Miscellany, Sep. 6, 1948

Ex Cathedra. In Wimbledon, England, the Rev. W. A. Gibson noted that there were fewer buttons in the collection plate than there used to be, but came to a bitter conclusion: it was not morality that had increased, but the price of buttons.

Great Expectations. In Cleveland, Edward Girard complained in divorce court that every time he forgot to kiss his wife in the morning she fined him $80.

Foreigner. In Brussels, Coal Miner Celestin Jadot’s pension was cut because he hadn’t worked long enough in Belgium —a shaft in which he had worked ten years extended into France.

Rush Season, in Mexico City, Factory Manager Emilio Checa addressed a quarter-page newspaper ad to Teléfonos de Mexico: “Forty days ago we reported our telephone out of order. Won’t you please have something done?”

The Lonely Heart. In Clearfield, Pa., Mrs. Margaret Jane Redden, 82, and John D. Lewis, 81, who have had 25 children by previous marriages, announced: “This time we’re marrying for companionship.”

Ain’t Hay. In Arlington, Ohio, Railroad Telegrapher A. A. Hall threw the day’s receipts into a boxcar instead of a baggage car, didn’t discover his mistake until an elephant had eaten $117.45.

Safety First. In Honolulu, Airport Manager William Holloway rushed out to the auto obstructing Runway 4, learned that Hamai Shizuo had chosen the field as just the place to teach his friend to drive.

See? In Cromer, England, Edward Atkins explained to police: “I shot my wife because she told me to, and I have always done what I was told.” In Sancti Spiritus, Cuba, José Licea explained why he had shot his sister-in-law: he had mistaken her for his wife.

Once Upon a Time. In Belton, Mont., a bear entered Jean Sullivan’s house and 1) slept in his bed, 2) pulled out his dresser drawers, 3) raided the pantry, 4) carried out the bedding, 5) hung the curtains on a tree.

Family Circle. In Cleveland, Beer-Parlor Owner Stanley Siemen sued his in-laws for alienation of affections, charged that they had encouraged his wife to smooch the customers into buying more drinks.

Hook, Line & Sinker. In San Francisco Bay, novice Angler Mrs. Woodward Melone innocently followed her husband’s mischievous advice, caught two sharks by baiting her hook with bacon, tomato, and geranium.