--- title: 7 Best Pieces of Advice About Marriage description: It takes work—a lot of hard work. canonical: https://time.com/4149862/marriage-truth/ author: TIME article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2015-12-16T17:13:57.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:56:49.438Z article:section: Ideas og:title: 7 Things to Know About Marriage og:description: It takes work—a lot of hard work og:url: https://time.com/4149862/marriage-truth/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt07b765fc4f183559/6988756bcf40a89080c4115f/silver-wedding-rings.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 3692 og:image:height: 2077 og:image:alt: silver-wedding-rings og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: 7 Things to Know About Marriage twitter:description: It takes work—a lot of hard work twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt07b765fc4f183559/6988756bcf40a89080c4115f/silver-wedding-rings.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # 7 Things to Know About Marriage > Sponsored content. 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Inside TIME is the newsletter where TIME's Editor-in-Chief explains cover selection and the editorial reasoning behind major stories. It is free at time.com/newsletters. #### Who is the editor of TIME? Sam Jacobs is TIME's Editor-in-Chief. He writes Inside TIME, a twice-weekly newsletter about the newsroom's reporting and editorial decisions. #### Is Inside TIME free? Yes. Inside TIME is a free newsletter, available at time.com/newsletters. A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent. ## Video: What One Woman Learned From Taking a Year Off From Her Marriage [Watch (HLS stream): What One Woman Learned From Taking a Year Off From Her Marriage](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/B3QCkNPd.m3u8) (3:53)  _Published 2015-04-01. Robin Rinaldi did what many women dream of but few actually do: she took a year off from her marriage, made an agreement with her husband that they would both sleep with other people for a set period of time, and threw caution to the wind._ by [Quora](https://time.com/author/quora/) ## Quora Dec 16, 2015 5:13 PM UTC  Getty Images by [Quora](https://time.com/author/quora/) ## Quora Dec 16, 2015 5:13 PM UTC [_Answer_](https://www.quora.com/Whats-the-most-disturbing-truth-about-marriage/answer/Ellen-Vrana)_by_ [_Ellen Vrana_](https://www.quora.com/profile/Ellen-Vrana)_,_ [_Writer_](http://ellenvrana.com/)_,_ _on_ [_Quora_](http://www.quora.com/)_._ There are many disturbing truths. To me, the most disturbing is how the actual thing is so vastly different than anything it’s purported to be. **Marriage is not unconditional love** There is hate. Resentment. There is bitterness, isolation, betrayal and pain. I don’t feel love for my husband 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Nor does he. **Marriage has inertia** There are times when we cannot access our love. Sometimes, it’s marriage – not love – that keeps us married. This thing manifest in shared cutlery and mattresses, Thanksgiving rituals and holiday cards – this thing sometimes keeps us together. **Marriage is not the agent nor the perfection of you** It doesn’t fill your cracks and makes you complete. It’s not what you’re missing in life. It’s not the fulfillment of your true self. Marriage doesn’t _do_ anything; it – perhaps – allows _you_ to do things. **Marriage is not enough** Marriage is not a signal of success or achievement to the world. _I’ve done this, I’m married, stop worrying, stop doubting._ Perhaps for a while, but not for long. Not for ever. The _what’s next_ questions persist. And nothing – not even marriage – is immune. **Marriage can be a bad thing** Marriage endures beyond lies, beyond broken trust, broken dreams – if you want it to, it can. Marriages – good marriages, ones that work – must exist in dark spaces too, not just the light. **Marriage has no baseline** With a few exceptions, there is no standard of what is good, normal, acceptable, and what is not. No one can tell you what to do with it, about it, it is entirely your responsibility to manage your marriage. There is no right answer so don’t seek one. **Marriage is bigger than you. Bigger than both of you** If my answer sounds like marriage is this mythical thing that cuddles in bed with you and your spouse and at times steals sheets – that’s because it is. Well, it’s not mythical, but it’s there, amorphous. It’s the third thing, between you, in your relationship. It’s a responsibility, a commitment, a power, an profound intimacy. Ensuring we are seen, witnessed and bound to another before we expire. More than any other social institution we have as humans. (Paying taxes notwithstanding). _This question originally appeared on_ [_Quora: What’s the most disturbing truth about marriage?_](https://www.quora.com/Whats-the-most-disturbing-truth-about-marriage) _More from Quora:_ * [Is it hard to live as a bachelor your whole life?](https://www.quora.com/Is-it-hard-to-live-as-a-bachelor-your-whole-life/answer/Jay-Bazzinotti) * [How can I help my girlfriend understand that my desire for polyamory doesn’t mean she’s not good enough?](https://www.quora.com/How-can-I-help-my-girlfriend-understand-that-my-desire-for-polyamory-doesnt-mean-shes-not-good-enough/answer/Claire-J-Vannette) * [Should you ever forgive a cheating partner?](https://www.quora.com/Should-you-ever-forgive-a-cheating-boyfriend-girlfriend/answer/Claire-J-Vannette) ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/4149862/marriage-truth/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/4149862/marriage-truth/"},"headline":"7 Things to Know About Marriage","datePublished":"2015-12-16T17:13:57.000Z","dateModified":"2026-08-04T07:56:49.438Z","description":"It takes work—a lot of hard work","url":"https://time.com/4149862/marriage-truth/","keywords":["society","Psychology","relationships","Love","Culture"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt07b765fc4f183559/6988756bcf40a89080c4115f/silver-wedding-rings.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Quora","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/quora/"}],"articleSection":"Ideas","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt07b765fc4f183559/6988756bcf40a89080c4115f/silver-wedding-rings.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"silver-wedding-rings","caption":"silver-wedding-rings","creditText":"Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/section/ideas/","name":"Ideas"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"/tag/society/","name":"society"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/4149862/marriage-truth/","name":"7 Things to Know About Marriage"}}]},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"VideoObject","name":"Study Says Marriage Is Good For Your Heart ... 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