--- title: White Women Must Do More To Confront Racism description: White women's quest for perfection makes it impossible to do antiracism work, write Saira Rao and Regina Jackson. canonical: https://time.com/6227993/white-women-perfection-anti-racism/ author: TIME article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2022-12-03T13:28:16.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-04-30T11:03:11.161Z article:section: Ideas og:title: White Women Must Do More To Confront Racism og:description: White women's quest for perfection makes it impossible to do antiracism work, write Saira Rao and Regina Jackson. og:url: https://time.com/6227993/white-women-perfection-anti-racism/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltdfc5013fc58a9add/698a3712db2987840f2685c9/white-woman-pixelated.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 2400 og:image:height: 1350 og:image:alt: Abstract Mirror Shoot og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: White Women Must Do More To Confront Racism twitter:description: White women's quest for perfection makes it impossible to do antiracism work, write Saira Rao and Regina Jackson. twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltdfc5013fc58a9add/698a3712db2987840f2685c9/white-woman-pixelated.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # White Women Must Do More To Confront Racism > Sponsored content. 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A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent. ## Video: Shooter Who Killed 10 Black People in Buffalo Supermarket Pleads Guilty to Murder and Hate-Motivated Terrorism Charges [Watch (HLS stream): Shooter Who Killed 10 Black People in Buffalo Supermarket Pleads Guilty to Murder and Hate-Motivated Terrorism Charges](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/UWk2IOmq.m3u8) (3:09)  _Published 2022-11-28. The white gunman who massacred 10 Black shoppers and workers at a Buffalo supermarket pleaded guilty Monday to murder and hate-motivated terrorism charges, guaranteeing that he will spend the rest of his life in prison._ by [Saira Rao](https://time.com/author/saira-rao/) and [Regina Jackson](https://time.com/author/regina-jackson/) Dec 3, 2022 1:28 PM UTC  digitalized, pixels, reflection, young woman, abstract reflection digitalized, pixels, reflection, young woman, abstract reflection Getty Images by [Saira Rao](https://time.com/author/saira-rao/) and [Regina Jackson](https://time.com/author/regina-jackson/) Dec 3, 2022 1:28 PM UTC In 2019, we decided to host [anti-racism events](https://www.race2dinner.com/) in white women’s dining rooms for one specific reason: To turn the age-old adage, “it’s rude to talk about politics at the dinner table” on its head. This is what we’ve learned—if you don’t talk about racism, you can’t dismantle it. But it isn’t _just_ over the dinner table that this “niceness” rules. In the aftermath of George Floyd’s murder in 2020, you were eager, frenzied even, to do this work. A mere two years later, not only is that excitement for anti-racism work gone, the pendulum has swung in the [other direction](https://www.thenation.com/article/activism/blake-white-people-backlash/), into a [verifiable whitelash](https://www.edweek.org/leadership/opinion-educators-will-teach-truth-about-oppression-despite-crt-attacks/2022/09) against anti-racism work. If white womanhood is a house, your need to be perfect is the foundation. It is this need for perfection that makes it impossible to engage in antiracism work. Being perfect is the key to your happiness, to your success, to your very existence. Perfect hair. Perfect clothes. Perfect grades. Perfect nails. Perfect weddings. Perfect bodies. Perfect adoring and supportive wife and mother. Perfect employee and colleague. White skin. The foundational principle of perfection in a white supremacist society like ours is rooted in whiteness. Without it, your A’s will never be straight enough, your MVP trophies not shiny enough, your flowery dresses a bit wilted. Of course, white skin alone doesn’t render you perfect, but without it, you have no chance. White skin is a necessary (yet still insufficient) ingredient of perfection. The con, of course, is there is no actual recipe for perfection, as there is no such thing as perfection. --- ### More from TIME --- **Read More:** [_How the ‘Karen Meme’ Confronts the Violent History of White Womanhood_](https://time.com/5857023/karen-meme-history-meaning/) This makes your endless quest for perfection a trap. You will never be pretty enough. You will never be thin enough. You will never be smart enough or successful enough or rich enough. You will never _be_ enough. Yet white women will die trying. Especially over dinner. We call it the “Three Point Plan for Perfectionism.” It goes like this: * You’ve been taught generation after generation that talking about politics over a meal is rude. * Being rude is the enemy of perfection. * Being perfect is your number one life goal, so you will not talk about racism. White women regularly mention having been “burned” on social media for saying the “wrong thing.” You have been publicly humiliated, often at the hands of a fellow white woman, who is angling to show you how much more perfect _she_ is at antiracism work. Yes, you even compete in the antiracism space. Getting called out makes you want to stop the work, to stop engaging. If you aren’t _already perfect_ at it, then you don’t want to have anything to do with it. Yet if you stop the work, you can’t make progress. Then there are those situations in which the critique of you is coming from a woman of color. This will hit you in a deeply uncomfortable place. After all, you are not used to having us challenge you—and on a topic we absolutely know more about: being on the receiving end of racism. This, in particular, infuriates white women. Us publicly calling you out on your racism. Us publicly telling you that you are not perfect. Antiracism work depends on your acknowledging your imperfections, namely how you have been born into and nurtured by a white supremacist society. This means acknowledging that you are not the expert on how it feels to be on the receiving end of racism, which means you do not get to decide what is and is not racist. Just like men don’t get to decide what is and is not sexist. It means acknowledging that you _will_ get it wrong, that you _will_ feel embarrassed, and that you _will_ struggle to make progress. In spite of these obstacles and this necessary discomfort, you _will_ have to pick yourself up and get back into the work—work that is messy, not tidy. Work that is tables turned upside down, not neatly set. Work that is imperfect. So, why show up? Why do this work now? Because you must. You’ll do it because not only is it the right thing to do, but you know that your lives, and your kids’ and your grandkids’ lives, depend on your showing up, even when things get hard. You will show up because you understand that white supremacy hurts you too. You are doing this not to save us, but to free yourselves. So the next time you think things like, _“_I didn’t pipe up on Facebook because I don’t want to be attacked,” or “I’m scared I’m going to say the wrong thing,” or _“_The last time I called someone out at a dinner party, my husband was grumpy with me for a week,” think about this: The only wrong move is remaining silent, sitting on the sidelines, accepting your role in white supremacy. Don’t do nothing out of the fear of doing it imperfectly. Get in there. Read. Listen. Learn. Speak up. Speak out. Show up. Roll up your sleeves. And _when_ you receive criticism, consider that maybe it’s just that: a critique, and not an attack. Maybe this disagreement isn’t a fight. Maybe you _don’t know more_ than the Black, Indigenous, or brown woman attempting to set you straight. And isn’t freedom from white supremacy worth some level of conflict? Isn’t it more important to eradicate racism than to be _liked_ by everybody? You’ve never been liked by everybody in the first place! In the end, you cannot even start the process of extracting white supremacy until you extract the need to be perfect. The need to be perfect is not just harmful to us, it’s harmful to you. Aren’t you tired of never _being_ enough? _From_ [_WHITE WOMEN_](https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/669854/white-women-by-regina-jackson-and-saira-rao/) _by Regina Jackson and Saira Rao, published by Penguin Books, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC. 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