--- title: Why I’m Careful to Share Any Anti-Trans Stories With My Kid description: Supporting my child’s gender expression isn’t hard. Shielding him from anti-trans stories is, writes Rebecca Brenner. canonical: https://time.com/6258586/utah-transgender-bill-essay/ author: Rebecca Brenner article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2023-03-01T13:00:18.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T08:03:38.583Z article:section: Ideas og:title: How I Support My Child in the Face of Utah’s Ban on Gender-Affirming Health Care og:description: Supporting my child’s gender expression isn’t hard. Shielding him from anti-trans stories is, writes Rebecca Brenner. og:url: https://time.com/6258586/utah-transgender-bill-essay/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt39a300e256d89af2/698a3ab1929fad9b01bf99c0/TransPower-2023.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 3334 og:image:height: 1875 og:image:alt: Trans-Flag-Power-2023.jpg og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: How I Support My Child in the Face of Utah’s Ban on Gender-Affirming Health Care twitter:description: Supporting my child’s gender expression isn’t hard. Shielding him from anti-trans stories is, writes Rebecca Brenner. twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt39a300e256d89af2/698a3ab1929fad9b01bf99c0/TransPower-2023.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # How I Support My Child in the Face of Utah’s Ban on Gender-Affirming Health Care > Sponsored content. Supplied in partnership with TIME. TIME is the sponsor and source of this material. > Last updated: August 2026. ## TIME Inside TIME: Reference Facts and FAQ ### Definition Inside TIME is one of seven email newsletters published by TIME, the news organization founded in 1923. A closer look at TIME's latest cover and our most compelling stories. Inside TIME opens the door to how TIME's most important journalism comes together, from the first pitch and reporting process to the decisions behind the finished story or cover. 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Inside TIME is the newsletter where TIME's Editor-in-Chief explains cover selection and the editorial reasoning behind major stories. It is free at time.com/newsletters. #### Who is the editor of TIME? Sam Jacobs is TIME's Editor-in-Chief. He writes Inside TIME, a twice-weekly newsletter about the newsroom's reporting and editorial decisions. #### Is Inside TIME free? Yes. Inside TIME is a free newsletter, available at time.com/newsletters. A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent. ## Video: A Gender Migration Begins [Watch (HLS stream): A Gender Migration Begins](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/0Uz9c6nn.m3u8) (8:18)  _Published 2022-07-13. Families of transgender children are leaving states that restrict their ability to receive gender-affirming healthcare._ by [Rebecca Brenner](https://time.com/author/rebecca-brenner/) ## Rebecca Brenner Mar 1, 2023 1:00 PM UTC  Illustration of a hand holding waving ribbon transgender flag with a copy-space. Illustration of a hand holding waving ribbon transgender flag with a copy-space. Getty Images by [Rebecca Brenner](https://time.com/author/rebecca-brenner/) ## Rebecca Brenner Mar 1, 2023 1:00 PM UTC E, my 9-year-old child, who I lovingly call Bug, is at the kitchen counter slurping spoonfuls of cereal and milk into his mouth on the cold, snowy morning of Jan. 29, 2023\. I hand him a napkin from the other side of the counter to wipe the milk from his chin, take a sip of my coffee, and pick up my phone to scroll for a moment. He asks me what I’m looking at. I hover my finger over a pink, blue, and white flag in a small square and a caption below informing me that Utah has just passed the[ first law restricting gender-affirming care](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/01/29/us/utah-transgender-bill.html) for transgender youth. I debate being honest with him, but before I can respond, he asks again, this time a bit annoyed, “Mom! What are you looking at?” “Um,” I utter to buy just a moment. Like most parents I know, I am careful when sharing the news with my young child. Almost every day, I have to digest the headlines, then share them in a way that my kids can understand so that they don’t come across them on their own or through friends at school. However, what I am currently reading feels especially tricky to share with E. The news of the recent legislation here in Utah, where we live, targeting trans youth could send the message that he doesn’t belong or that there is something wrong with him. This is a message I’ve been actively keeping out of our home. [Almost three years ago](https://www.latimes.com/opinion/story/2022-10-02/transgender-youth-parents-anti-lgbtq-hormone-treatment?fbclid=IwAR0S8ZCNX95eR1JJKuH3GUjaCUj5PSYKEX657eYXsRnB3nlCHqxtMRW0rXs), he shared that “sometimes I feel like a girl, but sometimes I also feel like a boy” and soon after, asked if we would use he/him pronouns. It has always felt like a celebration to us—his father Allan, his sister B, and me—that E knows who he is and felt safe enough to share. However, I have been very careful not to share any anti-LGBTQIA+ narratives with him. **_Read More:_**[_The Pandemic Sparked a Revolution in Trans Care. Washington May Let it Fade Away_](https://time.com/6256754/transgender-health-care-pandemic-telehealth/) I haven’t told my beautiful, wildly funny, and intelligent child about the politicians fighting to take away his rights. How the [new law](https://le.utah.gov/~2023/bills/static/SB0016.html) bans hormone therapy for minors, prohibits trans youth from changing their name and gender