Pop Chart

SHOCKING

SAM SHEPARD wins Nick Nolte Mug Shot Award after DUI arrest

KARL ROVE beats GEORGE W. BUSH in third annual book-reading contest. Bush beats Rove in second annual “Yeah, well, I’m still President” contest

VALKYRIE makes money?

Poll says SARAH PALIN most desirable celebrity neighbor. Can we borrow a cup of moose?

American Gladiators’ NITRO writes memoir. Spoiler alert: his name’s not actually Nitro

Despite two subpar films, WILL SMITH is Hollywood’s top moneymaker of 2008

New Year’s Eve jaw drop: raunchy KATHY GRIFFIN makes ANDERSON COOPER blush

PREDICTABLE

PRINCE to release three albums in 2009, though he’ll sue you if you try to listen to any of them

ANN COULTER is back, and she will cut you if you cancel her segment

ZELDA FITZGERALD movie in the works. Will feature alcohol, jazz, ennui

PHANTOM OF THE OPERA sequel set in Coney Island?! Whatever. It’s going to make a billion dollars anyway

ZOOEY DESCHANEL engaged to Death Cab for Cutie lead singer. Hipsters everywhere rend their skinny jeans

BJORK tries to save Iceland with investment fund named … BJORK

LAURA BUSH sells memoir

Bush family’s 18-year-old cat decides it would rather die than leave the White House

CHARLES BARKLEY + Urkel + wine coolers + bear claws = DUI arrest. Still not a role model

SHOCKINGLY PREDICTABLE