Miscellany, Nov. 11, 1946

Federal Reserve. In East Weymouth, Mass., Samuel Schofield bought 64 bars of Army surplus soap, found each stamped: ‘Save Soap to Win the War. (Signed) Commander in Chief, Abraham Lincoln.”

Officeholder. In St. Paul, the Tenth Ward Republican Organization got a new secretary: Mrs. Truman Wallace.

Double Take. In Manhattan, police raided a dice game, found two thieves holding up the players, took everyone to jail.

Ghosts. In Pittsburgh, a University of Pittsburgh student, handling registrations, complained: “Yesterday I registered a guy named Himmler. Today it was Goehring… if Hitler comes … I quit.”

Kidded by Experts. In Los Angeles, two members of the Burglary Squad reported that burglars had looted their lockers in the Burglary Squad Room.

That Man Again. In Minneapolis, University of Minnesota students, sick of the G.I. gag “Kilroy was here,” staged a mock burial, inscribed on the tombstone: “Kilroy is here.” In Caldwell, N.J., National Bank officials put up a neon sign over the entrance to the safe-deposit vault. The sign: “Kilroy was here.”

Ex Post Facto. In San Francisco, Judge Harry Neubarth heard the pleas of three shoplifters, let them go, later found they had walked out of the courtroom with the two pairs of nylons he had bought for his wife.

See? In Boston, Patrolman John Flaherty told children to look out for cars, crossed the street, got hit by a bus.

Table Talk. In Billings, Mont., Elaine Kjos one day murmured in a restaurant: “I wish I had a name like . . . Smith,” heard a diner say “My name’s Smith,” a few months later married him.

Mail Order. In Baltimore, Crag Wold decided to make $1,000,000, sat down to write 1,000,000 letters, asked recipients to “please send me one dollar.”

Personal Interest. In The Bronx, a thief held up Sebastian Di Maria, took over $5,000,.locked him in a refrigerator, phoned later to see if he was all right.

Safe Deposit. In Barranquilla, Colombia, Señora Juan Bores complained to police that her husband gave her no money for food, added that she could never rifle his pocket because he kept a snake in it.

Planned Economy. In Oak Park, Ill., Ellis Denney proposed that the town buy parking meters to get money to buy parking lots to eliminate parking meters.