The Most Awesomest Thing Ever

Ninjas are better than chocolate. Don’t believe me? Just visit The Most Awesomest Thing Ever, a website that pits unrelated objects, celebrities and activities against each other and then ranks them based on how many people think they are awesome. Apparently, ninjas are currently the 10th most awesome thing ever, with 4,185 votes to chocolate’s 3,998.

The website launched on April 15 and has so far caused Internet users to waste a collective 18,000 hours deciding which they like better, the Watergate scandal or lettuce. “We had no idea it would take off like this,” says Michael Lebowitz, founder and CEO of Big Spaceship, the digital creative agency behind the website. “People spend hours on it. Someone on Twitter even likened it to ‘heroin-dusted Oreos,’ it’s just that addicting.”

How awesome is The Most Awesomest Thing Ever? So awesome that Big Spaceship doesn’t even know what to do with it; Lebowitz says he just launched it because he thought it was a fun idea. “We’ll figure out where to go with it later,” he says. Out of the 1,250 things currently listed on the site, the rankings are pretty much what one might expect, with puppies and bacon ranking high above Sarah Palin and back pain.

In the name of journalism, I decided to test out the website with the help of my friend Molly. Here are our randomly generated Most Awesomest battles, and the reasoning behind each victor:

Badminton vs. Volcano
Claire: This one is easy. Volcanoes spew molten lava and one recently shut down Europe’s airports. They have also been known to cover densely populated cities in ash, preserving people exactly as they were during the horrific last moments of their lives until the day when they can be unearthed and turned into a popular tourist destination.
Molly: I don’t even know how to spell Badminton. Next.
Winner: Volcanoes, 58th most awesome

Water Balloons vs. Chris Brown
Molly: This is a tough one. Both are bad because they attack you. But they both have perks. I love the song “Run It.” But I also love the water balloon scene in Little Big League.
Winner: Water balloons, 94th most awesome

Nachos vs. Jazz Hands
Molly: Nachos!
Claire: Jazz hands!
Molly: Are you kidding me? Jazz hands are only funny on Will and Grace.
Claire: Nothing is funny on Will and Grace.
Molly: Then jazz hands must not be funny.
Claire: But nachos get soggy. And this website doesn’t specify whether these theoretical nachos come with the toppings you want.
Molly: Nachos are the perfect appetizer, easily shared by all. You don’t have to worry about cutting the last mozzarella stick in half.
Claire: Jazz hands help you make light of an embarrassing situation. Fall down in public? Jazz hands! Accidentally insult your boss? Jazz hands! Rob a bank? Jazz hands!
Molly: Rob a bank? Nachos!
Winner: Nachos, 42nd most awesome

iPhone vs. Cheez-Its
Molly: Cheez-Its are God’s gift to mankind. They are the perfect snack. And you don’t have to switch to AT&T to enjoy them.
Claire: Yeah, but Cheez-Its don’t make me look cool. Just orange.
Winner: iPhone, 259th most awesome

Hillary Clinton vs. Orlando Bloom
Claire: They’re O.K. But I don’t feel very strongly about either of them and I like Johnny Depp better than both.
Winner: Hillary Clinton, 938th most awesome

Rob Schneider vs. Ceiling Fan
Claire: A ceiling fan would probably make better movies.
Winner: Ceiling fan, 484th most awesome

Horses vs. Beer
Claire: Horses are majestic and you can braid their hair.
Molly: If it were 1775, I’d say horses. But these days, beer is more useful. It complements almost any activity.
Claire: As do horses. You can ride them to work.
Molly: Can you take them golfing? No. But you can take beer golfing.
Claire: I don’t golf.
Winner: Horses, 341st most awesome

And that is how I spent three hours of my afternoon. If you’re wondering what sort of people (other than me) gravitate toward The Most Awesomest Thing Ever, just check the website’s top two most awesomest winners:

1) The Internet

2) Life

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