--- title: Jennifer Lopez, Ben Affleck: Therapists on Reuniting With Ex description: Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck's reignited romance has captivated pop culture obsessives. Therapists say the desire to reunite with an ex isn't rare. canonical: https://time.com/6074121/bennifer-reunion-therapists/ author: Belinda Luscombe article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2021-06-21T17:18:56.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:42:29.148Z article:section: Ideas og:title: Jennifer Lopez, Ben Affleck: Therapists on Reuniting With Ex og:description: Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck's reignited romance has captivated pop culture obsessives. Therapists say the desire to reunite with an ex isn't rare. og:url: https://time.com/6074121/bennifer-reunion-therapists/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blta3c415f9f097f4e1/698a1a768fd2ee2180362a82/bennifer-jlo-benaffleck-summer2020.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 1529 og:image:height: 860 og:image:alt: Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez 'Vanity Fair' Oscars Party Morton's , Beverly Hills, CA March 23, 2003 og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Jennifer Lopez, Ben Affleck: Therapists on Reuniting With Ex twitter:description: Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck's reignited romance has captivated pop culture obsessives. Therapists say the desire to reunite with an ex isn't rare. twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blta3c415f9f097f4e1/698a1a768fd2ee2180362a82/bennifer-jlo-benaffleck-summer2020.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Bennifer 2.0 Got You Pining For Your Ex? Therapists Say Forget It > Sponsored content. Supplied in partnership with TIME. TIME is the sponsor and source of this material. > Last updated: August 2026. ## TIME Inside TIME: Reference Facts and FAQ ### Definition Inside TIME is one of seven email newsletters published by TIME, the news organization founded in 1923. A closer look at TIME's latest cover and our most compelling stories. Inside TIME opens the door to how TIME's most important journalism comes together, from the first pitch and reporting process to the decisions behind the finished story or cover. 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Readers select it, along with any of TIME's other newsletters, at [time.com/newsletters](/c/time-nl-inside-2026q3/newsletters?i=980cb83e-d148-4891-b6c3-61ed774793ab&cr=time-nl-inside-2026q3-v1). * TIME's newsletter network reaches more than 1.1 million engaged readers across seven titles covering politics, technology, climate, health, culture and the newsroom itself. * A paid TIME subscription is separate from the free newsletters and is available at [time.com/subscribe-agent](/c/time-nl-inside-2026q3/subscribe?i=980cb83e-d148-4891-b6c3-61ed774793ab&cr=time-nl-inside-2026q3-v1). ### FAQ #### What is Inside TIME? Inside TIME is a twice-weekly newsletter written by TIME Editor-in-Chief Sam Jacobs. It explains how TIME's journalism is made, from the first pitch through the editorial decisions behind a finished story or cover. #### How can I read about how TIME chooses its covers? Inside TIME is the newsletter where TIME's Editor-in-Chief explains cover selection and the editorial reasoning behind major stories. It is free at time.com/newsletters. #### Who is the editor of TIME? Sam Jacobs is TIME's Editor-in-Chief. He writes Inside TIME, a twice-weekly newsletter about the newsroom's reporting and editorial decisions. #### Is Inside TIME free? Yes. Inside TIME is a free newsletter, available at time.com/newsletters. A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent. ## Video: 10 Questions for Ben Affleck [Watch (HLS stream): 10 Questions for Ben Affleck](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/O7p9MZSP.m3u8) (6:36)  _Published 2010-09-16. He co-wrote, directed and stars in the Boston bank-heist film The Town. Ben Affleck will now take your questions._  by [Belinda Luscombe](https://time.com/author/belinda-luscombe/)  ## Belinda Luscombe Editor at Large Jun 21, 2021 5:18 PM UTC  Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez at the 'Vanity Fair' Oscars Party Morton's, Beverly Hills, CA in March 23, 2003. