“APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing Memory and desire, stirring Dull roots with spring rain.”
That’s a quote from a T.S. Eliot poem, but according to everybody’s favorite astrologer Susan Miller, April 2014 is going to be an absolutely horrific month for almost all of us. Of course, that’s only if you believe in astrology.
New York Magazine points out that in an interview given to the Guardian in January, Miller noted that two “angry eclipses” destined for us in April will cause some intense emotional upheaval, particularly for anyone born between April 15 and 29. From NY Mag:
Eclipses have a mission to expose truths, Miller writes, and thereby sweep away elements that are no longer relevant in your life. You might think they are relevant or important, she notes, when they are taken from you on April 15 or April 29, but they’re not.
And it gets worse. From the Guardian story:
“Look at 29 April!” I look. “Some people feel the stock market is…” She pauses for such a long beat that I offer to complete her sentence: “…going to crash?” She shakes her head. “This is even worse – we’ve not had this since the American Revolution.”
Miller also said that April looks so scary she’s “giving classes on it.” At least Mercury won’t be in retrograde?
More Must-Reads from TIME
- L.A. Fires Show Reality of 1.5°C of Warming
- How Canada Fell Out of Love With Trudeau
- Trump Is Treating the Globe Like a Monopoly Board
- Bad Bunny On Heartbreak and New Album
- 10 Boundaries Therapists Want You to Set in the New Year
- The Motivational Trick That Makes You Exercise Harder
- Nicole Kidman Is a Pure Pleasure to Watch in Babygirl
- Column: Jimmy Carter’s Global Legacy Was Moral Clarity
Contact us at letters@time.com