Miscellany, Jul. 30, 1945

Home Fires. In Edmonton. Alberta. Donald Fry set fire to his house three times, explained to police that he did it to “keep my wife at home to take care of the children.”

Flush. In Missoula, Mont., John Brandenburg was jailed when he refused to pay a $5 fine and stubbornly flushed all his money — $1,055 — down a courthouse toilet.

Animal Spirits. In Omaha, police arrested a Mrs. Blackfish, a Mrs. Raven, and a Mrs. Beaver for fighting like cats.

Catch. In Sheffield, Ohio, a marine went fishing, caught a live pig. In the Mississippi, near New Orleans, the S.S. Amherst Victory weighed anchor, hauled up a four-ton, two-horned manta a four-ton, two-horned manta (devil fish).

Rut. In Cleveland, police arrested Alfred Johnson, a paroled auto thief, who was speeding to an appointment with his parole officer in an auto he had stolen for the purpose.

City Slicker. In Manhattan, a runaway horse raced 20 blocks, pausing only for red lights.

Horse Lovers. In Newmarket, England, a racehorse auctioneer found himself unable to keep up with the spirited semaphoring of the bidders, finally suspended the auction, then learned that his patrons were swatting at a swarm of gnats.

All Wet. In Kansas City, Mo., weather forecasters of the American Meteorological Society picked an “ideal day” for their annual picnic, were rained out.

Just Right. In Portland, Ore., steaming passengers on a stifling city bus found that all the heaters were going full blast. The driver felt fine, explained that he was just back from long service in the sweltering Pacific.

Modern Times. In Dayton, business-college authorities decided to junk the tried-&-true practice sentence, “The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog’s back,” substitute “A quick movement of the enemy would jeopardize sixteen gun boats.”

Reconversion. In Brooklyn, the U.S. Office of Surplus Property offered for sale 5,000 incendiary -bomb containers. Suggested use : flower boxes or toy chests.

Wunderkind. In San Diego, a cracksman who had twirled the knob of a market safe at midnight, had opened it, and made off with four rolls of pennies, admitted his age to police: 6.