--- title: Amber Tamblyn: What It's Like Being a New Mom Amid #MeToo description: Actor Amber Tamblyn writes a powerful essay about being a first-time mom amidst the Trump administration and the ongoing #MeToo movement canonical: https://time.com/5274300/amber-tamblyn-motherhood-me-too/ author: Amber Tamblyn article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2018-05-12T10:00:32.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T08:02:02.556Z article:section: Ideas og:title: Amber Tamblyn: Motherhood Makes You Dangerous, And That's a Good Thing og:description: It makes me fight so my daughter will never have to say "Me Too" og:url: https://time.com/5274300/amber-tamblyn-motherhood-me-too/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltc9b25a0ae7cdbc55/6989303e86f68eec596e925b/amber-tamblyn-times-up-color.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 2405 og:image:height: 1353 og:image:alt: Amber-Tamblyn-Time's Up og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Amber Tamblyn: Motherhood Makes You Dangerous, And That's a Good Thing twitter:description: It makes me fight so my daughter will never have to say "Me Too" twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltc9b25a0ae7cdbc55/6989303e86f68eec596e925b/amber-tamblyn-times-up-color.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Motherhood Makes You Dangerous—And That's Powerful in the #MeToo Era > Sponsored content. 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For giving voice to open secrets, for moving whisper networks onto social networks, for pushing all of us to stop accepting the unacceptable, the Silence Breakers are the 2017 Person of the Year._ by [Amber Tamblyn](https://time.com/author/amber-tamblyn/) ## Amber Tamblyn May 12, 2018 10:00 AM UTC  Amber Tamblyn attends "Time's Up" during the 2018 Tribeca Film Festival at Spring Studios on April 28, 2018 in New York. Amber Tamblyn attends "Time's Up" during the 2018 Tribeca Film Festival at Spring Studios on April 28, 2018 in New York. Astrid Stawiarz—Getty Images; Photo-illustration by TIME by [Amber Tamblyn](https://time.com/author/amber-tamblyn/) ## Amber Tamblyn May 12, 2018 10:00 AM UTC Motherhood makes you dangerous. When I had my daughter, it was the first time that I truly understood the depths of my own power and the width of my own potency. It can be hard for women to value the complexities of such dimensions, especially in a society that systematically tells us that our bodies are wrong, the way we breastfeed is wrong, the way we raise our children is wrong — that nothing is right about our wrongness. After I became a mother, something changed in me; my intuition’s frequency, my fire’s luminosity. My sorcery. The very act of giving birth is an alchemical spell. It’s an experience that binds you to your two most polar opposites: a feeling of extreme strength and extreme fragility, all at once. I’ve described it as becoming a superhero overnight. I once described it to my friend Laura as becoming The Incredible Hulk; Within hours after the experience of giving birth, your hormones stampede, your breasts swell, your mind grows a thousand daggers it would use in a second to protect your new offspring. It’s a lot. I told her that it could make you feel crazy. That it’s okay to cry whenever she wanted to. That not every woman is a gorgeous lactating goddess and not every experience of motherhood is a happy one. Not every woman slips easily back into her body, her old life, her living, after becoming a mother. That we need support. That while women nurture, we too need nurturing. Once at 3.a.m., I was in complete despair about the low milk supply I was able to produce for my daughter and my friend Amy Poehler called me to talk me through it. What she said to me will stay between us forever, but this much I can share: She told me I was not doing everything wrong. In fact, I was doing everything right. We women have so much wisdom to share with each other, the same wisdom we must share with the world.  Amberlyn Tamblyn on her way to the Women's March while 8 months pregnant. Courtesy of Amber Tamblyn. That wisdom, when shared, does not always come easy to accept or take in, especially for most men. The #MeToo movement was a revolution that fueled me, as it fueled so many others. I knew I had to jump in and do the hardest work of my life, not just for our culture’s sake, but also for my daughter’s future. In the months since #MeToo, we’ve already taken the most important steps, which is changing the conversation and creating action-oriented organizations such as Time’s Up, which works to make sure no woman has to ever say “Me Too” again. There’s also been a change in how we react to the ways people talk to women and young girls. Just the other day, I read a story from a mother I know whose 5-year-old daughter was going through the TSA security scan when the agent playfully put his hand down and said, “You can’t come through until I get a smile.” This kind of aggressive behavior is something we wouldn’t have made a big deal about a year ago. But the world has changed since Donald Trump became our president and the indoctrination of our young girls as fledgling objects has never been more striking than under his presidency. Now more than ever, mothers and fathers of young girls should teach them that they do not owe any man a smile. That our young sons do not have to be the de facto students of masculinity and strength. We need to teach our young girls that our physical selves are not to be commanded or communed. That we owe no onus to anyone. As mothers and fathers, it is our evolutionary obligation to end the painful narratives of oppression that are handed down to our girls and fellow women like precious keepsakes. We must hold space for the most intimate truths of motherhood — from the gruesome, ugly details of childbirth to the difficulties of breastfeeding and far beyond. We must be honest. And we must demand honesty. Because the act of becoming a mother makes you find out quickly what you will and will