Drew Barrymore Says She Saw Her Divorce as a ‘Failure’

Drew Barrymore is speaking candidly about her split from husband Will Kopelman for the first time.

Barrymore, 41, opened up about the end of her nearly four-year marriage while appearing on the premiere of Chelsea Handler’s new Netflix talk show Chelsea. The actress admitted that she’s struggled to comes to terms with what she considers to be a “failure” in her life.

“I put in my statement about divorce the word ‘failure’ because it’s so honest,” Barrymore explained. “Like, when you get divorced, you break up with somebody and you’re like, ‘Yeah, that didn’t work,’ and you get divorced, [but] when you get divorced you’re like, ‘I’m the biggest failure. This is the biggest failure.’ It’s so shameful and hard to actually go through that, even privately.”

Barrymore said that while she’s putting “one foot in front of the other,” she is the first to admit that going through a divorce is painful.

“It’s a tough time. It’s a hard thing to go through,” she said. “It’s like you’re being put on a cheese grater and every second, going, ‘Ah! This wasn’t the plan!’ ”

Barrymore said she’s been thankful for the outpouring of support she’s received from her friends and fans throughout this difficult chapter in her life.

“There has been this really nice feeling of something very fluid and positive and the opposite of how I felt inside,” she said. “Everyone has just been so cool and chill and nice about everything that it quelled my own fears and demons about how we sort of have to go through things in life.”

But while Barrymore is doing her best to move on, she said she certainly doesn’t plan enter the dating world anytime soon. “What I do want is girlfriend time,” she said.

Following news of their split, Barrymore and Kopelman released an exclusive statement to PEOPLE addressing their plans to divorce.

“Sadly our family is separating legally, although we do not feel this takes away from us being a family,” the pair said in their statement. “Divorce might make one feel like a failure, but eventually you start to find grace in the idea that life goes on.

“Our children are our universe, and we look forward to living the rest of our lives with them as the first priority.”

This article originally appeared on People.com