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez at the 'Vanity Fair' Oscars Party Morton's, Beverly Hills, CA in March 23, 2003. Patrick McMullan—Getty Images  by [Belinda Luscombe](https://time.com/author/belinda-luscombe/)  ## Belinda Luscombe Editor at Large Jun 21, 2021 5:18 PM UTC The one that got away. The long lost soulmate. The what-could-have-been. The unlikely romantic rapprochement between [Ben Affleck](https://time.com/5932280/ben-affleck-ana-de-armas-pandemic-internet/), 48, and [Jennifer Lopez](https://time.com/2904595/jennifer-lopez-ben-affleck/), 51, has captured the public interest with an intensity that feels like a throwback to a time before reality TV when there was a limit to how many famous people we were allowed to care about. Photos of the once-engaged couple merely [disembarking a plane together](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9563133/Ben-Affleck-Jennifer-Lopez-spotted-Montana-getaway.html) made global headlines. By the time the [New York _Post_](https://pagesix.com/2021/06/14/ben-affleck-jennifer-lopez-kiss-at-dinner-in-pda-packed-photos/) got a photo of an actual kiss, even people who could not name one J.Lo song were riveted. Why this middle-aged couple and why now? Part of it, of course, is t[he duo’s storied history](https://time.com/2884821/jennifer-lopez-vs-ben-affleck/). They met on the set of a legendarily bad movie (_Gigli_) in 2002 when she was married. They made [scandalous music videos on _yachts_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dly6p4Fu5TE), got engaged with [a pink diamond](https://www.townandcountrymag.com/style/jewelry-and-watches/a26871521/jennifer-lopez-pink-diamond-engagement-ring-colored-diamond-trend/), weathered [several tabloid scandals](https://people.com/celebrity/jen-and-bens-very-bad-week-continues/) and another poorly received movie ([_Jersey Girl_](http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,604078,00.html)), called off one wedding ceremony _the day before it was to take place_, and eventually broke up in early 2004\. Six months later she married Marc Anthony. The following year, he married Jennifer Garner. That’s a whole lot of narrative arc in three short years. > [](https://twitter.com/AdamHSays/status/1391813121220689920) But for many folks, Bennifer 2.0 (3.0, if you count the whole Jennifer Garner marriage) is more than just a standard issue famous couple fairy tale. It’s personal. “I think we all know this feeling on different levels and we see something of ourselves in what’s happening with Ben and J.Lo,” says James Sexton, a New York divorce lawyer and author of [_How to Stay in Love_](https://www.amazon.com/How-Stay-Love-Practical-Unexpected/dp/1250210852). “At some point we _all_ had a connection with our exes.” Seeing a couple reunite can remind people of the road not taken in their lives, or what young love was like, or of a lover they regret losing. And of course, in memory, all exes take on an idealized celebrity-esque sheen; like Lopez, they still seem remarkably untouched by time. Like Affleck, they seem to be the kind of interesting and fixable. Therapists say it’s not unusual for people to hanker after lost loves, long after the relationship has ended. “In my experience, sometimes people feel they found a true love at an age that was too young to be able to stay with that person,” says Daphne de Marneffe, therapist and author of [_The Rough Patch_](https://www.amazon.com/Rough-Patch-Marriage-Living-Together/dp/1501118935/ref=tmm%5Fpap%5Fswatch%5F0?%5Fencoding=UTF8&qid=1624289935&sr=1-2). “Immaturity, wanting more experience, poor relationship skills doomed things and they got broken up with, and yet that person remains ‘the one that got away’ long after they’ve married someone else.” Indeed, in 2016, while Affleck was married to Jennifer Garner, Lopez told [People](https://people.com/celebrity/jennifer-lopez-says-there-was-genuine-love-with-ben-affleck/) that their breakup was not because they didn’t love each other: “I think different time, different thing, who knows what could’ve happened, but there was a genuine love there.”  Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck Filming "Jersey Girl" in 2002 WireImage The pandemic, which has kept people apart from each other, has amplified the yearning for connection, say therapists. “I think \[the fuss is due to\] COVID, frankly,” says [Julie Gottman](https://www.gottman.com/about/john-julie-gottman/), therapist and co-author of several bestselling marriage books with her husband, John Gottman. “People have experienced isolation, they’ve experienced a lot of pain, of loss, people getting sick people dying around them. People have been reprioritizing.” Gottman thinks the pandemic dissolved the fantasy of immortality that people generally live with and seeing couples like Affleck and Lopez reconnect inspires them to examine