Here’s What Prince George Was Really Thinking During That Playdate

Prince George, King of Infants, is being celebrated worldwide for successfully completing his first playdate. Official photos of the event were released by the palace this week — as were the other children once they promised to say only nice things about him. Sadly, no toddlers were invited to this event, as their ability to walk and talk would have probably upstaged Newborn Baby Prince George.

One of the mothers in attendance gave a statement to U.K. newspaper, The Mirror: “Different children develop differently, but George is very advanced for his age. He was crawling and wanting to walk in an advanced way — more so than my son, who is younger than him.”

Wow. Way to throw your own kid under the bus for palace brownie points. You forgot to mention that Prince George was far more attractive than the rat-faced gremlin you are ashamed to call your flesh and blood.

The Express reported that Prince George “made a little girl called Paige Stevens cry after taking a wooden doll from her.” Suck it up, Paige. He has an army at his disposal and could have taken the house you live in if he wanted, so count your blessings.”

A witness told The Daily Mail that Prince George was quite “the bruiser,” which the palace quickly brushed off by saying that he “is currently teething.” Nice try, George, but we’re all teething.

Honest Toddler’s first book The Honest Toddler: A Child Guide to Parenting (Simon & Schuster) comes out April 22, 2014.