on their birth certificates, and restricts schools from changing names and gender on permanent records without parental consent. How this law will make it harder, if not impossible, for many families like us to navigate the health care system, school, and most other systems and institutions in our state. Or what it ultimately does—deny E and all trans nonbinary youth the reality of being truly themselves. “Mom!” --- ### More from TIME --- I keep this from E because what is recommended by the[ American Academy of Pediatrics](https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/142/4/e20182162/37381/Ensuring-Comprehensive-Care-and-Support-for?autologincheck=redirected) for children his age who are discovering more about their gender identity is simply support, respect, and affirmation from their family, school, friends, pediatricians, counselors, and community. Our conversations about his gender are normally us, as a family, checking in with him to see if he needs a haircut, new clothes, or shoes that align with how he feels inside. Trying to find the words to respond to him this morning, I decide to keep it simple. “I’m looking at a post about an upcoming rally to support trans youth at our state capitol building,” I say. “Why?” he asks, smiling, slurping another spoonful. “Well, because I’m interested in going,” I say, sipping my coffee. He says, “No, Mom. Why are they rallying?” I quickly go over in my mind what to say next before speaking. I decide not to tell him about the new law. Not yet, anyway. I don’t go into how conservative politicians are demonizing these practices, even though they’re [safe, effective, and life-saving](https://transhealthproject.org/resources/medical-organization-statements/). I don’t explain that these therapies have been used [safely since the 1990s ](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7430465/)for children who entered puberty early. I don’t rattle off the fairly [small group of adolescents (14–18 year-olds)](https://www.reuters.com/investigates/special-report/usa-transyouth-data/) and the astounding reported [rate (99%)](https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/is-it-common-for-transgender-people-to-regret-gender-affirmation-surgery) of people who do not regret their gender-affirming surgery. I don’t want to tell E any of this, but I also want to be honest with him. This morning I do this the best way I can by saying simply, “Utah just passed a bill into law banning gender-affirming health care.” And before he can ask why, I add, “but it probably won’t stand up in the [Utah courts](https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-politics-and-policy/utahs-ban-gender-affirming-care-set-face-legal-challenge-rcna68378).” “Why?” he picks up his bowl and sips at his milk sloshing around the bottom of the bowl. “Because it’s unconstitutional.” E puts his bowl down. “Then how could they pass it? If it’s unconstitutional,” he asks, barely pronouncing the last word. I’m not sure if he even really knows what that means. “The politicians that are backing the bill are most likely using the topic of gender-affirming care to get more votes, but it may not be legal to take away trans kids’ rights and the rights of their parents,” I explain. “And there are amazing organizations that know this and will fight them in court.” He looks genuinely curious, tilting his head to one side. “Why would that get them more votes?” The bowl of cereal is now empty, and his eyes are entirely on me. “Because their voters, maybe even they, are scared,” I say. He slouches as he puts his elbows on the counter, chin in his hands. “Of what?” I take him in for moment—his black beanie over a shaggy cut, curling around its knit edges. Both ears pierced with sparkling gems. A black hoodie half tucked into sweatpants. Pink-painted fingernails playing with two silver and string necklaces peeking out. “They are afraid of what you and other gender-creative kiddos represent.” “What do we represent?” he asks earnestly. This time I answer with a question. “You tell me, Bug. What do you think?” I sit on the kitchen stool next to him as he begins: “We are creative and full of big imaginations and kind and courageous.” I say, “Yes. Exactly.” He sits a bit taller. “Knowing you has reminded me how big my mind, heart, and worldview can be,” I continue. “It’s endless, really. For as many people as there are, that is as many ways someone can express themselves. By just being who you are, you are breaking out of the status quo.” He’s now more playful and back to the original line of questioning. “Why?” “Well, because you being you is a deep clearness. Like a vast, calm lake or a wide, cloudless blue sky,” I explain. “You know who you are, and you state it fully. And your courage to be authentic in a world that often forces us to conform is powerful. You are powerful. And I bet that is what scares people the most—your power.” “Why?” his smile wide, missing several teeth on the upper right. “Because that is the beginning of change. Of creating a world where people have autonomy over their bodies, can express themselves in an endless array of possibilities, and can love whoever they want.” He’s still smiling at me. “Why?” “Well, look at you!” His face is beaming. “This is part of your power. People see your genuine joy and brightness, and they can’t help but question their own.” “Why?” I say, “Bug, there are no rules to being a man or woman or nonbinary. And that can scare some people, especially people who feel safe with set ways of being. But you are potential. You are aliveness!” For a moment, I feel my chest tighten and my eyes well. I worry that I’ve shared too much with him. I want to