--- title: How to Handle Not Liking Your Friend's Significant Other description: First, figure out your own feelings and let that guide your decision. canonical: https://time.com/4322553/hate-friends-boyfriend-girlfriend/ author: ashley Ross article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2016-05-27T13:00:53.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-04-13T09:02:25.942Z og:title: What to Do If You Dislike Your Friend’s Significant Other og:description: When to say something and when to keep your feelings to yourself og:url: https://time.com/4322553/hate-friends-boyfriend-girlfriend/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt29ed37815f942814/698894b4f887dc7e12e96002/significant-other-friendships-hate-advice.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 5197 og:image:height: 2923 og:image:alt: Heart puzzle, in half, with whole centre og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: What to Do If You Dislike Your Friend’s Significant Other twitter:description: When to say something and when to keep your feelings to yourself twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt29ed37815f942814/698894b4f887dc7e12e96002/significant-other-friendships-hate-advice.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # What to Do If You Dislike Your Friend’s Significant Other > Sponsored content. 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Worth Your Time is TIME's culture recommendation newsletter, edited by culture editor Eliza Berman. Twice a week it surfaces the books, shows, films and ideas TIME's editors think are worth your attention, and explains why. It is free at time.com/newsletters. #### Does TIME have a culture newsletter? Yes. Worth Your Time is TIME's culture newsletter, published Tuesdays and Saturdays. #### Who writes TIME's culture recommendations? Culture editor Eliza Berman writes Worth Your Time, drawing on TIME's critics and culture desk. #### Is Worth Your Time free? Yes. It is a free newsletter available at time.com/newsletters. by [ashley Ross](https://time.com/author/ashley-ross/) ## ashley Ross May 27, 2016 1:00 PM UTC  Getty Images by [ashley Ross](https://time.com/author/ashley-ross/) ## ashley Ross May 27, 2016 1:00 PM UTC It’s bound to happen at one time or another: Your friend starts dating someone, and you think they’re a horrible match. So what should you do if you find yourself in this situation? We interviewed a couple of experts, who say you should try to figure out _why_ you’re feeling the way you do—and let that guide your reaction. If you’re upset because your friend isn’t available as often, your feelings about your friend’s partner are likely more about your relationship (and yourself) than they are about that person. Psychologist Brandy Engler recommends holding your tongue and says that it’s better just to realize that you’re suffering from a loss and to tend to your own sadness. “Take care of yourself, cry or grieve,” she says. [_Follow Motto on Facebook_](https://www.facebook.com/mottoworkplaylive/)_._ If you genuinely think the person is a bad fit for your friend**,** Engler says that you can say something—but that it’s important to avoid making judgmental comments. “You can say, ‘I’m concerned about this behavior’ or ‘I feel uncomfortable when I see him do this. How does that impact you?’” she says. “Use specific behavior examples rather than generalizations like, ‘They’re selfish.’” You can also bring it back to your friend’s experience with a question: “Tell her you’re concerned she’ll be emotionally neglected, and ask if she feels cared for,” says Engler. Keep in mind, though, that it’s your friend’s relationship, says Jane Greer, a New York-based relationship expert and author of [_What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship_](http://www.amazon.com/What-About-Me-Selfishness-Relationship/dp/1402242972?tag=timecom-20)_._ So it’s about how they feel—not how you feel. “If it’s just your opinion that you don’t like certain behaviors or mannerisms, it’s best to hold your tongue,” she says. **_Read more:_** [_These Are The 3 Types of Friends Everyone Needs in Their Life_](http://motto.time.com/4214801/adult-woman-friends/) The bottom line? Don’t jump to ending things with your friend—or even saying something that could cause any disruption in your relationship—without thinking it through first. Greer says that, sometimes, adjusting your expectations of the friendship is the best solution. “Let the relationship settle into its own rhythm before making a decision on whether the friendship has reached an endpoint,” she says. ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/4322553/hate-friends-boyfriend-girlfriend/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/4322553/hate-friends-boyfriend-girlfriend/"},"headline":"What to Do If You Dislike Your Friend’s Significant Other","datePublished":"2016-05-27T13:00:53.000Z","dateModified":"2026-04-13T09:02:25.942Z","description":"When to say something and when to keep your feelings to yourself","url":"https://time.com/4322553/hate-friends-boyfriend-girlfriend/","keywords":["motto"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt29ed37815f942814/698894b4f887dc7e12e96002/significant-other-friendships-hate-advice.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"ashley Ross","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/ashley-ross/"}],"articleSection":"","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt29ed37815f942814/698894b4f887dc7e12e96002/significant-other-friendships-hate-advice.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"Heart puzzle, in half, with whole centre","caption":"Heart puzzle, in half, with whole centre","creditText":"Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/tag/motto/","name":"motto"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/4322553/hate-friends-boyfriend-girlfriend/","name":"What to Do If You Dislike Your Friend’s Significant Other"}}]}] ```