Let’s start this Oscar predictions party with the concession that to rank wildly different works of art is—unlike, say, the 100-meter dash—a rather futile exercise in subjectivity. But as long as the Academy keeps doing it, we’ll do it too, because it’s fun, and it’s the only sport some of us know enough about to weigh in on. Without further ado, here’s who you’re likely to see clutching gold come Feb. 26, and a few ideas about who should be up there in their stead.

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Write to Eliza Berman at eliza.berman@time.com.

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