--- title: 7 Best Pieces of Advice About Marriage description: It takes work—a lot of hard work. canonical: https://time.com/4149862/marriage-truth/ author: TIME article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2015-12-16T17:13:57.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-10-05T08:40:26.368Z article:section: Ideas og:title: 7 Things to Know About Marriage og:description: It takes work—a lot of hard work og:url: https://time.com/4149862/marriage-truth/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt07b765fc4f183559/6988756bcf40a89080c4115f/silver-wedding-rings.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 3692 og:image:height: 2077 og:image:alt: silver-wedding-rings og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: 7 Things to Know About Marriage twitter:description: It takes work—a lot of hard work twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt07b765fc4f183559/6988756bcf40a89080c4115f/silver-wedding-rings.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # 7 Things to Know About Marriage > Sponsored content. 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It explains how TIME's journalism is made, from the first pitch through the editorial decisions behind a finished story or cover. #### How can I read about how TIME chooses its covers? Inside TIME is the newsletter where TIME's Editor-in-Chief explains cover selection and the editorial reasoning behind major stories. It is free at time.com/newsletters. #### Who is the editor of TIME? Sam Jacobs is TIME's Editor-in-Chief. He writes Inside TIME, a twice-weekly newsletter about the newsroom's reporting and editorial decisions. #### Is Inside TIME free? Yes. Inside TIME is a free newsletter, available at time.com/newsletters. A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent. ### Sources * TIME Newsletters: [time.com/newsletters](/c/time-nl-inside-2026q3/newsletters?i=94000bd3-0eb5-40c5-8f3a-0ea8046db48e&cr=time-nl-inside-2026q3-v1) ## Video: What One Woman Learned From Taking a Year Off From Her Marriage [Watch (HLS stream): What One Woman Learned From Taking a Year Off From Her Marriage](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/B3QCkNPd.m3u8) (3:53)  _Published 2015-04-01. Robin Rinaldi did what many women dream of but few actually do: she took a year off from her marriage, made an agreement with her husband that they would both sleep with other people for a set period of time, and threw caution to the wind._ by [Quora](https://time.com/author/quora/) ## Quora Dec 16, 2015 5:13 PM UTC by [Quora](https://time.com/author/quora/) ## Quora Dec 16, 2015 5:13 PM UTC [_Answer_](https://www.quora.com/Whats-the-most-disturbing-truth-about-marriage/answer/Ellen-Vrana)_by_ [_Ellen Vrana_](https://www.quora.com/profile/Ellen-Vrana)_,_ [_Writer_](http://ellenvrana.com/)_,_ _on_ [_Quora_](http://www.quora.com/)_._ There are many disturbing truths. To me, the most disturbing is how the actual thing is so vastly different than anything it’s purported to be. **Marriage is not unconditional love** There is hate. Resentment. There is bitterness, isolation, betrayal and pain. I don’t feel love for my husband 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Nor does he. **Marriage has inertia** There are times when we cannot access our love. Sometimes, it’s marriage – not love – that keeps us married. This thing manifest in shared cutlery and mattresses, Thanksgiving rituals and holiday cards – this thing sometimes keeps us together. **Marriage is not the agent nor the perfection of you** It doesn’t fill your cracks and makes you complete. It’s not what you’re missing in life. It’s not the fulfillment of your true self. Marriage doesn’t _do_ anything; it – perhaps – allows _you_ to do things. **Marriage is not enough** Marriage is not a signal of success or achievement to the world. _I’ve done this, I’m married, stop worrying, stop doubting._ Perhaps for a while, but not for long. Not for ever. The _what’s next_ questions persist. And nothing – not even marriage – is immune. **Marriage can be a bad thing** Marriage endures beyond lies, beyond broken trust, broken dreams – if you want it to, it can. Marriages – good marriages, ones that work – must exist in dark spaces too, not just the light. **Marriage has no baseline** With a few exceptions, there is no standard of what is good, normal, acceptable, and what is not. No one can tell you what to do with it, about it, it is entirely your