Miscellany, May 13, 1940

Bargain

In Spokane, at an auction, a woman bought a sealed packing case for $3, carted it home, opened it, found three skeletons in a good state of preservation.

Faith

In Harlan, Ky., because St. Mark says “They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them …” members of the Little Pine Mountain Church of God were vexed when Kentucky’s Legislature recently passed a law imposing a $50-$100 fine on those who (after June 12) “display, handle or use a snake or reptile in a religious service.” Pastor George Washington Hensley last week told how his church, by testing faith by poison, had already got around the Legislature: “Brother Bradley Shell took a large dose of strychnine powders about 6 o’clock. We stayed with him until 11:30 and there was no bad effect on him because of his faith.”

Routine

In Elgin, Ill., Mrs. Beulah Kemp, 38, underwent a routine operation: the extraction of an inch-long phonograph needle from her insides, the twelfth in the past 23 years. Vexed, Mrs. Kemp has no idea where the needles come from or how they get inside her.

Definition

In Los Angeles, Dr. S. M. Seidlin, New York endocrinologist, defined “oomph”: a gift of nature, the result of a finely adjusted endocrine system.

Policy

In Salt Lake City, an eager man with a revolver marched into Arthur West’s gas station, asked him whether it belonged to a chain. “No,” said West, “I own it.” “Well,” said the gunman, “I need the money bad, but I wouldn’t rob a private owner,” and marched out.

Thrill

Near Ottawa, Ill., William Jackson, 14, thrilled by a radio crime story, put a charge of buckshot into his grandma, smashed her head with the shotgun.

Unsung

In Manhattan, Western Union refused to sing a telegram (tune: Happy Birthday to You) to Mayor LaGuardia from employes of the New York Public Library. The song:

We would like to have a raise

And be paid for holidays;

For the New York Public Libraries,

We thank you and good day.

Found

In Washington, a taxi driver found in the back seat of his cab one artificial Negro right leg wearing a sport shoe, sock, and grey trouser.