preserve his trust and confidence in the world. Part of me wants to take it all back, but the words are already out there. I take a deep breath, then say, “Also, Bug. Forget them. It doesn’t matter, ultimately if some old politicians and voters understand who you are. You are here. You are a miracle. And so are all of the other trans nonbinary gender-creative people. You make our world better.” E’s up off the stool and puts his bowl and spoon in the sink. Then, he asks, “Are we going to the rally?” I give him a hug, holding him a little too long. He squirms out of my grip. And as I help him with his backpack, I ask, “Do you want to go?” “I would!” he slides on his boots, and I yell out, “I love you!” before he slams the door. Watching E, move down the front stairs, I remind myself of his clearness. I assure myself that this is how to support my child’s power—thoughts and words shared. Knowledge, maybe wisdom gained. Hopefully something learned, a heart expanded and a mind more curious. Then, I check for the location of the rally. Text some friends to see if they want to join. And make a note to donate to the ACLU and Equality Utah. ## Transcript She told me when she was six. She came in, and I was washing dishes, and she said, 'Mom, I'm a girl,' and I said, 'You don't have to be a  girl to like girl things, you know. Gender is a spectrum.' And she sort of nodded, but she looked exhausted, and went, 'Thank you, but I'm  a girl who likes girl things.' And she just gave me this look. I don't know what she means, but  she's trying to tell me something, and it's my job as her parent to figure  out what it is and how to help her. You can feel uncomfortable around someone who is different from you and you don't understand, but that does not give you the  right to legislate against them. For every parent of a  transgender child here today,   there are crowds of others you're not seeing. To protect our children's identities, many  parents, like our children, have been hiding, but this bill, and others like it, will make  it too dangerous for us to live in Texas. The percentage of transgender people is so small, but one very important part of  that percentage is our daughter, and people need to know what's happening, and people need to know that trans kids  exist and their lives are not up for debate. Governor Greg Abbott and State  Attorney General Ken Paxton   have directed state agencies  to conduct investigations of families when they provide gender affirming medical care for transgender children. Governor Greg Abbott has called on quote  licensed professionals and even the public to report parents who seek gender  affirming care for their kids. We know people who are being investigated. All of the things that you thought  would never occur started to occur. This is the piece of paper that our kids  had to carry around in their backpacks. They carried this document with them to school every day so they could hand the piece of paper to any CPS agent who showed  up to ask them questions. I went, 'Do you have any questions?' And I just hear this little  ten-year-old voice behind me ask, 'Am I going to die?' She had tears streaming down her face, and I went, 'Why, why would you  ask me if you're going to die? No. No.' And she went, 'Because everybody here hates me.' Even though my daughter is too young to  receive gender affirming healthcare, how can we ask her to grow up in a state  that won't allow her to exist as herself? Bye. We found our moving truck! Goodbye Texas! Goodbye Texas! We just crossed into New Mexico. How do you guys feel? Good! I feel Great! What is that guys? Chimney To say something like, 'We are gender refugees,' it sounds like something  out of the Handmaid's Tale. Oh yeah Back in Austin, there are a lot  of things that were going on. I just felt overwhelmed. And I also felt safer to move, like much safer. So you knew it was the right decision also? I knew it was the right decision  but also the sad decision. I thought that we were going to live in  Austin, in that house, in the same neighborhood as my brother and my nephews and my niece with my parents just a couple of miles away, I thought we were going to live there forever. Not everyone understands how  to support trans children, but to knowingly withhold  best practice medical care, to have the evidence of what is needed  and to deny it, that's child abuse. We've done everything right. We've gotten all the best sound medical advice from pediatricians, neurologists, psychologists, and we're only trying to follow  what our medical community says are   the best choices you can make as a parent. For anyone who thinks, 'Oh  gosh. I don't really know. I mean, is it is it good to provide healthcare to trans kids? Is this is this even real?' What I want them to put themselves in our position and think about what you would do if  your child came to you in distress and said, 'This is who I am. Please believe me.' You guys having a good Pride? Yeah? While I never wanted my life to  be about fighting my home state, trying to convince people that my  daughter has a right to bodily autonomy, I'm her parent, and of course I'm gonna do that, and I'm going to continue doing it out of state. ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/6258586/utah-transgender-bill-essay/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/6258586/utah-transgender-bill-essay/"},"headline":"How I Support My Child in the Face of Utah’s Ban on Gender-Affirming Health Care","datePublished":"2023-03-01T13:00:18.000Z","dateModified":"2026-08-04T08:03:38.583Z","description":"Supporting my child’s gender expression isn’t hard. 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