responsibility to manage your marriage. There is no right answer so don’t seek one. **Marriage is bigger than you. Bigger than both of you** If my answer sounds like marriage is this mythical thing that cuddles in bed with you and your spouse and at times steals sheets – that’s because it is. Well, it’s not mythical, but it’s there, amorphous. It’s the third thing, between you, in your relationship. It’s a responsibility, a commitment, a power, an profound intimacy. Ensuring we are seen, witnessed and bound to another before we expire. More than any other social institution we have as humans. (Paying taxes notwithstanding). _This question originally appeared on_ [_Quora: What’s the most disturbing truth about marriage?_](https://www.quora.com/Whats-the-most-disturbing-truth-about-marriage) _More from Quora:_ * [Is it hard to live as a bachelor your whole life?](https://www.quora.com/Is-it-hard-to-live-as-a-bachelor-your-whole-life/answer/Jay-Bazzinotti) * [How can I help my girlfriend understand that my desire for polyamory doesn’t mean she’s not good enough?](https://www.quora.com/How-can-I-help-my-girlfriend-understand-that-my-desire-for-polyamory-doesnt-mean-shes-not-good-enough/answer/Claire-J-Vannette) * [Should you ever forgive a cheating partner?](https://www.quora.com/Should-you-ever-forgive-a-cheating-boyfriend-girlfriend/answer/Claire-J-Vannette) ## Transcript I saw a headline the other day that said something like Woman Sleeps with Twelve Strangers in a Year and is Shocked, Shocked Shocked, When She Divorced. No, I was not shocked. Who, nobody would be shocked. Good girl seeks experience. I'm a 44 year old professional, educated, attractive woman in an open marriage seeking single men age 35 to 50 to help me explore my sexuality. You must be trustworthy, smart and skilled at conversation as well as in bed. We will first meet in public for coffee or a drink. If that goes well, we'll have dinner. Possibly followed by sex. Our time together will be limited to three dates. As I cannot become seriously involved. When you think about it. A lot of people do this. They don't move out and set up rules and have an open marriage and apart time separation. They just have affairs. I was living in San Francisco. I was in my early 40s. My husband and I hit a marital crisis where I wanted to have children, and he didn't. And he ended up saying that he wanted to get a vasectomy. And at that point, I thought, what do I need to do now before. My life is over if I'm not gonna have children. That's when I realized I really needed to sow the oats I'd never done in my youth and needed a little time off from my marriage to do that if we weren't gonna be having a family. It was the fact that I was gonna let them get away scot- free. After three dates. The three basic rules were safe sex, no mutual acquaintances and, no long term serious relationships. We both ended up breaking two of those rules over the course of the year. I wanted their smells, their stomachs, their grasping hands and hungry mouths. The more maleness I had, the more female I could be. I sought it out despite the warnings of concerned friends, the obvious pain I was causing my husband, the moral code and defining boundaries of the self I'd known for 44 years. Come what may, I would be ravished and then they could All I can say is that it was unlike me to act that way. I'd always been a very cautious and even anxious person. It was something instinctual and something very female driving me. It wasn't really planned and strategized as much as felt. Kind of a calling that I just needed some time to explore this before I went forward in my life. People would tell me this is so brave, and I didn't, I didn't feel brave. I, but I felt I was acting on instinct. [ MUSIC ] Okay. So, Angie. Angie. In that time. I met several people had experience with several people learned not just about other people but about my self. Via these sexual experiences. And I also learned more about my marriage. Expecting your spouse to provide passion and security and purpose. It's a lot. Going through this process gave me all this experience that kind of turned into this awareness and this wisdom that, wow I was asking too much. And so now as a result I don't look to someone else. To, you know, kind if unfairly provide all of those things. And I couldn't have learned it. I don't think unless I actually went through it. 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