Miscellany, Jan. 13, 1958

Love Match. In Tottori, Japan, Fire Insurance Co. Manager Chikwo Iwamoto, 36, burned down his mistress’ house, explained to police: “She had become cool to me.”

Runner-Up. In Sitka, Alaska, the Sentinel carried an advertisement: “For Sale: Engagement ring, 3 weeks old, never worn. Was tied for 2nd place with six others. Will sell cheap.”

False Alarm. In Wethersfield, Conn., William H. Coney was fined $6 for having a noisy muffler, despite his protest that it kept him from falling asleep while driving.

Scrambled Yegg. In El Centra, Calif., Willis Mallory, asked why he broke into a house, heated up a can of spaghetti and melted crayons in it, replied: “It all seems like a dream.”

Tranquilizer. In Hicksville, N.Y., Alex Szwetowski pleaded innocent to drunken driving, admitted he had been drinking when arrested after an accident but insisted that he was only sipping some wine to soothe his nerves.

Research Project. In Courtenay, B.C., Herbert Emerson Wilson, 74, author of I Stole $16,000,000 and other works describing the futility of crime, was fined $200 for stealing $2 worth of meat from a chain store.

Extended Test. In Lancaster, N.Y., George G. Morgan, 31, held on a vagrancy charge after driving 8,000 miles in a car taken from a Victoria, Texas auto dealer, protested: “The salesman told me to take her out for a trial spin, but he didn’t say how far to go.”

Card Sharp. In San Bernardino, Calif., a card stuck in the windshield of an illegally parked car bore an exchange of messages: “Dear Officer, I ran out of gas and money, too,” followed by “Dear Citizen, I’ll give you an hour to earn some money and buy some gas.”

Parity Waste. In Tokyo, Theater Manager Ryohei Tanaka sent 1,200 pairs of black lace panties to Tokyo cabaret girls, offered them free tickets to the movie Don’t Go Near the Water if they showed up wearing the garments, ruefully hired a fashion model to salvage his misfired publicity stunt when not one girl showed up.

Touch & Glow? In Washington, D.C., FBI agents gingerly arrested Brown Coleman and James Thompson while the two were loading into Coleman’s car 20 lead bars stolen from the Naval Research Laboratory (where they were used as shields for experimental reactors), made a quick check, happily discovered the loot was not radioactive.