GREAT BRITAIN: Cecil & the Serpent

Last week from London came a variation on the old theme of man, woman and serpent.

During the war Cecil Lambert bigamously married a WAAF named Terry, had her portrait in full uniform tattooed on his forearm. At war’s end a court sent him to jail to atone for the bigamy. Last week the first Mrs. Lambert marched her errant and reunited husband down to Tattooist Charlie Bell to remove the last evidence of his past. In Charlie’s shop, Cecil sat patiently while Charlie and his wife discussed the problem of erasing the WAAF.

“I could take it out,” Charlie said, studying the tattoo, “but you’d see the outline.” “I couldn’t stand even that,” said Mrs. Lambert. “Let’s put a dripping dagger through the head, then,” suggested Charlie. “I could do that for nine shillings.” It was no go. “Well,” said Charlie, “I could cover it with a nice nude and a Latin inscription.” “No more women,” said Mrs. Lambert. At last Charlie had an idea. “Why not a snake? That would cover it.” Cecil Lambert, who hadn’t said a word, started from his lethargy. “Can’t stand snakes,” he cried. “Dream of them ever since I saw them in Burma.” A snake, said Charlie’s wife, would be just the thing.

A moment later a curling snake began to take form on the WAAF. Tattooist Bell, intent on the job, paused to examine his canvas. “You’ve had a boil or something here,” he said. “That’s where my wife bit me,” said Cecil Lambert. “He rammed that hussy in my mouth,” said Mrs. Lambert. “Well, say goodbye to her now,” said Charlie as he drew his needle over the WAAF’s head.

“Ain’t it pretty?” said Irene Lambert. A fine red, yellow and blue snake now writhed from wrist to elbow on her husband’s arm. She handed Charlie £2 15s. and kissed her husband.