Miscellany: Novel

In Chicago, 24-year-old Lawrence Yehling stole $75 from a former employer, gave himself up to the police. If they sent him to jail, said he, he could write a prison novel better than Dostoevski’s The House of the Dead. After two weeks in the bridewell, Novelist Yehling changed his literary plans: “I think I’ll join the Army and try to write a better book than Tolstoi’s War and Peace.”

Catch

In Anderson, S. C., a pensive stranger stood gazing into the depths of a trout hatchery. When fish became scarcer, mystified officials first scratched their heads, then broke in on the stranger’s waterside musings. Through a hole in his pocket he was dangling a line, pulling his catch through a pants leg.

Interruption

In Brooklyn, John Coveleskie lay snoozing serenely on a sidewalk. When a policeman awakened him, Catnapper Coveleskie seized the officer’s gun, took hasty but sleepy aim, pinked himself in the leg.

Astute

In Jamestown, N. Y., astute Chauncey B. Klinedinst, proprietor of Kliney’s restaurant, was trapped in his refrigerator when the door swung shut behind him. His screams were unheard. Benumbed and exasperated, he shrewdly solved the problem of how to summon aid: by shutting off tap lines through which beer flowed to the bar.

Excess

In Tulsa, Okla., Dogcatcher Ernest Roberts was suspended for “exceeding his duty” after he arrested four men and a woman for drunkenness, took them to jail in his dog wagon.

Note

In Dallas, Tex., the police department’s missing persons bureau received a post card from Los Angeles. Read the message: “Missing Department Bureau: My father is about 511 tall. He is light-colored. He has straight hair. He has lived in Dallas for years where I was born. He married my mother. Her name was Annie. Thanks.”

Sneeze

In Topeka, Kans., an attorney sneezed. As his new false teeth popped out of his mouth and skiddled across the floor, two stenographers took the plate for a mouse, jumped up on their chairs and screamed.

Bachelors

In Los Angeles there blossomed a Tax the Bachelors League Inc., founded by Mrs. J. Winifred Vis and friends. Its platform: tax bachelors, give proceeds to “bachelorettes.”