--- title: Rewriting the Rules of Womanhood in 'The Rules Do Not Apply' description: Levy confronts a harsh truth for women with control and choice: we lay claim to everything, but the universe is often indifferent. canonical: https://time.com/4703307/rewriting-the-rules-of-womanhood/ author: Eliana Dockterman article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2017-03-16T10:26:44.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-02-23T03:52:05.799Z article:section: Ideas og:title: Rewriting the Rules of Womanhood in 'The Rules Do Not Apply' og:description: Levy confronts a harsh truth for women with control and choice: we lay claim to everything, but the universe is often indifferent. og:url: https://time.com/4703307/rewriting-the-rules-of-womanhood/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltfc6f3d06652d2258/6988bea88e0601c552469955/170327091398.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 2650 og:image:height: 1491 og:image:alt: the-rules-do-not-apply og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Rewriting the Rules of Womanhood in 'The Rules Do Not Apply' twitter:description: Levy confronts a harsh truth for women with control and choice: we lay claim to everything, but the universe is often indifferent. twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltfc6f3d06652d2258/6988bea88e0601c552469955/170327091398.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Rewriting the Rules of Womanhood in _The Rules Do Not Apply_ > Sponsored content. 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A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent.  by [Eliana Dockterman](https://time.com/author/eliana-dockterman/)  ## Eliana Dockterman Correspondent Mar 16, 2017 10:26 AM UTC   by [Eliana Dockterman](https://time.com/author/eliana-dockterman/)  ## Eliana Dockterman Correspondent Mar 16, 2017 10:26 AM UTC Never has trying to “[have it all](http://motto.time.com/4202685/kirsten-gillibrand-women-work/)” felt as visceral as it does in _The New Yorker_ writer Ariel Levy’s memoir, [_The Rules Do Not Apply_](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0812996933/?tag=timecom-20). A member of the first generation of women told they could do anything, Levy, now 42, spent her 20s and 30s consumed by wanderlust, evading the claustrophobia of monogamy and motherhood: “To become a mother, I feared, was to relinquish your status as the protagonist of your own life.” As a result of her nomadic existence, she cheats on the woman she marries. But after watching a friend struggle to get pregnant, Levy realizes she could lose the opportunity to have a family she didn’t know she wanted. “My life had been an ugly, roiling mess, but I was going to pull it all together at the last minute.” Enamored with the idea of being a pregnant correspondent, she travels to Mongolia for work. In short order, she loses baby, spouse and house. 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