Kate Hudson: ‘Sometimes I Feel Like a Bad Mom’

At times, Kate Hudson can seem almost superhuman. Maybe it’s her Benjamin Button-like approach to aging and her insanely chiseled abs, or maybe it’s just her indefatigable entrepreneurial spirit balanced by a “work hard, play hard” outlook on life.

So when it comes to the title of the essay she wrote for her latest InStyle cover story, “Sometimes I Feel Like a Bad Mom,” it seems less an indictment of the actress’s parenting skills and more of a testament to Hudson as the epitome of the modern woman, attempting to juggle a complicated, multifaceted, but ultimately happy life.

In the article, the actress admits that, “I was really young, like, 23, when I had Ryder. So, our relationship has always been [a little unusual]. I mean, we’re close, and I am his mom. I’m big on manners. I’m big on politeness. I’m big on gratitude. But I’m a bit of a wild mom.” She continues, “Some days I feel like I should win best mom of the day award, and some days I find myself doing strange things that don’t have any real purpose, in faraway corners in my house, and I realize I am literally and deliberately hiding from my children.” A sentiment any parent looking for a few fleeting moments to themselves can surely relate to.

Inside the pages of the magazine’s May issue, hitting stands April 15, Kate also opens up about a number of issues aside from motherhood, including her squad of besties, consisting of Sara Foster, Jennifer Meyer and Nicole Richie, who are a little like Mean Girls, minus the catty barbs and competition. “I kind of like that we’re intimidating,” she says, “You know when you see a group of girls walk in that are having more fun than anyone?” Good to know all her Instagram snaps are exactly as exciting as they look. Speaking of which, Hudson says, “Someone asked me, ‘Who does your Insta? It’s great!’ And I was like, ‘Are you out of your mind? I wouldn’t want anyone to touch my social media!’”

But on to the subject it seems all the tabloids can’t get enough of—Kate’s dating life. With all the are-they, aren’t-they rumors swirling around her, she confesses,“It really feels like high school. I can’t say hello to anybody without [people speculating we’re together]. I don’t comment when I’m single because some of them are right, some of them are wrong. But I end up with everybody anyway! I’ve been linked to every one of my brother’s best friends. We’re going to do a coffee table book of all of my ‘mystery men.’”

But actually, we would totally buy that book. After all, if Kim Kardashian can make an art book completely composed of selfies, why couldn’t Kate dedicate a tome to her innumerable rumored beaus?

This article originally appeared on People.com