MapQuest has unveiled a new location service: a map and guide for how to avoid Donald Trump around the United States.
To be fair, it’s not just for avoiding the Republican presidential candidate: The map offers two options, “Flee Him” or “Be Him.” The first comes with a guide to major cities across the country and how to make sure you don’t run into The Donald while you’re there. The latter comes with suggestions with how to live the most Trumpian lifestyle in each place.
For example, the Washington, D.C. entry under “Flee” suggests going to “any library.”
“Sure, you may run into the odd copy of, The Art of the Deal, but as far as physically encountering ‘The Donald’ there’s no safer place to situate yourself than inside a timeless repository of knowledge,” it says. “If it isn’t an opinion poll with his name at the top, he isn’t interested in reading it.”
Or in Atlanta, Georgia, MapQuest suggests, “Learn about the past so you won’t be condemned to repeat it at the National Center for Civil and Human Rights.”
But, for those who instead want to make their lives as Trump-like as possible, there’s the “Be Him” list. For example, in Chicago you may want to hang out with Mike Ditka, former Bears coach—”Da Coach and Da Donald: This duo has nothing but da love for each other,” the entry says. “This clearly calls for a lunch to talk campaign strategy at Da Coach’s restaurant, Ditka’s.”
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Write to Tessa Berenson at tessa.Rogers@time.com