to let her change—because if you don't, the Elsa dolls have won'
By Sarah Miller
January 29, 2016
Why We Shouldn't Laugh at Those Dress-Up Victorians
We are all playing pretend about the world we live in
By Sarah Miller
September 14, 2015
Right Before the End of the Roman Empire the Citizens of Rome Had a Lengthy Debate Over the Color of a Toga
When a fellow American Photoshops not one but two llamas into a different color it means a conversation has ended. (One llama means things are winding down.)
By Sarah Miller
February 27, 2015
And the Award for Dumbest Hashtag Feminism Goes To...
Campaigns like #askhermore take fun out of a frivolous night while distracting from the real issues
By Sarah Miller
February 23, 2015
Uma and Renee: I'm 45. Do I Have To Get a New Face Now, Too?
Forgive us as we mourn a more innocent time when we all freaked out about Meg Ryan’s lips.
By Sarah Miller
February 11, 2015
Good Luck Outlawing Hard Liquor, Dartmouth
Here’s a better idea: require all college students, not just the poor ones, to work a part-time job
By Sarah Miller
January 30, 2015
Hey, That 'Moron' Who Did or Didn't Cancel School (or Close the Subway, or Shut Down the Roads) Is My Dad
It’s someone’s job to make those decisions, and they’re not easy to make
By Sarah Miller
January 27, 2015
Tina and Amy Just Showed Us the Right Way To Make a Rape Joke
If you’re going to make a rape joke, you’re going to also have to prove that you care
By Sarah Miller
January 13, 2015
5 Ways You Can Knowingly Destroy Your Husband And Kill Your Marriage
You might be surprised to figure out how easy it is to willfully make yourself unlovable
By Sarah Miller
December 14, 2014
Where Are All the Hacked Pics of Men?
From Scarlett Johansson to Jennifer Lawrence, the victims of hack attacks are almost never men—part of a bigger problem with sexist internet culture
By Sarah Miller
September 1, 2014
The Knee Defender Is Cheating—And Of Course Guys Love It
One person should not have the right to determine his own destiny while the rest of us suffer
By Sarah Miller
August 26, 2014
I Figured Out Why I Hate the Ice Bucket Challenge
I shudder to think what Americans look like dumping freezing cold water over our heads while so much of the world is plunged into acute suffering, and I can tell you exactly why
By Sarah Miller
August 26, 2014
We All Secretly Hope Jay and Bey Get Divorced
Call it crazy, but no longer in love—just like the typical married American
By Sarah Miller
August 8, 2014
'Lena Dunham' Congratulates 'Allison Williams' on 'Peter Pan'
When 'Girls' are cast as boys*
By Sarah Miller
July 30, 2014
I Really, Truly, Fully Hate 'Women Against Feminism'—But…
While the world should certainly have respect for feminism, I’d like to see feminism have a little more respect for chaos and ambiguity.
By Sarah Miller
July 24, 2014
Sarah Palin's 'The View' With Rosie and Whoopi: The Script
With Rosie O'Donnell reportedly set to join Whoopi Goldberg on 'The View,' Sarah Palin has offered up herself as a “voice of reason” for the show. Let’s imagine what that might look like
By Sarah Miller
July 9, 2014
Lindsay Lohan Should Win Her Grand Theft Auto Lawsuit
I'm no legal expert, but I know my tabloid stars, and I see the evidence that Grand Theft Auto's Lacey Jonas shares some Lohan DNA
By Sarah Miller
July 8, 2014
Bombs Bursting in Air: A War on Fireworks
Let’s think about banning the “BOOM!”
By Sarah Miller
July 2, 2014
Comparing and Contrasting the Duo's Last Decade
They say living well is the best revenge. So who bested whom: J. Lo or Ben Affleck?
By Sarah Miller
June 16, 2014
Lindsay Lohan Recalls the Time She Had Sex With James Franco
(This is a work of fiction.)
By Sarah Miller
June 10, 2014
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