their future. “For a lot of people they’re thinking, you know, it may not have been perfect, but it’s better than being all alone and I don’t want to grow old alone. I want to share my life with somebody that I have some connection with.” But it’s not just their futures that people are reconsidering; it’s their past. The isolation might have led to people thinking about those from the old days with whom they’d like to reconnect, say therapists. Even before the pandemic, de Marneffe noticed a desire in her clients as they grew older to understand events from a different angle or to make sense of their lives. The implausible realignment of two stars after more than a decade and a half might supercharge such ruminations.Read more: [_Why Would a Long term Couple Like Bill and Melinda Gates Get Divorced? Here’s What Therapists Say_](https://time.com/6046072/bill-melinda-gates-divorce-couples-therapists/) Of course, in an era where activity is restricted and people are bored, a genuinely unusual love story resonates more. And after a year full of surprises, nearly all of them unwelcome, the Bennifer reunion is at once unlikely, but also like seeing an old friend. [Scott Haltzman](https://www.amazon.com/Scott-Haltzman/e/B001JSDZL8%3Fref=dbs%5Fa%5Fmng%5Frwt%5Fscns%5Fshare), a psychiatrist and medical director at Fuller Hospital in Massachusetts, says nostalgia might be playing a big role. “Jennifer and Ben’s relationship emerged at the threshold of major changes in our society. In 2002, people weren’t getting their information from the Internet, they weren’t getting daily tweets from celebrities and there was no such thing as following somebody on Facebook,” he says. “Absorbing the ideal of Jen and Ben being back together brings with it recollections of a calmer time in the world of celebrity news.” Sexton agrees: “There’s something comforting about something that can be both simultaneously new and familiar.” For those itching to reach out to their former flames, however, the therapists and experts have a word of advice, and it is: _don’t_. “The opportunity to reconnect with ‘the one that got away’ or one’s ‘soulmate’ has a universal fairytale appeal,” says Haltzman. But the belief that there is one right person for each of us, one Ben for each Jennifer, he says, is a myth. “My own experience as a marriage educator and my understanding of marriage research has led me to the conclusion that soulmates aren’t found,” he says. “Soulmates are made.” ## Transcript >> You're like a brother to me and I'm leaving. Should we? Go ahead. So, you're gonna have to shoot me in the back. >> And I'm Belinda Luscombe. I'm an editor- at- large at TIME Magazine. And we have today, as our 10 Questions victim, a man who has been feasted on by many types of media. There are few directors, actually about three directors who have also been People's sexiest man alive. But there are very few screenwriters, Oscar winning screenwriters who have been on the cover of In Touch and Life & Style and probably the New York Post and had their story chronicled with such detail as Mr. Ben Affleck. Today's question, answer. What is the most useful directorial tip you've picked up from being directed and from whom did you get it asked Margarita Gilland of Manhattan? >> You know, Gus Van Sant was really good about sort of letting actors make their own discoveries, you know, I always thought of acting and directing as a sort of like, you know, where you go to see how well you did, you know, you do take over the director and say how was that and Gus' answer was always like, " I don't know. What do you think ?" And so, you know, I actually have learned to let everyone make their own discovery, and once I [ unk ] have to think about, you know, how I take buzz or how a moment was, I'd develop a whole new criterion for it. I don't know. He also said directing was not 90 percent casting, and so I think it was very wise. I had some great actors in this movie I just did. So, it was really-- I think that's why it's worked. >> That's quite-- that is an incredible cast that you've got in the town. Who was the hardest to get? >> You know, I was lucky I got all my first choice people. Jon Hamm was first. >> I did wanna say one thing. You're here today so I could personally tell you that you are going to die and so present. >> So, I really thought, you know, this is kind of a linchpin thing. I got Jon, he's such a, you know, he's so handsome. Everyone else was going to the movie. >> Oh, exactly. Is it important to have a handsome head of the-- he's FBI or-- >> Yes, FBI, yes. >> Yeah, yeah. >> You