Foreign News: Dutch Tomatoes

So many Britons are now keyed to the fiercest pitch of patriotism in defense of “All British Goods” that last week a wretched London vegetable woman, one Maud (“Maudie”) Dallas, was actually hauled into court for displaying over a basket of Dutch tomatoes the sign:

“English Tomatoes, 5d a Ib.”

Poor Maudie wept and cringed as she faced her stern accuser, one F. H. Fullom, who proclaimed himself “Secretary of the All British Glasshouse† Produce Association.”

“I knew she wasn’t selling real British tomatoes the minute I saw her price!” roared Secretary Fullom. “Real English tomatoes are in such demand that they mostly sell for ninepence the pound, and never less than eight!”

Sobbed Maudie Dallas: “They was as good tomatoes as yourn! ‘Ow was I to know they weren’t English?”

The Court, after lecturing Maudie Dallas sternly on her loyal duty as a British vegetable woman, imposed a stiff fine: £5 ($24).

The newspaper of world’s largest circulation, London’s blatantly imperialist Daily Mail, headlined its indignant account of the case:

TOMATO FRAUD!

† i.e. “Greenhouse.”