Miscellany, Mar. 14, 1949

Normal State. In Austin, Tex., Attorney Wright Stubbs, defending a woman charged with drunken driving, shook the prosecution’s main piece of evidence with a telling argument: “Talkativeness is certainly no evidence of intoxication in the case of a woman.”

Old Hand. In Amherst, Mass., Mrs. Lois Mitchell 94, decided to take up horseback riding again, explained that the unusually warm winter weather interfered with her skating.

Propaganda. In Vidette, Ark., half the voters had to wade knee-deep across a water-flooded highway bridge before they reached the polling place to vote on a state bond issue for highway improvement.

Object Lesson. In Montreal, Night Watchman Emmanuel Dame explained to police how three robbers had been able to take him by surprise: he had been absorbed in a crime magazine.

Winner Take All. At Sydney, Australia, the two leaders in a swimming race quickly made for shore when they discovered that their closest competitor was a shark.

After Due Consideration. In London, the War Office’s British Army Journal had some advice for civilians of the atomic age: “The best defense today against the atomic bomb is not to be there when it goes off.”

Test Case. In Green Bay, Wis., Municipal Judge Donald W. Gleason asked a man charged with grand larceny whether he wanted a lawyer, got a straight answer: “I don’t know, Judge. This is the first time I ever got caught.”

Postwar World. In Munich, Germany, zoo officials announced that the parrot which shrieks “Heil Hitler!” has been suffering from an inferiority complex since it was joined by one which screams “Buy American all the way!”

Dissonance. In Kirkwood, Mo., the St. Louis Police Quartet finished up their recital at the First Presbyterian Church, found a parking ticket on their car.

Many Happy Returns. In Philadelphia, the Keystone Brass and Rubber Co. reached a milestone in labor-management relations: it announced that its union employees will henceforth get their birthdays off with pay.

Curator. In Woodhaven, N.Y., Jacob H. Day protested that he would like to keep his gold watch for personal reasons, was reassured by the stickup man: “I’m a sentimental guy. I’ll take good care of it.”