--- title: Luckiest Girl Alive Author Jessica Knoll Says She Was Raped description: Jessica Knoll opens up about how her own horrific experience and how it inspired one of the main storylines in her book. canonical: https://time.com/4274921/luckiest-girl-alive-jessica-knoll-lenny-letter-essay/ author: Maggie Parker article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2016-03-29T15:00:56.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-04-13T09:02:08.163Z og:title: Luckiest Girl Alive Author Says She Was Gang Raped in Lenny Letter Essay og:description: Jessica Knoll opens up about how her own horrific experience and how it inspired one of the main storylines in her book og:url: https://time.com/4274921/luckiest-girl-alive-jessica-knoll-lenny-letter-essay/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt6e641f134238126e/69888cd2196cf4950803af1f/luckiest-girl-alive.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 1200 og:image:height: 675 og:image:alt: luckiest-girl-alive og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Luckiest Girl Alive Author Says She Was Gang Raped in Lenny Letter Essay twitter:description: Jessica Knoll opens up about how her own horrific experience and how it inspired one of the main storylines in her book twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt6e641f134238126e/69888cd2196cf4950803af1f/luckiest-girl-alive.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # _Luckiest Girl Alive_ Author Says She Was Gang Raped in Lenny Letter Essay by [Maggie Parker](https://time.com/author/maggie-parker/) ## Maggie Parker Mar 29, 2016 3:00 PM UTC  Simon & Schuster Simon & SchusterSimon & Schuster by [Maggie Parker](https://time.com/author/maggie-parker/) ## Maggie Parker Mar 29, 2016 3:00 PM UTC Anyone who’s read the New York _Times_ bestselling book [_Luckiest Girl Alive_](http://www.amazon.com/Luckiest-Girl-Alive-A-Novel/dp/1476789630?tag=timecom-20) will remember the haunting chapter that reveals Ani FaNelli, the protagonist of the novel, was gang raped as a teen. In this week’s [Lenny Letter](http://www.lennyletter.com/life/a316/what-i-know/), author Jessica Knoll writes that, while the book is a work of fiction, this particular aspect of it was inspired by one of her own experiences in high school. “I know that before I was old enough to drive, I liked A Boy,” she writes in the powerful essay. “I know that I went to a party at which the ratio of guys to girls was not in my favor, where I drank, flirted with A Boy, was dazzled by A Boy, drank some more, and slipped away from the waking world. I know I came to on the floor of a bedroom, A Different Boy’s head between my legs. I remember A Different Boy from a flare of coherence earlier, trying to help me walk when my anesthetized legs failed me.” She details waking up multiple times, each time to find a different boy taking advantage of her. She also says she awoke to find herself bleeding and in pain—but that, for a long time, she hesitated to label her experience as “rape.” “I called it rape, once,” Knoll writes. “In a drunken confrontation with A Boy. The next day, terrified the herd might come after me even hungrier (trash slut had appeared on the inside of my locker just days before), I called A Boy and apologized. I apologized to my rapist for calling him a rapist. What a thing to live with.” Read [her entire essay](http://www.lennyletter.com/life/a316/what-i-know/) over at Lenny Letter. ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/4274921/luckiest-girl-alive-jessica-knoll-lenny-letter-essay/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/4274921/luckiest-girl-alive-jessica-knoll-lenny-letter-essay/"},"headline":"Luckiest Girl Alive Author Says She Was Gang Raped in Lenny Letter Essay","datePublished":"2016-03-29T15:00:56.000Z","dateModified":"2026-04-13T09:02:08.163Z","description":"Jessica Knoll opens up about how her own horrific experience and how it inspired one of the main storylines in her book","url":"https://time.com/4274921/luckiest-girl-alive-jessica-knoll-lenny-letter-essay/","keywords":["motto","News","motto instagram"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt6e641f134238126e/69888cd2196cf4950803af1f/luckiest-girl-alive.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Maggie Parker","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/maggie-parker/"}],"articleSection":"","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt6e641f134238126e/69888cd2196cf4950803af1f/luckiest-girl-alive.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"luckiest-girl-alive","caption":"Simon & Schuster","creditText":"Simon & Schuster","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/tag/motto/","name":"motto"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/4274921/luckiest-girl-alive-jessica-knoll-lenny-letter-essay/","name":"Luckiest Girl Alive Author Says She Was Gang Raped in Lenny Letter Essay"}}]}] ```