Miscellany, Feb. 2, 1942

Hall of Flame. In Brattleboro, Vt., loose matches in a fireman’s pocket set his pants afire while he was attending a meeting of fire fighters. In Madisonville, Tex., the fire department finally found a way to get rid of crowds that interfered with their work. At every alarm the assistant chief drove a spare truck in the wrong direction, led all the fire buffs astray.

Defeat. In Portland, Ore., a lost and befuddled gunman held up the night watchman of a store, commanded: “Show me the way out of this place,” departed without taking anything.

Service. In Olympia, Wash., Mrs. Mary Guadette learned the Government wanted an egg speedup, hung a sign in her chicken house reading: “Keep ’em frying!” One hen’s answer: an egg that measured 7 in. around the center, 8 in. the long way, and had three yolks.

Career. In Hollywood, Starlet Marilyn Hare said she had toured twelve Army camps, kissed 709 soldiers, hoped eventually to kiss 10,000.

Hard Way. In Kansas City, a storekeeper hung a card on his safe with the printed combination on it after burglars had twice broken the safe getting into it. The next burglars ignored the instructions, broke the safe again.

Shop Talk. In a Spokane court, a witness in a haircut-rate case testified it took more time to cut hair in the suburbs than in town. The judge took judicial notice of the fact that “there is more conversation to a haircut in a neighborhood shop.” In Binghamton, N.Y., two talkative barbers were left $100 apiece in a customer’s will “in memory of the many arguments we have had.”

Enthusiasts. In Delhi, Ont., a V-for-Victory-minded couple named their new daughter Victorine Valorie Veronica Vanzieleghen.

Age. In Providence, Mrs. Filomena Fazatta, nearing 108, looked forward to getting her final citizenship papers in 1944, observed: “I am healthy. I can wait.” In Manhattan, Mrs. Peter Christman turned 100, declared: “There are too many people in the world.” In Norristown, Pa., Ellwood Paul, 101, complained about living so long, jumped to his death.

Salve. In Indianapolis, a burglar stole $41, left a note: “Please forgive me. Some day you’ll be repaid with interest.” In Wilson, N.C., a woman approached the manager of a store, told him: “Five years ago I stole two rings and another article from your store that amounted to 25¢ in all. I want to go to Heaven.” She handed him a quarter.