--- title: I Wish More People Talked About the Good Parts of Parenting description: It's good to be honest about the hard parts about parenting, but not enough parents talk about the good stuff, writes Lucy Huber. canonical: https://time.com/6148022/parenting-good-parts-happiness/ author: Lucy Huber article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2022-02-17T12:00:47.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T08:03:43.212Z article:section: Ideas og:title: The Hidden Truth About Parenting Isn't That It's Really Hard og:description: Why didn’t anyone warn me about the good? og:url: https://time.com/6148022/parenting-good-parts-happiness/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt0f83ef39000ca640/698a228a457a524c6fd661e4/truth-about-parenting-joy-1.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 2400 og:image:height: 1350 og:image:alt: truth-about-parenting-joy-1 og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: The Hidden Truth About Parenting Isn't That It's Really Hard twitter:description: Why didn’t anyone warn me about the good? twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt0f83ef39000ca640/698a228a457a524c6fd661e4/truth-about-parenting-joy-1.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # The Hidden Truth About Parenting Isn't That It's Really Hard > Sponsored content. 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A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent. ### Sources * TIME Newsletters: [time.com/newsletters](/c/time-nl-inside-2026q3/newsletters?i=abfff36d-6214-4b34-9e2e-b1124b7c9bae&cr=time-nl-inside-2026q3-v1) ## Video: TIME for Kids Sits Down with Dr. Vivek Murthy [Watch (HLS stream): TIME for Kids Sits Down with Dr. Vivek Murthy](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/ZJWzXvgf.m3u8) (5:00)  _Published 2022-01-13. TIME for Kids sits down with the U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy._ by [Lucy Huber](https://time.com/author/lucy-huber/) ## Lucy Huber Feb 17, 2022 12:00 PM UTC  Getty Images by [Lucy Huber](https://time.com/author/lucy-huber/) ## Lucy Huber Feb 17, 2022 12:00 PM UTC From the moment I announced I was pregnant, the comments from other parents started rolling in: _Hope you’re ready to never sleep again._ _All your hair is going to fall out._ _Just wait until he’s a toddler._ _Just wait until he’s a teenager!_ _Do you know what an_ _episiotomy is?_ They came from friends, from co-workers, from strangers who saw my rounded belly. (OK, the last one was my doctor.) **_Read More:_**[_A Tool for Staying Grounded in This Era of Constant Uncertainty_](https://time.com/6146958/pandemic-uncertainty/) At first they didn’t bother me. Nothing could ruin my excitement. But as the months went on, the comments did too. I began to wonder if anyone actually _liked_ having children. Nobody seemed to have anything good to say. I’ve always liked kids, but from what I was hearing, the second you had any of your own, you find out “the truth”: they drain you, demanding snacks at all hours, crying all night, breastfeeding too much, not breastfeeding enough, breaking valuable heirlooms, forcing you to become an exhausted heap of a person who can’t even drink a cup of coffee without a tiny person insisting on watching Blippi while picking their nose and wiping it on your unused grad-school diploma. _Was this what was going to happen to me?_ --- ### More from TIME --- For a long time, motherhood was glorified. When my mom was pregnant in the ‘80s, she told me it never occurred to her that it would be hard because nobody talked about the challenges. She was surprised when we weren’t little replicas of the perfect children she’d imagined, children who slept through the night and were happy to sit quietly in a playpen until we were 5\. Instead, when my mom took my brother for his first preschool interview, he turned on all the outdoor spigots he could find and flooded the playground. So now, people try to avoid making it seem like it’s all snuggly babies and well-behaved toddlers who would never purposely flood a Montessori vegetable garden. We finally started speaking up about issues that were being ignored like postpartum depression. We allowed TV fathers to be emotional and stopped depicting mothers as rosy-cheeked June Cleavers who have time to make their family waffles every morning _and_ maintain a perm. But maybe, when it came to talking about parenthood, we overcorrected. We forgot to keep sharing the good stuff in addition to the bad. **_Read More:_**[_COVID-19 Is Making New Moms Feel Even More Pressure to Breastfeed_](https://time.com/6098463/breastfeeding-covid-19-antibodies/) I had my baby in May 2020, probably one of the worst times in recent history to have a baby. It could have been worse, of course – it wasn’t on the Oregon Trail or during the Ice Age – but it wasn’t great timing. For the first few months of my son’s life, beyond the normal impossible baby things like swaddling and sleeping on the schedule of someone who hasn’t figured out night from day, we couldn’t see anyone. We showed him to friends and family by Zoom or by holding him up to a closed window. I wish they could have held him. I wish they could have held me. One night when he wouldn’t stop