not tolerate. It makes us dangerous. It’s not that I don’t have concerns when it comes to my daughter and her potential power, too. I look at the Parkland survivors who instill a sense of great pride and hope in me — but they also bring me pause. For they are still children. And they are fighting the feats that should be led by us, their parents, their adults. Yes, they’re owning their power. But I can’t help but wonder: What is it like to be Emma Gonzalez’s mother? No one wants their child to be dragged all over the Internet or attacked by the NRA or lobbyists. How do you protect her while also letting her be the activist she is? There is no easy answer just as there is no easy action. At just over a year old, my own daughter already intuits so much. Her brow furrows in the exact same deep way mine does when she’s thinking. I want her to know it’s okay to be imperfect. To be flawed. To be a beautiful, glorious mess. To be soft. To be quiet and introspective. To not have all the answers, just like me. But I want her to know that it’s also okay to fight hard. To be loud. To put her heart out on the line. To demand change. To be dangerous. ## Transcript [00:00] [ MUSIC ] We can't all be ****. We can't all be asking [00:02] for it. I am here to give you permission to be angry. [00:05] This reality might not have to be our reality anymore. I [00:09] felt this crushing sense of powerlessness. This is the [00:12] time to take my power back. Here's my story. Uber [00:15] promises. Investigation into sexual harrassment. Fox [00:16] News cutting its ties with Bill O'Reilley. I felt it was my [00:19] duty for the women who are silent to be brave. It's [00:23] okay to stand up for yourself. Taylor Swift appearing in [00:26] court today. Harvey Weinstein, the New York- People [00:28] forget a lot that there's a human behind this. Someone [00:31] who was very hurt and wronged. [00:35] [ MUSIC ] [ CROSSTALK ] I [00:42] always thought maybe things could change for my [00:44] daughter. I never thought things could change for me. [00:46] [ MUSIC ] [00:50] Honestly, I was furious. I have had a man grope me in [00:54] front of multiple collegues and I was tired of wondering [00:57] if it was something I wore, I was tired of wondering if it [01:00] was a vibe I was giving off and when I talked to other [01:03] women they were furious too >> I felt that if I [01:07] can speak out, may be if I just stand up then someone [01:10] else would stand up with me >> There wasn't a place [01:14] For us to report these experiences. But I sure did talk [01:18] about it a lot over the years. The least I could do was [01:22] actually tell my own story and validate theirs for them [01:25] in a way, just as I was hoping someone much bigger [01:29] than me would help validate my story. And I knew [01:33] that other women Would continue to apple for jobs [01:36] there and that made me feel really uncomfortable. I [01:39] was afraid of the retaliation, I know the power [01:43] of patriarchy. I know what men can do when their [01:47] angry. They did everything that they could to prevent [01:51] me from raising my concerns further. They asked me if [01:54] there were other girls, maybe that he has done this too [01:56] and can I go get them. I had to show them that I wasn't [02:00] lying And it's like they took me for a joke. And if they [02:03] couldn't stop us from talking, well, they were gonna [02:06] stop everybody from listening to us. People digging [02:09] into my Instagram and pulling up sexy photos [02:14] as if they kind of discredited me. Well, I've seen you in [02:18] committee. You're really tough. Why didn't you just hit [02:20] him? Why did you let it go on for so long? I was a smart [02:23] young woman that had gone to college, that knew how [02:27] to fight, and I still was manipulated and conned. I felt [02:31] ashamed that I hadn't spoken out sooner, not having [02:35] the strength earlier on to make it stop. The feeling [02:40] of being humiliated as a woman And there's a point [02:43] you think is it my fault? For so long I [02:47] went around harboring this ridiculous belief that [02:50] because I was a non white woman in my 20s, it was [02:54] expected that I would have to be treated this way. We [02:57] don't have to just live like this. Few things could change [03:00] from my daughter I never thought things could change [03:03] from me. I'm here to give you permission to be angry, [03:06] people are afraid specially women where conditioned [03:10] since birth to be polite. To be nice, to [03:14] be kind, to be liked to not make waves. ****. [03:19] We can't all be crazy, we can't all be ****, we can't all [03:22] be asking for it. And I'm telling you that all the people [03:25] who stand up, all the people who speak out you are [03:29] teaching people how to treat and you should not be [03:32] shamed for that. The shame is not ours to hold, the [03:34] shame is on perpetrator. Me Too can be a [03:37] conversation starter or it can be the whole [03:38] conversation. It took away the power [03:43] from the predator. And placed the power on the [03:46] victim. And maybe, just maybe we would be able to [03:50] get a glimpse at the magnitude of this problem. The [03:54] amount of people sharing the stories with me is so [03:56] intense. People that were complete strangers reached [04:00] out to tell very personal stories. It's What they did with [04:05] this and they did a lot and not only in France in Hong [04:10] kong japanese. The most months >> I feel like the [04:13] day that I spoke up and I said you are a sexual [04:17] harasser I changed >> some [04:25] of the. Things in the night. [ FOREIGN ]. It's an honor [04:29] to be the person that hey I spoke up about this. I took [04:32] on the risk. And I was very humbled and I was very [04:35] proud. I'm very glad now that the story has been [04:39] heard. It's a direct response to that arrogance and that [04:42] show of power and [ UNKNOWN ]. A sense, we won't [04:46] be silenced. 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