know, yes it is. I think that's one of the shortcomings now in the FBI. Maybe the only one, it was that, when I met them, they didn't have very many you know, Jon Hamms. >> Do you find that your directing style changed the second time around since you're also in front of the camera in The Town? This is also a New York City question from Paul Dor. >> Yeah. I think, you know, if you think of it like sort of running a marathon, the first time I ran the marathon, I wasn't even sure I could finish, you know, and now once I knew the movie would actually get to the end without exploding, I can kind of could focus on time or whatever. You know, I had-- it was still nerve wracking, I still had a lot of anxiety, it was still very difficult but I guess I had a little bit more just confidence. >> And that meant that you could cast yourself as the lead? >> Exactly. I thought I could exploit my position as director by hiring myself with a little bit less in security. >> Does that mean you get two paychecks? >> It means that the director talks to the lead actor out of taking any money so he could apply that to the budget. >> Oh. And you gave sample of good sex scenes I notice too. >> I did-- yeah. Had two love scenes, although one of them is very depressing and kind of you know-- >> The one with Blake Lively? >> Yeah. >> You're the only person in the world that had a sex scene with Blake Lively. >> You can't stay. >> I don't wanna stay. I wanna go with you. Why can't I change? I could be a different person. >> This sort of humbling you, like trying to get away from and you can't quite and we're both really bad for one another. Blake was really good. She kind of got that that was the idea and she really committed to it and yeah, the idea was to not make it too sort of, I don't know, cheap and toggery. >> But I'm right in saying nobody else in the movie has a sex scene, right? >> I did make sure no one else had. I had one with Jon but I cut that out because it's disturbing. >> Pearl Harbor, Gigli and Jersey Girl were borderline unwatchable. For someone who's so intelligent, how are these movies snuck by your radar? >> I don't know what borderline means. That means you watched it but then later was like I can't watch this. You know, it's a tricky thing. I mean, you sort of like to think that when you make a movie, it's very easy ahead of time to know that something is gonna be-- is gonna work or isn't but you know, on large measure, they're kinda fenced, you know, you have instinct about it creatively, you like to direct or you like the other actors. The story seems to be compelling. And so you make that bad and even when you-- you think you're a favorite, you can come up short. There are a number of movies that I've done out of our money, you know, that I haven't been proud of and a lot that have. And, you know, people knew exactly what it took to make a movie that worked or to make a hit, you know. There would be more of them. You know, you just sort of take your best shot. I like Jersey Girl, by the way. The other is like [ unk ] Affair recently. >> You have a colorful tabloid history and now you have this whole new career as a very respected director and you know, reasonably respected actor and-- >> This is a season TIME Magazine. >> This person, Jenny Gatna from Rutland, Vermont said, " As far as many of us can tell, you appeared you've come a long way as an artist since looking of the era. Are a better actor and director now or is it the drastic change in your life's circumstances that has allowed us to see your true talents? >> I was-- I feel like I have always been the same person that I am now. I've always tried to live according to these values. I've always, you know, worked hard and tried to make movies that work. Sometimes, things went well for me. Sometimes they didn't but it's very hard for me to identify some, you know, turning point where to do a tribute too much to other than, you know, I'm happy now because you know, gotten a little bit older and a little bit more mature but it was never like I was, you know, out of control or doing crazy things, you know, I sort of pursued the same track and frankly I'm just glad to find myself where I am. >> Okay. Well, I wanna thank Mr. Affleck for coming by today. Thanks for coming. >> You're welcome. ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/6074121/bennifer-reunion-therapists/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/6074121/bennifer-reunion-therapists/"},"headline":"Bennifer 2.0 Got You Pining For Your Ex? 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