JAPAN: Hands in the Finger Bowl

The legislative manners of Japanese lawmakers are often a source of astonishment to their Western counterparts: in the course of debate, insults are shouted, desks banged, and the presiding officer may be subjected to physical assault for an unpopular ruling. This week, as 550 legislators from all over the world and their wives gathered in Tokyo for a meeting of the international Inter-Parliamentary Union, Foreign Office protocol experts were tactfully urging Japanese lawmakers to study a specially prepared booklet called Collection on Etiquette, intended to familiarize them with the inscrutable manners and mores of the West. Some pointers on mingling with Westerners:

¶ Japanese see nothing impolite about slurping soup or noisily blowing the nose or clearing the throat; the booklet warns that fastidious Westerners will recoil. There is a great difference in giftgiving: “Foreigners normally open gifts on the spot and then thank the donor. Japanese, however, thank the giver and then take away the unwrapped gift, and nobody else sees it.” The booklet advises against mixing “Eastern and Western customs” by simultaneously bowing and shaking hands “because it is ungraceful.”

¶ Japanese men were told: “Gentlemen must always be of assistance to ladies, who are by their nature delicate, mentally and physically. The Western idea of ‘ladies first’ is born from this fact.” Because Japanese tradition “has made it shameful for a male to behave gently toward the female sex, this idea requires courage among the men who practice it.”

¶ Japanese ladies were urged to pull themselves together and “not be too shy.” They were implored “not to giggle with a hand over their mouths, hang their heads and look downward without answering.” This practice is considered a delicate expression of maidenly modesty by the Japanese, but a Westerner might “suspect he is being teased.” Finally, “a lady should always be careful to keep her knees together when sitting. A lady should never squat.”

¶ Foreign dinners can seem nightmarish. A Western-style finger bowl is “for lightly rinsing the tips of your fingers, so don’t wash your hands in it.” Japanese must be careful not to stretch out their legs under the table because “you may kick someone. If this is done, apologize quickly, especially in the case of a lady, for in the West this kind of thing is construed in a certain way and can invite misunderstanding.” The ultimate and desperate warning: “Whatever happens, never become flustered. Be calm and cool.”