Books: Kennel Ration

AND I LEARN ABOUT PEOPLE (75 pp.) —Delmar W. Beman Sr.—Exposition ($2.50).

EVERY DOG SHOULD HAVE A MAN (40 pp.)—Corey Ford—Holt ($1).

For hundreds of years, when warned that human society is going to the dogs, people have only smiled indulgently, and thrown old Bowser another sparerib. Now it may be too late. Two investigators, working independently, have published monographs which point to the same conclusion: society has in fact already gone to the dogs, and human beings had better learn to make the best of it.

There is strong internal evidence that one of these books, And I Learn About People, was actually written by a cocker spaniel named Delmar W. Beman Sr. The author writes as a dog, in the first person, sometimes even breaks into doggerel. Sample verses to a watchdog: Watching o’er one’s mind and soul, / Watching o’er one’s kin and friend, / Make time and living worth the while, / Breed strength and sureness / And warmness of smile.

Author Beman tells the success story of an intelligent young pup in the world of “dumb people”—how he became a hero by saving the baby (“new small people”) from death in a bedroom fire, how he amazed “Grandmother People” by fetching her slippers every evening, and how he even sneaked into church one day and joined in a hymn.

In Every Dog Should Have a Man, Corey Ford goes even further in allowing that it’s a dog’s world. “Every dog,” Author Ford says, “should have a man of his own . . . Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.” However, says Ford, who is owned by an English setter named Cider, a dog must “make it clear from the outset which one of you is boss.” A man should only be allowed to sit in one easy chair, and should not eat out of the same dish as his master. After a man has become “thoroughly familiar with the leash, one end may be hooked to the dog’s collar and the other end looped securely around the man’s wrist so he cannot get away.” As for giving a man a bath, Ford says a dog should jump in the tub himself, with all fours, splashing the man as much as possible, then jump out and shake the water off his coat and on to the man. After that, “run around the yard in circles. By the time he has caught you he will be completely dry again.”

It is about time something funny—or even serious—happened to the professional dog-lovers, and for half the distance, Ford is barking merrily at their tweedy trouser seats. Alas, he never takes the true material in his teeth.