Pop Chart

SHOCKING

JAPAN’S FINANCE MINISTER resigns over disoriented, slurring appearance at G-7 summit. Who does he think he is–Joaquin Phoenix?

ELTON JOHN to produce film in which aliens invade Jane Austen–era England. Title: Pride and Predator (we didn’t make that up)

MEL GIBSON. A spicy-recipe kind of guy

Upcoming ANNA NICOLE SMITH opera to destroy opera

MICHAEL PHELPS not charged in bong incident; released into open water

RYAN ADAMS engaged to MANDY MOORE; to release double album about it next week

SHAQ + JABBAWOCKEEZ = television gold

MC HAMMER reality show. Naturally

M.I.A. has a boy

CHRIS BROWN apologizes for doing something bad to someone, though he won’t say what or whom

PREDICTABLE

SAM DONALDSON retires. Nation’s eyebrows at half-mast

WHITE STRIPES to reunite for Conan’s last N.Y.C. show

U2 to play five nights on Letterman. This could be their big break!

Neverland items to be auctioned. You too can own … this

MALL COP to star next as zookeeper, then doorman, then possibly tollbooth attendant

SALMA HAYEK marries rich Frenchman in Paris on Valentine’s Day. In the movie version, she’ll be played by Meg Ryan

SHOCKINGLY PREDICTABLE