--- title: Abby Wambach's Message for Mili Hernandez on Appearance description: Find out what message soccer star Abby Wambach has for 8-year-old Mili Hernandez after soccer officials said she looked like a boy. canonical: https://time.com/4809639/abby-wambach-stereotypes-gender/ author: Abby Wambach article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2017-06-08T17:55:30.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-04-13T09:05:42.910Z og:title: Abby Wambach: I Know What It's Like to Be Judged for Not Looking Like Other Girls og:description: The soccer star has a powerful message for the 8-year-old player whose team was disqualified og:url: https://time.com/4809639/abby-wambach-stereotypes-gender/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt45804e20423b9444/6988d0b92dce0151949edd1e/abby-wambach-mili-hernandez.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 3000 og:image:height: 1688 og:image:alt: China v United States og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Abby Wambach: I Know What It's Like to Be Judged for Not Looking Like Other Girls twitter:description: The soccer star has a powerful message for the 8-year-old player whose team was disqualified twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt45804e20423b9444/6988d0b92dce0151949edd1e/abby-wambach-mili-hernandez.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Abby Wambach: I Know What It's Like to Be Judged for Not Looking Like Other Girls > Sponsored content. 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Worth Your Time is TIME's culture recommendation newsletter, edited by culture editor Eliza Berman. Twice a week it surfaces the books, shows, films and ideas TIME's editors think are worth your attention, and explains why. It is free at time.com/newsletters. #### Does TIME have a culture newsletter? Yes. Worth Your Time is TIME's culture newsletter, published Tuesdays and Saturdays. #### Who writes TIME's culture recommendations? Culture editor Eliza Berman writes Worth Your Time, drawing on TIME's critics and culture desk. #### Is Worth Your Time free? Yes. It is a free newsletter available at time.com/newsletters. by [Abby Wambach](https://time.com/author/abby-wambach/) ## Abby Wambach Jun 8, 2017 5:55 PM UTC  NEW ORLEANS, LA - DECEMBER 16: Abby Wambach #20 of the United States watches warmups prior to the women's soccer match against China at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on December 16, 2015 in New Orleans, Louisiana. China defeated the United States 1-0\. (Photo by Stacy Revere/Getty Images) NEW ORLEANS, LA - DECEMBER 16: Abby Wambach #20 of the United States watches warmups prior to the women's soccer match against China at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on December 16, 2015 in New Orleans, Louisiana. China defeated the United States 1-0\. (Photo by Stacy Revere/Getty Images) Stacy Revere—Getty Images by [Abby Wambach](https://time.com/author/abby-wambach/) ## Abby Wambach Jun 8, 2017 5:55 PM UTC A few days ago, I saw that my former teammate, [Mia Hamm](http://time.com/3319338/mia-hamm-soccer-fifa-sports-girls/), had [tweeted](https://twitter.com/MiaHamm/status/871844872176541697) about eight-year-old Mili Hernandez, whose [soccer team was disqualified](http://motto.time.com/4808000/girls-soccer-team-banned-player-looks-like-boy/) from a tournament in Nebraska after officials insisted that she was a boy. I can relate to what Mili is going through. I understand what it’s like to get weird looks in women’s bathrooms. I understand what it’s like to be judged for not looking like other girls. And I definitely remember being hit with a lighting bolt of shame and embarrassment the first time someone told me I ”looked like a boy.” Our society uses labels to make people feel safe. But all it does is make those of us who don’t fit into those labels feel alone. I don’t want Mili to ever feel bad about expressing herself. Because guess what? Our differences are often what make us successful. I know that the differences I brought to the table contributed to [my success on the U.S. women’s national soccer team](http://www.ussoccer.com/stories/2015/10/27/18/45/151027-wnt-abby-wambach-announces-retirement). It’s utter bulls—t that women are [only valued or judged by the way they look](http://motto.time.com/4239610/judging-women-on-their-appearance-juana-summers/), while men are almost always [judged by their talent and skill](http://time.com/106145/how-a-female-political-candidates-looks-affect-her-ability-to-win/?iid=sr-link2). This happens because young girls and boys have historically been given poisonous messages about what it means to be a boy and what it means to be a girl. And these messages have become part of our societal structure. This is about more than just playing in a [soccer tournament](http://motto.time.com/4233620/abby-wambach-on-hillary-clinton-equality-pay-gap/). This is about the message we’re sending to an eight-year-old girl. The adults in this situation didn’t do their due diligence to protect a child’s feelings, which should be the most important consideration. Now, Mili may have to deal with bullying from others and the embarrassment that comes from being thrust into the spotlight. Mili [had to tell the world](http://www.wowt.com/content/news/8-year-old-girl-disqualified-from-soccer-game-because-she-looks-like-a-boy-426397041.html): “Just because I look like a boy doesn’t mean I am a boy.” That’s not something she or any young girl should have to do. Mili doesn’t look like a boy. She looks like Mili. As we continue to evolve, I hope that more people will embrace the idea that [gender is on a spectrum](http://time.com/3743987/gender-creative-kids/?iid=sr-link2) and that each of us is going to fall in a different place. How we present ourselves to the world doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that we’re true to ourselves. That’s what we need to teach our kids. Young girls — whether they have long-hair, short-hair, brown skin, light skin, blue eyes, brown eyes — should be able to express themselves however they want. The Mili Hernandezes of the world need to know that they’re not alone. Their situation will be better because women before them have fought these battles and will walk beside them. I’ll be damned if Mili has to walk the same road I did. I persevered through stereotypes and judgment so that her path could be a little bit easier than mine. _(As told to Samantha Cooney)_ _Abby Wambach is the all-time leading scorer in international soccer history and helped lead the U.S. women’s national soccer team to Olympic gold medals in 2004, 2012 and the 2015 World Cup._ ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/4809639/abby-wambach-stereotypes-gender/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/4809639/abby-wambach-stereotypes-gender/"},"headline":"Abby Wambach: I Know What It's Like to Be Judged for Not Looking Like Other Girls","datePublished":"2017-06-08T17:55:30.000Z","dateModified":"2026-04-13T09:05:42.910Z","description":"The soccer star has a powerful message for the 8-year-old player whose team was disqualified","url":"https://time.com/4809639/abby-wambach-stereotypes-gender/","keywords":["motto","gender","Soccer","sexism","Abby Wambach"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt45804e20423b9444/6988d0b92dce0151949edd1e/abby-wambach-mili-hernandez.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Abby Wambach","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/abby-wambach/"}],"articleSection":"","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt45804e20423b9444/6988d0b92dce0151949edd1e/abby-wambach-mili-hernandez.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"China v United States","caption":"China v United States","creditText":"Stacy Revere—Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/tag/motto/","name":"motto"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/4809639/abby-wambach-stereotypes-gender/","name":"Abby Wambach: I Know What It's Like to Be Judged for Not Looking Like Other Girls"}}]}] ```