“Schwarzenegger’s approval rating is down to 30%. After he heard this, he said, ‘I’m not going to act all upset and hurt because I don’t have that kind of range.'” –CONAN O’BRIEN
“Every night people go out and go crazy all over France. Last night over 600 cars were set on fire. Six hundred cars! But the good news is that the rioters saved over 15% by switching to Geico.” –DAVID LETTERMAN
“The only way the oil companies could make more money would be if they were drilling for oil and struck Starbucks coffee.” –JAY LENO
“Eliot Spitzer is going to be here tonight, and later, he’s going to indict me.” –STEPHEN COLBERT, on the New York attorney general’s appearance as a guest on his show
For more political humor, visit time.com/cartoons
More Must-Reads from TIME
- Why Biden Dropped Out
- Ukraine’s Plan to Survive Trump
- The Rise of a New Kind of Parenting Guru
- The Chaos and Commotion of the RNC in Photos
- Why We All Have a Stake in Twisters’ Success
- 8 Eating Habits That Actually Improve Your Sleep
- Welcome to the Noah Lyles Olympics
- Get Our Paris Olympics Newsletter in Your Inbox
Contact us at letters@time.com