crying, I drove to a Starbucks parking lot where I sobbed until the sun came up. I thought, _This is exactly what everyone told me it would be like_. But even as a first-time parent of a [pandemic baby](https://time.com/5926361/pandemic-pain-joy/), I’ve found there is so much good. Why didn’t anyone warn me about the good? I don’t mean good in the sense that my toddler is easy (he’s not) or my parenting is perfect (last night my son ate 30 tater tots and nothing else for dinner). But good unlike anything I’ve known before becoming a parent. Sometimes after my son goes to sleep, I revisit the feeling of being with him like it’s a drug. I can release endorphins just by looking at a photo of him playing with a dump truck. **_Read More:_**[_Motherhood Is Hard to Get Wrong. So Why Do So Many Moms Feel So Bad About Themselves?_](https://time.com/4989068/motherhood-is-hard-to-get-wrong/) Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell people about the good. The best moments of parenting sound mundane but feel otherworldly: The first time my son heard “Jump in the Line” by Harry Bellafonte and it stopped his crying immediately and I danced around the room while he laughed. Cuddling on the couch watching _Cars 3_ (again), stroking his hair. Kicking a soccer ball in the park as the sun sets and the whole world is purple and orange — the whole world is me and him. A few nights ago before bed, my toddler went around and said, “Good night, I love you!” to all of his trucks, our cats, his dad, and me. He’d never said “I love you” to me before. My heart felt like someone had grabbed it inside my rib cage and squeezed so hard the ventricles were about to burst. I’m glad we’ve become more honest about parenting. But now when my friends are about to become parents, I try to explain this: some moments you’ll be so happy, you’ll practically combust. ## Transcript Hi, my name is Raonic but I am 12 years old and a kid reporter for time for kids. I am cured with the US Surgeon General. Dr. Vivek Murthy to talk about his recent advisory on mental health is a good time to have this discussion because the pandemic has been hard on kids mental health. In the recent rise. In Omicron cases is causing stress all over again, Rick sample. Some schools. Mine included have decided to go virtual after the holiday break. How dr. Murthy thank you for your time. I am so excited to speak with you conversation as well. Thanks for doing this with me. Thank you, sir. I so should we Jump Right In? Can you please explain what the health advisory is and what your most recent mental health advisory says of 2021. I don't know any Surgeon General advisory is a report issue to the country to call people's attention to an urgent public help, So there's something it's concerning impact, People's Health, in the back way. We want the public to know about it, but we focus this on young people in particular because for a long time now struggling to decide to issue the mental health advisory. Now, people around the world and has promised to address the mental health challenges, the young people experiencing All Over America. Schools are going back to her about learning videos of Omicron for many kids. This is stressful and a setback, the other advice for coping with it. Ended last year. You started a new school and then I was really hard to make friends that I can only imagine in particular, if we were virtual, if you had to and do distance learning during that time and probably even harder. How did you deal with those feelings of not being able to make friends if perhaps experiencing and we started to chat with each other through online? And it made me feel a lot better. And also I had my parents and my family and my brother reaching out to people who care about you is so important during times like that. And that one thing I want to ask for help. Please know that you're not alone. Please know that others experience this to that. Ask for help. That's never a sign of weakness. That's a good question and it looks a bit different for everyone. Always tell from the outside and I assume you're doing, okay? Just that they seem to be gathering with other people or smiling all the time, feeling good about, who you are and comfortable with where you are. The other thing that's important relationships, you have with other people with mental health, involves having good relationships with family and friends. That doesn't mean you need a lot of them. You just need a few and lastly, good know. How is about any able to respond to difficult time, that will come up and all of our lives. These are all part of a big mental health, a relationship with a relationship with other people and our ability to deal with difficult times when they come. All the young people a hard time during this is been a very difficult and struggling. I don't want anyone out there to think that somehow as they're struggling, that when you gone through in this last two years is a very Human Experience, but I also want to remind you if they would we as human beings with extraordinary power and resilience for willing. I should look for a willing to reach for out. Thank you for being an advocate, a champion to help other people. 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